venting 101

so on cnn there was an article about a rape of an 18 year old girl in saudi arabia. The case is that the girl while meeting with a male friend was attacked by 7 men, kidnapped and both were raped. The 7 men were jailed and given sentences ranging from 2 - 9 years. The major shock factor is that the victims were also given sentences of 90 lashes. And after the girl appealed, the court raised the sentence to 200 lashes because she had spoken to the media about the case. Sach bolna bhi ghuna hai! Her lawyer has been banned from the case and his license has been confiscated.

Heres what understanding-islam.org says about punishment of rape as per Shariah

"The Shari`ah has actually prescribed the punishment for four major crimes. It has prescribed the punishment for murder and other bodily harm, theft, fornication and qazaf (to accuse someone of zinaa - fornication - without adequate evidence). Besides these crimes, if a crime is committed against the community rather than an individual or if the crime is of the nature of religious persecution or if the motive of the crime is to spread a wave of terror through the whole community or if the crime is committed against the state, the Qur'an calls it "Fasaad fi al-ardh"[1]. In case of Fasaad fi al-ardh, the Qur'an has given four options for the person administering the punishment. Thus, the punishment may be severe or comparatively soft depending upon the nature of the crime committed and on the various conditions surrounding the accused. The punishments mentioned in the Qur'an , from among which one of the punishments shall be administered are:

Taqteel: Taqteel in the Arabic language means to kill in a very painful manner. One of the methods of taqteel, as adopted in the times of the Prophet (pbuh) was rajam, i.e. stoning to death. Other methods might include killing through the Electric chair etc.

Tasleeb: Tasleeb means to crucify. Crucifixion is the other option given by the Qur'an . Both taqteel and tasleeb are different methods that may be adopted to punish a criminal that in the eyes of the judge deserves no mercy and should not be allowed to live in the society.

Amputation of a hand and a foot: The third option is to cut off a hand and a foot of the criminal. This option shall be administered if the judge feels that the criminal has committed such a heinous crime that even if he is allowed to live, he should be made an example for the other members of the society and should not be allowed to live a normal life.

Banishment: The fourth option given to the judge for punishing such criminals is to banish them from their hometown. This option shall be used for such criminals who, in the eyes of the judge have the potential of correction and who, only due to their bad company in their own land had committed a grave crime.

Punishments for crimes other than those mentioned above shall be determined by the collectivity of the Muslims, through their legislative body. The basic guideline provided by the Qur'an for the determination of the punishments for other crimes is that no crime other than that, which falls under the category of murder or "Fasaad fi al-ardh" can be punished by death. Death sentence can only be administered in these two cases.

In view of the above explanation, it is quite clear that the Shari`ah does not determine the punishment for rape. There may be certain cases of rape, which fall under the category of Fasaad fi al-ardh. In such cases, any of the punishments provided for crimes that fall under this category may be administered, keeping in view the nature of the crime committed, the psyche and various other conditions of the criminal. For cases of rape, that do not fall under the category of Fasaad fi al-ardh, the legislative may, under the stated guideline provided by the Qur'an , decide about the punishment to be administered. This punishment may or may not be the same as stipulated for fornication in the Qur'an . "

Sometimes I am so appalled by the lack of logic, compassion, and understanding of these stupid judges in the Saudi court. I dont understand what kind of kick they get by showing they are so powerful and opressing the weak.

Their defense is that the girl was with a non-mahram and that she brought this onto herself. This kind of bullshit mentality just irks me. First of all, she was in a public place and the law says that you arent supposed to be with a non mahram in private. Secondly even even if it were something not permissible, there is something called compassion, something called humanity.

Isnt your kindness, your religion? Isnt your understanding, your religion? Isnt your actions, your religion?

how can you give such a sentence after all that this girl has gone through! How would they feel if it were there own child has to go through this? When will these people understand? I just dont get it. And why is this sentence so lenient for the 7 rapists. and since when did the judicial court in Saudi decide they can play God. The whole thing just irritates me.

I had an uncle when asked what is the city you would love to live in. He always said Saudi Arabia, since its considered by muslims as the most holy place. This is the opinion of many pple. They have this rosy image. But when things like this happen, the image gets distorted.

Its the worst for women. The restrictions are ridiculous. You cant drive. What if you have no family , what if you are a single women and have no one to depend on and have to work. and may have to drive to work, but you cant coz you arent allowed. Even for Haj which is your right, you need a mahram to accompany you. The law as I would like to blieve was written in terms that there is someone to take care of you and so you are protected.But things have gone a long long way. What if there isnt anyone, how can they prevent you from doing Haj!

SO SO Ridiculous

And you know what is going to happen now ,rather than seeing this as how screwed up the judicial system is in Saudi Arabia, this is going to be blown out in the media here and add to the alread y negative image of Islam. and alllllll because of these idiots.

I do think there is a desperate need to revisit these laws, there is a need to stop taking things as either black or white. My favourite hadith that I believe explains this concept beautifully is the story of the prostitute and the dog. A prostitute while passing by saw a thirsty dog which noone had bothered with. She filled her shoe with water and gave it to the dog. And it is said that God forgave her for all her sins, for that one act of kindness.

If it were upto these idiotic judges they would have probably beaten the prostitute and the dog for accepting water from her.

