Sunday, November 09, 2008

the people who suffer the most, dont know what they want - Grey's anatomy
so i had my perf review done, and it went well. thats an understatment actually, considering my recent obsessing/paranoia about job loss.. BUT it really isnt over till its over and the last quarter is far from that.

well anyway, my boss was super generous and my mom is now convincing me that she has to forward my "glowing" review to all her friends, who show off about their kids. this is like giving her an edge. she already has an edge, all of us girls are educated and my eldest sibling is an excellent gynaecologist and will one day be super famous too. i dont think so, i know so. she is the first kid in our whole lineage to actually do something that big. so anyway back to my story, again rewind - i kind of pointed out to my mom that umm so..what.. you are comparing me to a 13 year old eton college goer...and so my answer to the forwarding my review is.. how about a no?

anyway my boss really was great and he gave me a kind and awesome review like he probably will for everyone else because he is so awesome (more gushing). mashallah to that. and i really didnt expect such nice remarks. after the review, i didnt really grovel and maybe i should have. maybe i should have said thank you so much for this review. but i suck at compliment taking and i suck at compliment giving as well -sometimes. and sometimes i just think a nod is sufficient and sometimes you just dont have to say everything, right? that being said that doesn't mean i dont love it. both the compliment giving or taking. it makes you feel good. but i just suck at it.

so colleagues asked me did you have your review,and since it was kind of secretive type thing i was like err...yea and then they were like ooh sneaky (isnt a perf review the years most certain event never mind everything else? how is that remotely sneaky?) and of course they wanted to know my scores. and so i had my stick up for myself but make myself look stupid moment, where i go im not really comf discussing this. at first they were zapped that i said that and then they smirked, yes smirked, and one of them is like you are making this so formal. and im thinking hell yea - formal is what you should be if you are at work. but of course i dont say that and am thinking of some smart but not mean comeback and he goes on and on about how we are blah blah blah then just robots . and im actually not listening to him coz im thinking of the smart-but-not-mean comeback and then just catch on the last part of the robot and im like did you just call me a robot? and then the other colleague chimes in and goes i think he just did. and then he goes on this whole spiel of how im one of those kids who never told anyone their scores in college. i didnt. never asked anyone their scores in college. yup, i didnt. and then i chime in - or their salaries. sorry again, i didnt. im sorry, im just not that nosy. well i am a little nosy but not THAT nosy. oh wait i am, i need a new phrase. yes, im selectively nosy. some things are just sacred. i truly believe you compete with yourself. of course i would like to know if im at bottom of the heap or whatever but I dont particularly care what YOU got whether you got a A+, C+, D+ or a F. i care if I got a F and if I did how do I get to a A. so anyway i end up looking like a smart ass now . my other sibling who is so much more adept at handling confusing situations said i should have resorted to exaggeration and been like I got top rating in everything. whcih is unattainable. so they say. so they kind of would know that i dont want to tell them, but it would still be this whole kidding kind of atmosphere. But no I have to go with the uncomfortable-make-this-awkward thing. which is very loserish really and so not wing man team member persona and that is sad coz I do think I am a team member in fact I would really like it if our team did super well. so it ended with one of my colleagues calling me im 'trying' to be mysterious. Ok, whatever

wish i could be more witty, all witty statements come to me five mins after. that is my edge.


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