Sunday, May 03, 2009

“I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting.”- He's just not that into you.

i first learnt about this book two years ago, when i was visiting new york during my grad school years and me and my friends were sitting in the barnes and nobles starbucks. and a friend of mine was going through a breakup and actually reading the pocketbook outloud in the coffeeshop regardless of people staring at us. the movie unlike the book doesn't answer the questions and even after reading the book you are like ok this is a whole lot of fluff.. and after you're done reading the book you're like 'come on' that's not true and isn't everyone's story unique and supposedly ''magical" in its own quirky way.

so a friend, goes through this whole 'will he-wont he' phase, where the guy agrees to go for dinner and then in the follow up dinner cancels saying he's too tired and doesn't schedule another date.

right, doesn't sound too good.

i try to be diplomatic since my friend thinks he's really shy so i say maybe he'll call later give it a week. but another friend quotes from the above movie - and point blank says seriously he's just not that into you. but then i dont know if its because of actually feeling a connection in the first meeting (i honestly think theres no such thing) or because there's this insatiable need to know - the need to know why someone would turn you down- so i dont know if its eithe rof these two that my friend texts him again- and then he texts back - and now they continue texting short notes to each other - no one taking the first step - no one willing to jump head on and just ask outright - no one does that ever- coz no one wants a bruised ego - or coz no one wants to admit that they are just not THAT into you.

in one of the therapy sessions, that only good friends will do (ie yours truly) me and my friend were sitting next to this couple, who ironically were on their first date. ok and sure we were eavesdropping, i mean there has to be some advantage that space in new york is scarce. so the guy asks the girl after an awkward pause - so umm do you like brad pitt? - soooo lame, im sorry but it is. and then at the end of the meal, the restaurant that only accepts amex denies to take his visa card and sadly he's out of cash. needless to say the date doesn't goes well.

so this is the american dating ritual. so, changing tracks, even the desi ritual is not much better. you reject people after looking at their pictures. just their pictures. everyone is guilty of that. and its ok if both of you dont like each other. its end of story. but if one does, yes albeit shallowly, it gets complicated. so rather than directly saying anything, you ignore the person and hope they get the message. brutal, yes. but is there any other way that we can weasel our way out of it?


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