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sapnon mei jo roz kaha hai, woh phir sei kahoon..ya nahi

so today at work, i started working on a follow up to a project, although i really wasnt into it. And i really couldnt understand why the follow up was needed, coz everything was all encompassing and obvious. and to top it off, u know when you have one of those days where you really dont want to use your brain, where you hope everything will magically fall into place, where you dont even feel like going for 15 minute coffee breaks with your friends, coz you are feeling so out of it. where the office crush even passing by (thrice) has no effect on you. where your boss being out for the day holds no appeal to surfing online. (a great big of a deal since i sit right next to my boss). or listening to your ipod bindass. (i recently found out its considered unprofessional, and ive tried to kick this bad habit) but ive decided, to hell with it, i cant do without my ipod after 3, its like caffiene to others, so im just buying black headphones and wearing my scarf around my neck so its hidden and my hair covers my ears neway. yay. i promise however to stop humming and day dreaming on "aaj ki raat" from don)

i particularly lvoe that song, i dont know why. its like the perfect song to day dream about someone you really hate and how you are bumping them off. hahahahaahah. i have all the scenarios imagined in my head for this song, that i beleive i can choreograph it, in a heartbeat.

ok im digressing.

so, basically its been just a really dull dull day. and then suddenly IT happens. just like that.

pm: i figured it out, you dont need to do anything. im sorry you had to waste your time to figure it out.

me: * so so so so so elated* Thats ok.

i was so happy that i dont even care that i wasted whole morning working on it.

Sometimes God does listen to me, Thank you =)

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things what one will do to (not) study

1. get up early really early in the morning
2. get dressed and kick oneself out of the door to venture out into unfamiliar territory (i.e local neighbourhood library)
3. make pit stop at bagel place all set to skip lunch since major studying will be going on but before that will have the hearty breakfast, the so called most impt meal of the day.
4. decide to smuggle in breakfast in library (saving more time)
5. find out library is only three floors, of which one floor is the size of my studio. (mild exaggeration, only mild though)
6. see big big sign of no eating, no drinking no nothing in library. figured that earlier, coz you know i have been in uni before, but decided its ok will do what i did in uni, eat in the library. oh the forbidden fruit hath taste not tastier (ok im sure thats not hte line)
7. decide what the hell am here to study not eat, will eat later so spread all my books and keep my ipod handy as well in case i decide to doze of with the silence.
8. and then.. on the third floor a kid starts crying, not regular crying but screeching.
9. this goes on for half an hour
10. decide wat the hell, i want to eat my sandwich and go home.
11. come home, make myself comfortable, make tea (yep tea) for myself just myself as opposed to for others, and then decide nows the time to blog.

god, i hate studying. times like these, i wish were vicky of small wonder, (yes the old old old tv show).

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201th post.

Suddenly I see, Suddenly I see

This is what I wanna be

Suddenly I see, Suddenly I see

Why the hell it means so much to me

-KT Tunstall

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meri umar kei naujawanon..

ok my post really has nothing to do with the above song. just heard it for the first time while watching om shanti om and i really like it. i think i should have been born in the 70s. or rather should have been in my 20s in the 70s. my mom thinks im quite a hippy. well neway so in rather unhippy fashion, i attended one of these networking events at work where a Director was giving the lowdown on what it is to be a Director, and what it was to have left a firm, that most pple would give an arm a leg to work at, coz it is all so mighty and powerful. But she left, coz she felt our workplace provides a better balance of work and family (yea rite) but she also honestly said that it was becoz she was passed over for a promotion. Soooooooo as all of us (ok maybe just me) hung on whatever she said, some asked a lot of questions varying from what is the male female ratio like. did you tell the current firm you wanted to strike a balance between work and family when you were interviewing etc.

Whats the big deal? I dont find any difference between working for either men and women. I think pple should really stop with this, people are people and thats just the way they should be seen. There are stuck up pple in both the gender. Get over it.

Anyway in other news Im going to be going back to school to attend a recruiting event. This is the time where Im going to be on the other side and Im not looking forward to being cornered by graduates. I know I was pretty stupid when I was in university, and would ask the panelists all sort of random questions. And now that I know we are so focused on our own work that we do, its impossible to know the answers to all these random questions. Im not really looking forward to going back to university, its a whole plane ride away and then awkward conversations with other pple on the panelists. But then everyone thinks this is a great opportunity for me tot get to know pple from other groups, but more importantly to stop being such an antisocial geek.

lets see how that goes.

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"Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade" - Unknown

so today my sister sent me flowers at work. and i really didnt expect it. but the assistant who sits next to me was far more eager than me to a. find out what its in the box and b. to know who its from. while i was opening that, i got another call saying i have flowers for me. I told the guy that i think i already received it, after which hes like no its front of me. This time from a friend. But what really gave me a kick on how many pple are soooo into gossip and masala at work. Everyone wants to know who the flowers are from, and in particular who the roses are from and they go as far as to tease ohhhhhh your friend is sending you flowers, waiting for me to disclose more. hahah. but since im a smart cookie, i dont. hahaha. and then they ask so you must be pretty special to your sister for her to send you flowers. lol. thank you. but, i still think the most embarassing question is for pple to ask how old are you, and then for them to go but you dont look like 26. which makes me think do i not act my age. and then further think what does acting ones age entail. its all in the mind. neway i think its quite nice to get flowers at work, pple you hardly talk to come and talk to you and wish you and just get to know you. i distributed some of the roses i got and it made quite a few of them happy. all in all a day that started out very blahish and ended up quite well. =)

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Dialogue of the year : "chutki bhaar sindhoor aurat ka taj hoti hai" - Om shanti om (or something on those lines)

*read ahead only if you have watched om shanti om or one of those who read the end of the book first.

ok so the movie of the week is om shanti om. and i have to say that im not much of a fan of SRK, nor do I find his "Rahul, naam tau yaad rahega" type movies fun. and I didnt think Main hoon na was great either. However, I do think he is a good actor when he is subdued. So neway the choice was between this movie and Saawariya, which by default gets eliminated coz I really dont like Bhansalis movies barring Black. yes, im one of those pple who dont need drama in everything.

