Im lost but Im hopeful. Coz I have got one hand in my pocket and the other ones giving out high fives. - Hand in my pocket

so this is going to be one of those market sucks, everyone is predicting the next acolapyse post. so a lot of stuff has been happening at the office. first it started off with the group downstairs, where my friend works, and now shes gone all omigod im moving to toronto and looking for jobs there, which is really freaking me out. since a lot of my criteria to choosing and sticking to jobs is actually nothing very ambitious (yes im saying it im pathetic) and its really a small and pretty pathetic (yes repeating) list consisting of three things a. my boss b.the josh to do something different in life (thats kind of waning though - but im actually keeping this second on the list for retaining self esteem) c. my friend who happens to be my partner in crime (not any mortgage kind of crime in case anyone is thinking this) and i mean this as the highest compliment she is my diary that talks back to me, especially when i want to let off steam when im at work. and i am the same to her too. so anyway, im not that supportive of her move to canada when the going gets tough. so anyway ive been jitttery and have been like aloof to the crashing and burning around me. and apparently thats a bad thing. ure supposed to be buzzing and being like whats happening, whats happening, are we drowning for people to think that YOU care. and panicking rather than being the violin players on the sinking titanic, or the engineers trying to repair the boat. so in more plain terms not actually spending all your time actually working hard. thats not the way to show u care. apparently.

so goldman came up with bad news today then there was citi and now since the past two days at work we have been having the closed door hushed silences, no one looking at you straight in the eye, pple huddling near the coffee matchine (oh wait that was me just trying to figure out how the hot water works ) etc. so basically im officially flustered.

not to mention that for some SOME reason pple think that the end of year bonus isnt important to me. yes very tacky to say that it is. but in finance there is a linear relationship between ambition and year end bonus and they are interchangeable. so if u dont care about getting a fat paycheck, you probably wont get it. consequently it will be asserted that you are not deserving of it. nobody here is working Allah wastey. and ironically thats nothing to be ashamed for. its more shameful if you are. sad but true.

so together with this notion, my boss asking me so what would you do if you were fired? i think i had one of those cartoonic eyes popping out my of skull moments. looking at my near heart attack face, he starts laughing and is like you dont haveto worry and is like id like to take a break for a year and read the papers and smoke my cigars. something of that effect. hellooooo randomn. you cant just drop a bomb and be like 'just kidding'. i so so so so hope he is kidding.


anyway just between me and i guess the minute list of pple who actually read this blog and of course for the true audience of this blog, the me five years later and my fictitious children. if i did get fired, my ideal ideal thing would be do the four most cliched things ever - travel the world. become a travel documentarist. open a restaurant and make a movie. should i be worried that all of the professions are highly uncorrelated to finance.