Monday, August 31, 2009

grades do matter

should i be freaking out if my boss tells me during a review process that 70% will end up with b's and a b is not bad and we should all be lucky to end up as bs. should i, should i? god i hope i dont end up with a b


Sunday, August 30, 2009

ek geet hijar da

so this month, i have been doing my own version of social butterflying. i have been speaking to more and more pple and trying to get better at networking. but most importantly i am now trying to do something which i hav resisted for so long ie. learn the art of small talking. ie learn the art of bsing. yes very much the how to influence people and make friends kinds. :).

anyway so i am now going to be teaching high school math once a week, will blog about that once that happens. but what i am really excited about is this religious event that i went to last weekend. i met quite a few people, and everyone i met was super nice and even with the whole awkwardness one feels when you are going to a new place with no sidekick (read friend to keep you company - so you can talk to each other if people are too weird). but this was a solo mission on my part and i actually had fun. food was great (an impt factor..haha) and i learnt quite a bit, which is rare when i am doing small talk. but what i liked best was the whole non judgemental thing, i have never ever been to any prayer service where men and women have not been segregated. here it was announced that there is no segregation. and i know lot of pple will not agree with it, but if you think about it, you are praying to God and if you say you are going to be distracted by some random guy or girl praying next to you, what use is your prayer anyway to you or to God?

so i thought it was pretty neat, i think its a small and important step not just for equality but common sense too.



i try to think of You everyday
sometimes i think of You
when i am supposed to
and sometimes just like that
when i am sitting in the bus
looking at the orange-blue sky
at my niece's birth
when i think how perfectly each of us were created

sometimes i forget
and sometimes i remember but still forget
sometimes i am lazy to remember
sometimes i am just busy
sometimes i feel alientated and disconnected

but i still expect
i expect
You to remember me
i expect
You to not just remember me
but listen to me too.


Thursday, August 27, 2009

sab ki ek kahani

days go by

she does not hear from him
he does not hear from her

she thinks he does not care
he thinks she does not care

she wants to call him but does not.
he wants to call her but does not.

days go by

he starts to forget her
she starts to forget him

she is in like with someone else
he is in like with someone else

days go by

she accidently dials his number
she never deleted his number
he picks up and says hello, is that you?
he never forgot her voice
she says hello

and then it feels like days ago.


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

waqt hai kya? tum ko pata, haina?

i dont know
what is better
the comfort of knowing your job
the thrill of something new

i dont know
what is worse
the drudgery of your job
knowing that you suck at your new job


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

They'll name a city after us...And later say it's all our fault

we speak for hours
the awkward silences
seem to fade slowly.

they constantly ask us
what did you talk about?

i dont remember.

i dont remember
the words
i dont remember
the stories
i dont remember
the references

i remember
just the feeling.

the feeling of happiness.


Monday, August 24, 2009

pehli baar mohabat ki hai...aakhri baar mohabat ki hai

the first time
she sees him
is on the downtown train
she tries not to stare
but she can't help it.
he does not see her.

the first time
he sees her
shes buying coffee.
he is right behind her.
she does not see him.

the first time
they see each other.
they are crossing the street
from opposite sides.
he smiles.
he says hi.
she says hi.
she smiles.

they meet each other
she waits all day
for the 10 minute train ride
she does not know why

she waits for her stop
she sees him
she smiles
she sees his hand interwined in another
she steps back unable to enter
its 9 am
rush hour traffic push her out of the way
he sees her
he smiles from the inside
she smiles from the outside
the train doors close
the last time
she sees him.


Friday, August 21, 2009

Lagay bol meray mann mein. Koi bol de.

you are not
what i wanted
you are not
what i expected
you are not
what i hoped for
you are not
what i dreamed of

you smile, you breathe, you curse, you speak, you cry.

but you.

you are different.
you are
what i wanted.
you are
what i expected.
you are
what i hoped for.
you are
what i dreamed of

you don't exist.


Thursday, August 20, 2009

Andheron Mein Kyoon Mein Roya

you show someone
the pics of the youngest one
they share the
death of their aunt
you tell them
of their first laugh
they tell you
about the funeral
you tell them
how you wish you could fast forward
so you could hear
your beloved speak
they tell you

how they wish they could freeze
so they could
see their beloved once more


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

hum bhoolay..duniya bhoolay...hum bikrei..ab kya rona.

at what point
do we become
too old
to feel

at what point
do we become
too old
to be

at what point
do we change
our dreams?