Ok so, despite all that (im just tying to point out oh how so objective i am = ))I have to say that Om shanti Om is fun fun and fun from the word go! You cant help but crack up at some scenes. There were pple behind me who were cracking up like anything. It just goes to show pple would rather go watch a fun movie than a rhona dhona, no matter how mindless it is. You can never go wrong with making pple laugh. Its basically a spoof on itself, its funny and there are so many movie references, actor references and one has to see it twice to get more of the "inside" jokes so to speak.

So, storyline - the movie is basically based on this junior artiste SRK who is in love with the superstar of the time, Deepika Padukone. (I dont remmeber their character names so im going to call them by their real names) who is really pretty and has done a great job for a first movie. But she is married to Arjun Rampal, who is the producer of the movie. Arjun Rampal, I dont know why is so underrated. I think he has great diction, super good looking and when he does the english dialogues it doesnt sound fake like SRK or god forbid Salman Khan. Anyway so Arjun Rampal, bumps of his wife when she threatens to tell eveyrone and tells him about her pregnancy (yep yei filmy chakkar hai) neway so in some terrible fire which Rampal puts, Deepika dies and SRK dies trying to save her. All the above is happening in the 70s so the whole atmosphere is very 70ish. So fast forward 30 years, They are both reincarnated and once SRK realizes who he is, they gang up and try to take revenge on Rampal.

Giving whole lot of immense support is Kiran Kher, who is so superb. I think she is one of the major reasons to watch the film. When you see her in the scene, where she is supposed to be the quintessential "old mad woman" who warns Rampal from going in the house, which is supposedly haunted with the bhoot of Deepika Padukone. She is soo funny! and then her lines in the background make you laugh like anything. Then there is SRK's sidekick Shreyas Talpade, who has done his role really earnestly and comes across as endearing. I liked SRK in the first half a lot, but in the second half he is not as good. He hams quite a bit in his scenes with Rampal. But with SRK, you can see that he is so passionate about his scene that even when he hams you cant help but liking him. Not everyone has this quality.

The 31 star song which I thought would be no big deal is actually quite fun and really nice to watch. Other scenes I found funny were the filmfare awards with Akshay Kumar and Abhishek. Akshay Kumar is really good at comedy and I think there havent been many movies that have extracted that from him.

And other than the super sidey dialogues, which ironically are the USP of the film, Farah Khan's direction is great. Some dialogues were a bit repetitive, and they should have been removed but other than that I liked the ending song too, where everyone who contributed to the film are shown and its just nice for all the pple in the behind the scenes to be appreciated. Hmm so wat else?

Cant think of anything else, just simple advice to everyone to definetly go see the movie. Its fun, super entertaining, unpretentious and just mad. =)

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of the pardesis

once upon a time, in a land far far away, in the midst of the desert, there used to be a lone tall building. in the lone tall building, there resided the US Consulate. Earlier, a trip to the US Consulate had to be booked a day or two max in advance. As the world became smaller and the lone tall building became even smaller, it now takes a whole month and half in advance to get an appointment. and this time, its a whole different ball game when you are applying for work visa.

so thats the bad news.

the good news is that im going to go home for vacation. yayy. and between studying for exam, working and trying to shop for family members, this month is going to be a whirlwind. there has to be a highly negatively correlated inverse relationship with work and time approaching for your vacation.

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covering your eyes requires two palms and more

so i know a little late in the news, but i was reading up about the sanjeev nanda case. case in short, a wharton undergraduate, whose grandfather was head of indian navy and father owns some major corporation that deals with arms. so this guy and his friends run over 7 pple, of which three are cops. the only survivor, the only witness ath the point, goes hostile and says a truck ran over him. the parents of sanjeev nanda, post a humungous amount of bail money so that he can go abroad and study at INSEAD, in France. considered one of the worlds top business schools. fast forward 7 years, the case is still wide open. the prosecution and the defence are all "milawa"( in other words on the same side). the media is the only saving grace, not so much coz they care, but more coz pple want masala, but at least they are doing something. and thats a lot, considering the judicial system in india has gone to the dogs.

and i know this may be a long shot to say but i do think more pple go into corporate law than criminal law coz of less obvious thugs.

but wat also shocks me, is that how well reputed business schools can accept pple like this. is there no background check at all? does it alll come down to money and your connections. on some more googling, i read this interview by the above on some hotel website, now he manages a high end hotel group in India. Not anywhere in this interview was it mentioned about this incident. If you think about it, its a lot of crap, that they teach you in school. Nearly every MBA course has an ethics segment to it, most financial firms have yearly ethics lectures that you ahve to attend. It makes you think, if this guy didnt get into his own family hotel business, he might have ended up working for some financial firm. It makes you think if this guy is so untrustworthy that he cant accept responsibility when he does the ultimate thing of murdering someone, would he be so trustworthy in smaller matters of when things go wrong in the financial world. i think not. what does this say about the education system?is all this so called ethics that we have to follow just a farce? or the fact that one thinks that education is key for yes progress, knowledge, wealth but also for the progression of humanity. it just seems like rubbish now.

i read another article by varsha bhosle, written a while ago, where she correctly states that these kids if they were in the US and had done something like this. That would be it for them. End of career and definetly a long sentence. And so they know it and abide by the rules, coz they know their parents cannot bail them out. But in India, where the sab kuch chalta hai attitude is so prevalent, its a different story altogether. Personally, I do think there is some law and order in the States, even people with a lot of power cant cover all their tracks and end up having to do time. not all i know, but at least there are far more examples of justice here than in India. or even the Gulf. I wouldnt say arab countries are better either.

wat further bothers me is the survivors family and witnesses who go hostile. when i told this story to my sister, her rationale was that if the survivors family is ok with taking the money then perhaps its alrite. coz in all effect its a huge amount for them and can actually make their life better and sadly it may be that they would never be able to make so much. i still think that they should be punished and the survivors family should get compensated too. but then this isnt an ideal world. and that rarely happens.

perhaps sanjeev nanda isnt a goon, perhaps he was just a drunken kid who didnt care and things went horribly wrong and his parents did what all parents do, protect their child. not saying they are doing the right thing. no one is doodh mei dulawa.

but in every situation we are given choices, and sometimes we dont know what the resulting effect the choice has but we do know when we are doing somethign wrong. our conscience guides us.there is no excuse really , one is solely and only responsible for the choice one made/makes. sanjeev nanda should accept responsibility for what he did and face the consequences of his choice. there are no two ways about it.

