mat jao

distance was
always the enemy
and now
so is time
so is fatigue

there may be
nothing to say
nothing to proclaim
but still
you want to say more
anything more

is this fleeting
is this forever
its hard to say
its just feels right now.

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kya karoon dheeme dheeme se, nashe mein jo hai zindagi

ok so i haven't really,truly, completely blogged in a long time. in fact, i dont think i have done many things in a long time. mainly coz i have been preoccupied with other things..good things but things where i have no me time anymore. time is passing so fast that i have forgotten all the things that i wanted to accomplish this year. and now the reasons for accomplishing them seems so futile. almost. i guess high on my list of things was finishing this book so i could actually feel intelligent at work, i haven't crossed page 20. i feel like one of those kids who are so unserious about what they are doing and just riding the current wherever it takes me. its really not a good feeling.

anyway, i went to the halloween parade this weekend. i cant say i have ever had a good experience at the halloween parade, but every year i go. old habits die hard. anyway, this time we decided to be in the parade then out of the parade simply coz its just so much easier and less crowded...and the whole mob like mentality is a little more controlled. anyway, it was raining and people werent that enthu. blame it on the recession or the rain. god knows. so anyway, i ended up meeting a few new people.

i think as we grow older, its really hard to kind of hit off with new people that you meet. . i tried to rack my brain for topics to talk about, but each topic was met with a dead end. like seriously , those weird awkward silences and even the laughing for no reason was not helping. yes, ok. that is sad.

last week, i ended up again meeting an eclectic group of pple and the conversation was so dry, i wanted to stab myself with a fork. in fact, i would rather have gone to the dentist. yea ok, i get it the common thing in these stories is me. and maybe its just my lack of super amazing conversational skills. but, i really really don't think so.

i seriously think the art of conversation is dieing. the art of romance is dead. and the art of sponatienty (spelling) is long buried.

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love or something like it

there are times where i
know you
you are my person
there are times where i
completely get you
you really are my person

then there are those times
where i forget
that i only know a part of you
and in that part
you are not my person.

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we'll fast forward to a few years later and no one knows expect the both of us

in a way
i wish
i was still a kid
i see a puddle
i jump
i don't care
about my
stained jeans
drained shoes
i just care about that
second
about that
minute

in a way
im glad im a grown up
i know
my choices are half luck
i know
my choices are mine
i know
if things look well
i can decide to jump
and i know
if things don't look so good
i can avoid the puddle

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the feeling

the feeling
is what keeps me motivated
the reality not so much
the feeling is what keeps me free and open
the reality is not so much
the feeling is what keeps me happy
the reality i fear will not

so you live
you live in the feeling
you live
in your own created feeling
you live
away from reality
until it forces you to
abandon
the feeling

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yei bhi hua kabhi..jaise hua abhi

i shove
you push
you shove
i push

when push comes to shove
we both step back
only to find
ourselves
back at square one.

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itch in my brain.

you feel
you may know all the answers
you probably do, deep down
even if you think, you dont.
but, you live in confusion
that is your nature.

you are being honest
but are you being so
because thats the goodness in you
or because you
think you have nothing to lose


you think you have the authority to judge
you have an air about yourself that i cant understand
you have surrounded yourself with you so much
that you can't see your crap anymore


you dont say anything
when others say a million things
you smile and adjust
you are told what you should do
and you believe it
that is your nature .

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