Monday, June 30, 2008

meinei dus saal pehlai yei zindagi chuni thi..thik hai mujhei todei bahot compromises karnei padei..magar compromise kaun nahin kar tha? [ 10 years ago, I decided on this life..alrite i had to do some compromises..but who doesnt do compromises?] - Rock On

i think i've always been wary of the word compromise. and sometimes will even vehemently deny that i have ever compromised and have only done whatever my heart has told me to. all or none. more none than all. yea rite. I do know that it is not the truth and albeit no major compromise but i and everyone have done so at some point or the other. some compromises have been done whole heartedly, some resignedly, some happily, some without realizing, some grudgingly. if something is too pricey in a store, we compromise by buying something cheaper.if we can't make a deadline so we compromise by showing only what we can complete. if we can't find a job we love, we compromise by taking something, anything, that helps us pay the bills. i always wanted to be a detective, now i think i should have gone to med school, there are times where I feel I should be a movie director or a script writer. But in never a million years I ever wanted to work in banking. I actually do like it, but I know I don't love it. Did I actually compromise?

i am tempted to say after all the stories i' ve been in or have listened to, the measure of success in life for most, is directly related to the amount of compromise you have done. success at work, brought about a lot of compromising of one's own free time and family time. in a city like dubai, 90% of the people working here dont like what they are doing. sure, they may make more money here, but many of them can't afford the luxuries here. The disparity in wealth is so obvious and at times depressing, at one hand you have people who are living in penthouses in high rises and then on the other hand you have 5 pple bunking together in a studio apt. and everyone thinks if they compromise now, bear the crap now, they will one day not ever have to compromise. others just know, that no matter what they do, things will never change for them and they compromise with their destiny and future too.

success in a marriage, a whole diff ballgame of compromising. a relative recently had a proposal, from her mothers friend's son. the families have totally different cultures and don't even speak the same language. but since the parents were friends, they thought this would translate among the kids as well. another case, a supposedly "gharelu" larka (whatever thats supposed to mean) entrepeneur in advertising owning several business possibly already having a girlfriend but his mother looks the other way and tries to find him a match that fits her sensibilities. who compromises eventually is yet to be seen. a typical punjabi meat eating sardarni bindass girl finds herself making vegetarian khana for her vegetarian husband. not only does she make it but now enjoys it and takes pride in the fact that she can make vegetarian parathas from scratch. a wide eyed romantic, idealist compromises to the fact that she probably wont ever fall in love with someone and love will have to happen after marriage, thats if it ever does. a decent, educated, respectful 25 year old boy rejected since the parents didnt want their daughter having to compromise and bear the burden of "interest sin" as the boy worked in banking ironically in a division absolutely nothing to do with interest.

sucess at parenthood/dinkdom(double income no kids). most people, when they decide to have a kid forego a lot of things that were taken granted, examples: the ability to hang out with just each other. ability to live the no structured, do on the spur of the moment things. I speak from the case where you don't have hired help or family to help you. the interesting thing is that most parents dont think this is a compromise and perhaps is the most selfless thing one has done and one will still never have it any other way and though there are those days where as a friend puts it of her 3 year old," sometimes she just irritates me so much i want to spank her bottom". she can't imagine her life without her 3 year old and how much love and joy the little kid has brought to her and her husband's life. a single parent friend takes so much effort, pain, a few dirty looks in the bargain for not showing up at work and planning her 5 year olds birthday. I dont even remember my 5th birthday and there's no way I would remember all what my parents did for me to make that day special. But parents do it wholeheartedly. And sometimes its very contagious, sometimes a few hours in company of kids can brighten your day too.

on the other hand you do have those who can't feel it until they experience it themselves too. another friend bluntly says that despite her being successful, hardworking, intelligent (made it through with a full scholarship) she is totally useless to her parents, parents who reside in a totally different continent. and therefore after all the energy, effort, love, money her parents spent in raising her she feels its all in vain. coz in her own words she is of no use to them now. and there is no point in having any children. her parents don't want her to return and stay with them, coz they know this is whats best for her career and also most importantly that her husband does reside there too and its now not just a single decision. perhaps even unconditional parental love is a sort of compromise, maybe not for the kid but for the parent?

how about success in your own health and well being (as in being fit). does it involve compromising good food, compromising lazy lamheins for heavy duty workouts.

the real question is in which compromise do you find meaning in and happiness in and realize its not actually a compromise but exactly what you needed and perhaps give it a new name, a decision that worked? and i dont know about everyone else, but the word for me itself has such a negative connotation - perhaps we are thinking it all wrong and perhaps compromising is actually a good thing? a. doing so you may realize that this is what you don't want or b. you realize that this is what you wanted all along.

inspiration for this post, mostly triggered by rock on's trailer.

heres a dekko below. looks like a good movie. courtesy a youtuber.


  © Blogger templates Psi by 2008

Back to TOP