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zamanei ko bida kar dei...[loosely translated in context i think..to hell with the world]

so i was listening to this song from madhuri dixit's comeback movie, aaja nachle (come dance), show me your jalwa while waiting for the train at the station. and sometimes its really quiet, while you are waiting and the song can be heard through your headphones.

so this very prim proper, elderly gora businessman, you know those kinds who wear pin stripe suits and have a hankerchief in their left/right pocket. so he was standing next to me, also wiating for the train, and then suddenly he starts tapping his feet and swaying. and yes i know, i was thinking the same thing maybe its not my music, so i lowered the volume and he stopped and then i increased the volume again and he started swaying again. hahahaah. i did it a couple of times.

its true, music transcends language, race, religion and culture. may we always have a lot of music in our lives. =)

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kitni baatein..


Kitni Baatein Yaad Aati Hain
Tasverein Si Ban Jaati Hain
Main Kaise Inhein Bhoolon, Dil Ko Kya Samjhaon
Kitni Baatein Kahane Ki Hain
Hothon Par Jo Sahmi Si Hain
Ek Roz Inhein Sun Lo, Kyun Aise Gumsum Ho
Kyun Poori Ho Na Paayee Daastan
Kaise Aayee Hain Aisi Dooriyan

Donon Ke Dilon Mein Sawaal Hain, Phir Bhi Hai Khamoshi
To Kaun Hai Kiska Doshi, Koi Kya Kahe
Kaisi Uljhanon Ke Ye Jaal Hain, Jin Mein Uljhe Hain Dil
Ab Hona Hai Kya Haasil, Koi Kya Kahe
Dil Ki Hai Kaisi Majbooriyan
Khoye The Kaise Raahon Ke Nishaan
Kaise Aayee Hain Aisi Dooriyan
Kitni Baatein ...Kyun Aise Gumsum Ho
Kitni Baatein...Dil Ko Kya Samjhaon

- lakshya (javed akhtar)

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"Sapne zaroor dekho. Bas unke poore hone ki ummeed mat rakho" - DDLJ

so at a dinner with friends, we started discussing if it we were without any stress, any responsibility, without parental pressure, basically without worrying where the next pay check comes from, what we would do. and its interesting to see a lot of pple (or maybe its just my friends) are into some form of "creativity". i say creativity in quotations coz there is creativity in everything, even if you own a small bakery/patisserie of some sorts and find a unique way to make your pastries, that is creativity. or if you are a programmer and discovered a new way to structure your code, or created new programs to simplify your work. that again is creativity.

but in the regular sense of what is considered creativity, is the arts. journalism, writing, entertainment, and sometimes even entrepreneurship( i so know this is not hte correct spelling).

so anyway, my dream job which again has varied from since i was growing up. in my preteen to early teenage years i wanted to be a detective (the xfiles kind and not the karamchand jasoos fametypes ) and then a radio jockey and then a journalist but over the last 3 years its been, a movie director or writing a screenplay for hindi movies. (only problem is my hindi isn't good at all) and interestingly my friends want to do interior designing, be a travel documentarist kinds (im sure there is a real word for this), write a book, be a singer, have a business that sells movie star paraphenelia to dumb teenagers/kids (ive been there), have a desi restaurant in a red neck town, soap opera star, talk show host, professional pool player ( i dont really know if there is something like this in reality).

i guess there are very few pple who do their dream job, occassionaly one will hear of so and so who quit their very stable very desi very professional computer programming job to join film school. i think it takes guts. it takes even more guts to realize that when you actually find yourself doing your dream job you a. are not even that good it as you imagined you would be and that you would fit very nicely and everything you do would strike gold and then it doesnt b. that it actually wasn't really your dream and more of a whim.

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The 161 million punishment

so the major news to hit the financial market today is that merrill lynch's ceo stan o'neal "stepped" down admist the $8.40 billion write down, most coming from CDO investments. So as investors lose money, pple lose their jobs, the ceo will pocket 161 million as he "resigns", an office and an assistant all courtesy the Bank, (read shareholders) . this just proves not everything in life is fair. in the coming months, merrill lynch and other banks too will probably announce that they are cutting employees.

i dont get it, what kind of message is this giving. Thats its ok to take higher risks and aim for high profitability, just so you look good, but when things go rough, you can easily bail out whereas the taxpayers (yep thats rite, tax payers ) and investors face the brunt of your bad decisions. Logically speaking when a company does well, the guy who "owns" the company or rathe rthe head of the company gets the most profit, so shouldnt the same logic apply when the company does bad! The govt too seems to be joining onto the bandwagon and is supposedly doing the "right thing" by supporting those companies like countrywide finance who are making bad decisions and giving out bad loans. and when the company goes bust despite the brotherly gesture of the govt, who, other than tax payer, is going to bear the brunt?

I dont really know the politics invovled in merrill lynch, nor do I know who is right or wrong. But i dont think changing the CEO is going to fix things, if it were that simple, this action would have been done long ago. maybe its a classic case of having a sacrificial lamb. or maybe not. one can never know. but i do think the problem is deeper than having a captain that was steering the ship too fast that it hit an iceberg, the problem is much deeper than that. to continue the analogy it lies in the make of the ship, the risk management team should have been able to see it, should have hedged the risks it were taking, the pricing of these products should have been more transparent and more accurate. its not just a single thing. and something tells me, this isnt the end of it.

