kehta hai, babul

sumundaron ka paani koi na pi saka

akela khaara jivan koi na ji saka

kehta hai baabul

o meri bitiya

tu to hai mere

jigar ki chitthiya

katega kaise lamha

tere bina bata

jiunga kaise tanha

tere bina bata

- from the movie Baabul

recently one of our aquaintances daughter ki baat paki hogaye and is getting married. her mom in conversation mentioned now that dsf is going on she will start buying gifts for the pairamani (spelling!) (ie gifts to the grooms family ) and for her daughters dahej. (gifts to her daughter) muslim aur dahej? strange? no,not really. the problem is its already interserped within the culture this notion of you have to give something to the grooms family and you have to give something to your daughter. otherwise it looks bad. earlier they used to display the stuff on a bedspread and relatives would come and examine and pass judgement. obviously, becoz they are such "experts", no? i just dont get it how its anyones business. theres lot of arguments against this. i know pple want to give their children something and i know pple like to give something as a token of affection to the other family. but then what happens when you give something which is below their expectation. or perhaps what you get is not as nice as what you gave. i.e below ure expectation. are we all mature enough to appreciate anything wat may be. and perhaps you forget to gift someone in the lambi chori list of gifts to the groom's family/bride's family. then someone feels bad. its just a lot of unnecessary stress both emotional and financial on parents and even on the children.

i know slowly and surely this is changing. recently a friend of mine got engaged and when i asked him what you going to gift your inlaws. and he said perhaps a vase. i was like. err, thats all? hes like yes i dont want to burden them unncessarily and pressurize them to give me or my family something.