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

lekin menei apnei liyei kuch nahin socha hai..aur aaj mujhei baar baar ek hi khyal ata hai - qsqt

some things will never get old


yei dooriyan...

the distance

and sometimes
the us
the distance


Sunday, August 16, 2009

a change would do you no good

one of a girl's or even guy's biggest nightmare, is a bad haircut. i remember when i was 10 and someone was getting married and we were all at the hairdressers and i remember how they had a trainee try their skill on me, coz i was the least demanding client of the lot. so they thought. well anyway, they totally screwed up my haircut and even for a tomboyish 10 year old that i was , even to me - it was devastating. and my dad who was the only person who could console me told me he would make it right and so we went all the way across the city where i got a haircut (yet again) , but this time something that wasnt weird sticking out kinds. a major salvage situation. it may not seem a big deal now, but it was then, it was crucial, it was late at night and hardly anything was open then.

after that, i stopped getting my hair cut ( yea for maybe a really long time). i have had always unmanageable long hair. when i moved here i thought i would get it cut, a bit, so i would look like an insaan for a change. and i did find someone miraculously who gave me a regular, i-dont-even-notice-your-hair-is-cut look every three months or so. and who would check with me before doing anything. possibly she has had her share of whiny 10 year olds and upset dads.

well everything changed yesterday. there were signs everywhere that i should not get my hair cut. for one, the hairdresser i went to was not there and was told to come back at 11:30. at 11:30 they were too busy , i said i would come back later. the salon surprisingly closed early. so i was like damn ill walk around and get another person to cut my hair - i mean its only a trim, really.

i could be so wrong its unbelievable. the lady who cut my hair, was very charming. a russian lady who watches hindi movies, and proceeded to tell me how her son looks like salman khan. and how she loved the movie babul ( stupid movie) and whether salman khan is married? and i m like okay random information. and in that mess, instead of 3 inches she cut off 6 inches! yes double. who does that! how does one not know the difference. this reminds me why you should always tell people less. and as much as i wanted to create a scene and blast her there and then i couldnt, so i did the next best thing i cried in the restroom of a barnes and nobles.

it will take me a whole fricking year to get back to my current length. and i know pple are going to be what did you do to yourself when i go back to work tommorow . great, thanks, thanks a lot salman khan!


Saturday, August 15, 2009

sunny came home.

four years ago.
we wanted the
we get
we live
we breathe
now we dont want
never was the
job or the relationship
it is and was


Monday, August 10, 2009

"Just because (s)he likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn't mean (s)he's your soul mate."- 500 days of summer

ok so i watched the movie above. expecting nothing. since i had not even seen the movie trailor. and like the cleverly juxtaposed scene of expectations versus reality. my expectations of zilch, were very different from the reality. so the verdict - 9/10. i totally loved the movie.

so the story, do not read ahead if you have not seen it, many spoilers ahead. so like the narrator starts its a boy meets girl story but not a love story. so boy likes girl. girl likes boy. girl is not in love with boy and breaks up with boy. girl does not want to be in a relationship. boy spirals into depression. boy quits job. boy meets girl again. same girl. girl and boy dance with each other at a wedding. things supposedly looking good. girl invites boy to dinner party. boy shows up expecting reconciliation. girl shows off her engagement ring to friends. boy runs off and like many a breakups, boy spends days in bed, with no strength to get up. boy quits job and pursues his true dream. boy then meets another girl..

and again it leaves the open ended question of what is exactly is a soulmate. does it exist? are we just driven by the world of chemistry. or the world of familiarity. or the world of wanting to belong to someone. and can you have more than one soulmate? and even if you are happy, how do you know you will always be happy or if this is the happiest u can be. or if this is the maximum happiness you can give to someone else.


Sunday, August 09, 2009

On me dit que le destin se moque bien de nous- quelqu'un qui m'a dit, Carla Bruni

if i lived in reality
i would know
i would believe
this was it
and i would know.

but i live
in my world
and so,
i dont know
or choose
not to know.


Monday, August 03, 2009

love aaj kal aur paarson.

so i saw love aaj kal, this is a movie that i have waited for since it was first announced. and only coz it is being directed by imtiaz ali. so getting right to the point, the verdict? i want to say a 7/10. which is pretty good considering hindi movies nowadays. most of the points allocated after the interval. there are some cliches like the commitmentphobe guy, but there are also some non cliches where things spiral completely out of hand and then you have to make it right. somehow.

everytime i watch one of these soulmate movies (ironically the film takes potshots at the epitome of romance. ie romeo juliet, heer ranjha etc), it makes me optimistic that there are so many similar stories out there. stories of against all odds, against barriers of race, religion, you make it happen. but it makes me sad also coz many a times you let it slip, you do not say things when you should say them, you do not take the risk because you are afraid, and when you do its too late anyway. and unlike in the movie, in reality we all move on irrespective of whether we believe in soulmates or not. because if we dont, we stand the risk of being left behind.


Sunday, August 02, 2009

dear golu, you rock my world.

so this weekend, my brother in law tried to teach my sister and i how to ride a bicycle. the weather was okay, a little too warm, but summerish at least. so check. the will to learn. check. [i acutally did get a little nervous the first time i sat on it] but powered on nevertheless.

so yes, we are one of those adults who never learnt to ride a bicycle as a child. and like many things in life, the harder you try the more you fail. so, i managed to do a half cycle before my bike swayed to the left and threatened to topple over.

the thing is you are so scared to fall, so scared to fail, so scared to try anything, so scared to not think about the consequences of your actions, you tend to miss out a lot. and thats primarily why pple ask you to learn it as a kid. you are only thinking of the future and you forget that you still have to live out the present.


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