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sometimes its just better to shutup

K: you're worthless
H: no....im not worthwhile
-Harold and Kumar go to whitecastle.

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hum tau aise hai bhaiyaaa...

ok so the movie of the week is laaga chunari mein daag directed by pradeep sarkar of "parineeta" fame. who is unarguablely a good director and knows how to shoot a scene, but the script is poor and even though the acting is good, one can only do so much. the movie is based on the small, poor but obviously super happy family in benares, and then due to the money problems, the eldest (rani mukherji) becomes a high class escort and supports the family and theres a track where the younger daughter (konkona sen) who is first oblivious to her elder sister's profession, and then comes into the know. I am quite mixed on this movie, there are hardly any light moments in the movie, but its not even a fully blown emo drama as well. I think the promos give the movie away and we hardly see the eventual growth of rani mukherjis character. one day she cant speak english and the next day shes flying off to paris to attend some conference. its a bit strange. then it doesnt make sense why she continues in this profession when she has enough money to do something else. i couldnt really sympathize with the characters. and the ending scene is just ridiculous. i dont know, i guess we have already seen the fairytale ending (i.e Pretty Woman) and thought it was cute and romantic, but here it was absurd and forced.

my only reason to watch this movie is kunal kapoor, who is so naturally cute that you cant look at anyone else when hes there (again that may be only me who feels this way). but all the actors have done a good job, especially the bengali ladies jaya bachan,rani mukherji and konkona sen who are very natural.

all in all a movie that can be watched on dvd on a rainy day, not necessarily the line-up-at the-ticket-counter-four-hours-before-the-movie nor the buy-online-since-we-think-the-tickets-will-be-sold-out.

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of the yins and yangs

so after a whole 2 month of coming home after 9 at nite i finally got time to go get a haircut and do my eyebrows. i.e self grooming. and look like a human for a change. filmy dialogue translation "ab insaan ban gaye hoon". ive been getting the subtle hints at work, of course polite ones, "why dont you straighten your hair, it will look good on you". "your hair is finally looking nice". i know. im perpetually having a bad hair day. so much that im contemplating buying badges that they sell in central park that say "bad hair year".

anyway so i normally get all this done at my neighbourhood desi salon, coz of the extra added "pyar" (read scolding) that i get when i show up after months looking like a junglee. they always yell at me saying why dont you come every two weeks like we tell you too. what can i say, i appreciate the yelling it reminds me of home.

anyway so i ask for a haircut and the hairdresser turns out to be a gay guy. and yes i know this is totally absurd and shallow of me and hypocritical, coz the laundermat where i do the dry cleaning of my work clothes is done by a chinese man, but i still find it weird to get a hair cut by a guy. and obviously i couldnt refuse at that moment and be like no no its fine i dont want the haircut now. especially after the manager had fit me in.

so i ended up getting the haircut. and it wasnt the greatest haircut ever. but it wasnt that bad either. however that being said, there are somethigns that no matter how old you grow, things that go out of your own comfort zone and its nothing to do with religion or culture or anything really, its just the way it is. like talking about "the" relationship with the elders in the family, its something you arent super comf doing. like even going to a doctor, i wouldnt want my mom to do my checkup. i am just too embarassed in front of my mom. there are pple who being desis dont want desis do their medical checkup, they feel embarassed and prefer someone else.

i guess we all have some hangups which we sometimes dont realize, and sometimes do realize although we know they really are quite stupid to have.

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a thousand splendid moons

so im not really that knowledgeable on politics, but i really cant understand what is it about power that makes people do what they do. in other words why would benazir bhutto after being exiled, after having seen the nawaz sharif episode where he was sent back to saudi, after having received many death threats, after being in the middle of several controversies, after facing the possibility of being jailed etc, why would she decide to come back?
i really dont get it.
and i dont even understand why her party would spend millions on her "homecoming" when they can spend that same money on something more constructive. i mean isnt that enough reason not to vote for her party.
what is it about power that makes pple go a little mad. its not just the big power i talk about. even small things like attending recruiting events, where you are on the other side now and graduate students approach you and try to impress you by asking you some "insightful" questions. and no matter what you say,pple hang on to pretty much every word you say. and though you knew you really arent that powerful in terms of hiring them, you feel good that pple think you can.

sometimes power is more to do with what others perceive of you and not so much the power that you are "given".

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A croire qu'aujourd'hui s'arreter etait exclu

(To think that today, stopping was out of question)

theres always something fun about watching wedding videos. watching pple, who are sometimes unaware that they are being caught on camera, let go and dance their heart out. with all the bollywood steps and all. oblivious to the fact that they arent the best dancers that ever were. but the sheer joy on their faces is (to quote mastercards catchphrase) priceless. this also can have adverse affects when someone is caught on camera picking their nose (thats where editing comes in). but i think more than that it even to the pple who actually watch their own wedding in polaroid form, it feels like an out of body experience. its the same i think when you watch your home videos of days gone by. its like you are watching another person, someone who you were, someone you may have been but are now not, and that time has passed, that moment is gone, and though it is something you look back at with lot of good memories, its still not where you want to be again.

you are happy to be in your present.

PS this is more to do with your home videos of your bad haircut days and not so much wedding videos. lot of pple want to go back and repeat their wedding day again with a whole lot of changes.

le contexte est plus fort que le concepte - MC Solaar.s

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kuch kariye kuch kariye nuss nuss meri khaule…hoye kuch kariye - chak de, india

so the movie of the week is chak de. normally, in sports genre kind of movies, the worst team miraculously ends up winning in the end. this is far far from reality. the opponent is usually the bad guy, its never ourselves or anyone within our team. its usually depicted that a team is rock solid with no internal problems of their own. i think this movie tackles all these issues, in particular, that sometimes one becomes so focused at achieving ones own personal goals, that teamwork takes a back seat. and we all know, you can never win a battle on your own.

i think sharukh khan is subdued, powerful, inspiring all at the same time. and i normally think he is a little over dramatic. but here he is very very good, the heart and soul of the movie. there is no moment in the movie that i feel when is this going to stop. the girls in team india have done a great job, especially the actresses who play komal, preity, balbir(sp) and bindiya. i think the emotions are very real. after a lecture one doesnt really suddenly become" good", the realization doesnt suddenly dawn on them, like in most hindi movies. in reality, there is still undercurrents of tension and being irritated at one another. this is realistically captured in the standoff between the coach and the senior player, where the senior player has to deal with ego or love for the game. and sometimes its hard to change. and how one has to deal with these kind of personalities, it comes across. i.e when sharukh khan tells her shes the only one who can help them win this particular match.

not only is this movie about winning, its about religion as well. but subtle not being too preachy. how sometimes, in fact i think we are the only nation that mixes sport with religion. so ridiculous.
then the movie is also about how pple still view what women can do and cant. and itsnot just some remote villagers who think that, but pple who live in the city and are supposedly "progressive".

all in all a great movie, with some great performances.

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the battle of the overeducated versus the "adequately" educated

so this is the age old question of how important is education to be "successful". everyone agrees to the point that every child has a right to education and its impt they should be educated at least upto high school. but what happens after that, at what point does your education stop adding that extra marginal value to what you end up doing for the rest of your life.

forbes magazine listed 7 of the top 15 richest pple are college dropouts. they probably just didnt see the point of studying things they werent interested in. a colleague of mine, outrightly asked me whats the point of me giving these professional exams. and why phds were giving it too, since they were overtly qualified for it. and his advice was that i should spend my time working longer hours, doing extra work for my boss rather than studying for this exam.

maybe. hes right in his own way. he started from ground up and has a substantial amount of experience, which in a way is something that cannot be measured no matter how many degrees one rakes up.

however, i do believe there is value in education. and true there is only a small percentage of what you studied that you actually use at work. and once you climb higher up the corporate ladder or decide to open your business, the further away you move from "real work". you move into manging pple/the business. experience, people skills and being able to see the big picture is what is key realy. even then i think there is nothing like the experience in being in university, there is no other environment where you have the opportunity to learn what you like, to make mistakes without being fired. most importantly its where pple actually want you to learn and will help you whole heartedly.

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"Meredith Grey: At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them....." - Grey's Anatomy

so today i went to a lecture of someone whose considered as one of the "celebrities" in the math world. and i was kind of looking forward to it, coz the trio who created this famous model, one of them was teaching at our university. and this guy was another one of the trio. anyway, so the only thing which was kind of deterring me from going was that the event was in the office of this firm i had interviewed with. and it was a full blown 6 hour interview. which i had bombed.

so i thought what are the odds of meeting one of the 6 interviewers. (yes, i know pretty high since it is their office, but still they have a gazillion employees) and then what are the odds of them recognizing me. given that im the part of the not so elite back benchers and strategically choose a seat where i can quickly sneak out once i get bored. but like everything in life, if you try to run away from it it will find you. and it always has to happen to me. whatever, or whoever i want to avoid, i simply cant.

so not only do i see the head interviewer as soon as i get out of the elevator. but i quick thinkingly duck behind my friends (close call) , so he doesnt see me. i think ive saved the day. the interviewer walks rite upto the front row and is seated there. me thinking, i can so survive this. 20 mins into the lecture, interviewer gets up and goes outside, comes back and lo behold sits at the back, right next to me.

so ive managed to look down and scribble frantically in my notebook when he initially went outside, so he doesnt notice. but there is no way i can hide when he is sitting rite next to me. from the corner of my eye, i can sense hes looking at me trying to place me. meanwhile im still scribbling in my notepad, and as soon as the lecture is over i rush out, without taking math world celebrities autograph.

im sure its going to hit him in the middle of the night, who i am. haha. too late.

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can you have it all?

so these two weeks have been gruelling and i was not sure if i would like the rush, the stress, the excitement of doing things on the fly, or rather 10 mins before a crucial meeting. im surprised that i do like it, its completely the antithesis of my personality. now if only i can think of bullshit answers to tricky questions on the fly and still come off as smart. (the last part is the catch)

anyway, i was wondering its not easy to ahve it all. you may be really smart and be a real team player but if you arent arrogant about it, its hard for pple to take you seriously. im really not kidding on this. intuitevely you would think no, thats not true. but its so easy to be taken for granted.

my biggest pet peeve at work is picking on someones error and ccing it to your boss. sicne when does niceness take a back seat, we are only human and coming and talking to the person might be a better approach. and goodwill does take you a long way. another annoying thing is making sure the whole wide world knows whne you did one really small thing for another person. a favor given is a favor in return. but not this way.

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Jeevan hai, jaan hai, ya parchaayee hai

so this weekend, me and a friend played cupid to another friend of ours. there seemed to be a lot of common stuff between both of them and i was quite excited that i have officially become a "rishtawali aunty" now. (haha - NOT). me and my friend both were there as the "body guards". anyway it wasnt a complete lost cause. coz both pple, who were being introduced, (not in an obvious way of course) are friendly and good pple. sadly, they hardly spoke to each other. and the guy was more interested in getting his hair cut then talking to us. and he kept looking at his watch too. not a great sign. but in the end, both parties when questioned, individually of course, agreed that they would rather just be friends.

sometimes first impressions are everything. sad, but true.

neway, ramadan has been going along fine. just miss home a lot. and i mean a lot. and it has nothing to do with the special food cooked during iftari. (ok maybe a little) .

but theres something missing. and i cant explain the feeling.

on the other hand, sometimes someone says something or does something and then it feels like home.

at a turkish restaurant few mins before iftari, waiting (im)patiently for my takeout.
waiter: sister, are you fasting.
me: yea
waiter(big smile) *goes and brings a bowl of dates*

=)

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ramadan kareem

"The gift of hearing and sight are each a trust from Allah." Similarly, the gift of speech is a trust, for if it were not so the Messenger of Allah, praise and peace be upon him, would not have said: "If anyone disputes with another and swears at him, let the latter say 'I am fasting, I am fasting."- Imam Al Ghazali

"O who believe, fasting is decreed for you as it was decreed for those before you; perchance you will guard yourselves. (2:183)-The Holy Quran

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waqt ki qaid mein, zindagi hai magar..chand ghadiyan yehi hain, jo aazad hain

Started reading Dante Alighieri again. one of my biggest regrets is selling my norton anthology of literature. but it was a time when i was a student and after having blown up my budget in the beginning of the month i was left with zilch for the last 10 days. hard lesson to learn. and a new copy is just not the same as my scribbled on, highlighted, note written on the side, tageared comfortable version. nevertheless, the matter doesnt change and here is some excellent wisdom from "Divine Comedy".

There is no greater pain than to remember, in our present grief, past happiness.

Be like a solid tower whose brave height remains unmoved by all the winds that blow; the man who lets his thoughts be turned aside by one thing or another, will lose sight of his true goal, his mind sapped of its strength.

Your earthly fame is but a gust of wind that blows about, shifting this way and that, and as it changes quarter, changes name.

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p for politically correct.

so the latest thing ive been hearing at work from fellow colleagues is the p word. p for politics. everything gets explained with that word. everything. and sometimes drafting an email, a simple email that explains how things are, (without having to step on anyones toes or to put it euphemistically and literally (both not) without pushing them out on the street (i.e without getting them into trouble) becomes a complicated process. simply put, how transfer of blame can occur without actually taking names, but invisible fingers point, coz everyone still knows who you are.

email can get quite tricky too, since something like "have a nice weekend" can become "heres a boatload of work you have to do, but hey have a nice weekend". pure sarcasm. but sugar coated. ive never really thought of it that way until recently when i was writing an email together with a colleague of mine. and it took us 20 mins to write 3 lines. and it was my first peek into the world of office politics.

and yes, im quite aware of my surrounding, i know this is prevalent everywhere, even though i prefer to live in my little bubble. but i firmly believe if you work hard and do your work correctly because it is YOUR work and because you have pride in it, you can happily live your life without the p word infilitrating your bubble.

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wish it were a sunday.

so this weekend we took a road trip to the land of beaches, casinos, and buffets. in other words, atlantic city. i have to say though, the beaches are not very clean. and the highly touted trump taj mahal is really gaudy. and i really sincerely hope pple who havent seen the real taj mahal dont mistake this for the real thing. it is far far from it. but its still good fun and there are lot of fairs and its like a night long mela. still, worth a visit.

the other weird thing we found was : in a small antique shop in atlantic city we saw a framed picture of divya bharti. the lady who owned the store was an american middle aged lady who had a poster of aishwarya rai in her backstore, and exclaimed to us that divya bharti was an actress in the 80s who apparently fell to her death from a high storey building, some say pushed by her husband. and when we acknowledged that aishwarya rai is a bollywood actress, the owner of the store exclaimed angrily no! she was in bollywood now shes in hollywood.

okayyy..if only the rest of america knew that too. (just kidding)

neway my overall feel about the place. despite the bright lights, i still feel a sense of sadness. especially when you see elderly pple gambling away at mindless slot machines. there is really no level of skill involved in slot machines. and the overall probability of losing is much much higher than winning. but we are all driven by hope, hope of winning even when we are losing, hope of getting better at work, hope of belonging, hope of hope. perhaps its not the addiction that causes downfall, perhaps its the hope that sometimes drives us to the extreme. hope can be a double edged sword.

so anyway we nearly got kicked out of the casino as we decided to stop and stare at some pple playing poker or roulette or something i dont even know what it was. we werent going to play we were just looking. we dont even know how to play. however the dealer wanted to be mean about our existence and asked for our IDs and then the "executive" of the casino shows up and asks us for our IDs too. and as luck would have it, im the only one who didnt have my ID. and so he kicked us out.

i wonder if i should be happy that he thinks we look under 21 or i should be sad that racial discrimination is still existent even in happy-g0-lucky-atlantic city.

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amriki chai.

so my latest quest at work is to make a good cup of chai. since we dont have the chaiwallas to bring us a cup of kadak dood wali chai, we have to make our own lipton tea bag-fat-free-milk-hot-water versions. yes, this is the wally in me. [in case anyone doesnt know what im talking about, wally is a character in dilbert cartoons that doesnt do any work and mostly is wandering around with a cup of coffee/tea in his hand). [however i do, do work].

so ive tried different variations of first putting 3/4 hot water and 1/4 milk then the tea bags then microwaving the sad styrofoam cup (is there a more depressing thing than looking at white styrofoam cups, but i shouldnt complain coz im too lazy to actually remember to rinse my ceramic coffee/tea mug.)


so as i was saying ive tried different combinations of the above in different orders. but it has the same bland yucky taste that everytime i take the first sip i cringe. ( again im not a tea drinker and i only do it so i dont fall asleep after lunch time) ( i cant even surf the net, to stay awake, coz of my manager and his manager sitting in so close proximity). and coz apathy hasnt hit me yet. ( the secretary of the head of the group actually makes bids on items on ebay during work quite obliviously to whoevers watching and she actually asks me whether they are good bids.)

anyway i don know about others i sort of expected a variation of the boss in dilbert. not my boss ( coz hes awesome) but i expected some other bosses to be that way. (yes i can be naive and all that) and so sometimes i expect the head of the groups not to absorb all this heavy duty math stuff and not to really "know know" whats going on. but impressively they do and they actually ask insightful questions that make you think why didnt i think of this. so yes dont believe everything you read and definetly not a comic book.

and today my boss gave me a tip about his boss, watch for the arch of the eyebrow if it is arched for more than a minute, understand things arent going that well for you.

if only we all came with handbooks for body language.

PS if anyone knows how to make a good cup of tea with only teabags, milk and a microwave. please let me know.

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is this part of an illusion?

no one friendship ever stays the same. it changes over time. you change. your friends change. and no matter how hard you try to hold on to the past, the faster it slips away. like holding sand tightly into your palm. and since im instrinsically idealistic, id like to believe that some sand grains remain in your hand, reminding you of your unique friendships.

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dillagi ka junoon, zindagi ka junoon.

i think sawant is someone to watch out for. this song has the sufistic appeal for soft rock music fans. and the video( on youtube) is good too. there is definetly something about rocky barren areas where not a single soul is to be seen and you can cruise around in a classic convertible. there is some kind of calming affect, to be surrounded only by nature and its quietness. that being said, i dont think i would be ever to take that road trip alone. or even with friends. it has its appeal but only visually. each his own. and i know you can never say never, and i do think it definetly should be tried once.

neway, back to soft rock. i wonder where those silk route guys disappeared. i actually thought they were good. and liked their other tracks far better than the one that got popular "boondein". i really liked them, they were quite an inspiration to wannabee guitarists like me.

on a totally random note, i recently read a comment on someones blog on the lines of that only sad pple blog. i dont think this is true at all. i dont htink its got anything to do with sadness. i think its more on the lines of expressing yourself. whether it may be about voicing your opinion on some political matter, cribbing about your life, posting random pictures or quizzes on your blog, writing useless stories of your day. its just a means to express yourself without the fear of sounding stupid. and the pseudo journalist in you.


sapno ko phir sajaye, umeedon ko jagaye yeh junoon

har baaton mein junoon
har vaadon mein junoon

armaanon ke diye mein jaise, lau kar chal aaye yeh junoon.

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phir bi shehr ka shehr hai, main jo hoon yahan.

so today i called up a desi store in downtown manhattan coz i wanted to buy diyas. one of my best friends gets married on saturday and our gang has decided to do a dance with diyas. ive never even actually held a diya before so i wonder how its going to go. neway, so i called up this store and this is the conversation

me( in my nicest and sweetest myena jaisei voice) : hello, do you have diyas?
mean guy on the phone (thereafter reffered to as mgotp) : yes we do.
me : how many do you have and how much are they?
mgotp: I DONT KNOW. I DONT KNOW.
me (completely zapped now, thinking hes kiddding) : err...you dont know? maybe you can..
mgotp: I DONT KNOW. THIS IS MY POLICY. I DONT KNOW.
*then hangs up, doesnt even say bye*

WTH. wat kind of shitty policy is THAT.

either he was in a really bad mood or he really does not know how to do business. im guessing he didnt want to tell me coz it was overpriced and terrible quality too. everything in the city is 10 times the price. the other day i saw kurtas that you get for 400 Rupees in Mumbai selling for 100 USD here.

ridiculous. they really think we are from ali-bhag. (no offence to alibhagers). not even nondesis fall for that.

neway so then i told my friends at work and after some voice modulation classes on how to say "diya", they are each to call that guy and ask for diyas. we will crack him by hook or by crook.

i know, im evil.

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Baat dil ki kahoon, Hindustani jo hoon..

so i couldnt blog on independance day (15th august) and the only remotely celebratory thing i did to was read the inside special in Financial Times about India. then there are some elaborate plans to go tommorow to see the Indian Day Parade, where Priyanka Chopra is supposedly attending or something. God knows if thats going to happen. Nobody is that enthusiastic.

I guess its different if you actually are IN the city when independance is celebrated. and sometimes I dont really know what independance means to the newer generation. other than a day off from school and fireworks and bright lights. (of which i never did, coz fireworks were not allowed in dubai and i was never allowed to be part of the cool kids who did them anyway(

even my parents who were too young during the years after independance, dont really feel any "connection" to this day. its the case where if you dont go through it you dont feel it. "rang de basanti-ish" is our attitude. (the earlier part, i mean)

but that doesnt mean everyone feels the same. for some its a remembrance of how after so many years, we still are "qaidi" of own personal demons of race, color, religion, corruption, poverty and greed. for some its a case of looking at others and passing judgement from our own bubble. for some its a painful reminder that an eye for an eye makes everyone blind. for some its a recollection of things that could have been had we not been separated into smaller parts, only to suffer without each other.

its time to accept that whatever has happened has happened. its time to move on and be optimistic. if you dont, you will fall behind. i didnt make those rules, its just the way it is.

for me the strange thing is i grew up in dubai and i lived all my life there. so i could never really associate myself with india. i was very anti india. yes it sounds really horrible. it probably was. i was the spoilt kid who could only associate india with mosquitoes (blame my parnets for taking us there during the monsoon season). and i was the kid who used to cringe when we saw flies in the house and until they were all "eradicated" i couldnt sit in peace. where the guy who would be yelling while selling something early in the morning, would irritate me so much that i remember once actually going out and telling him to stop. ( i was that spoilt) . where i would ask my dad a zillion times "when are we going back". where i would actually lose weight on a holiday to india. the land of relatives and good food. where i would use all tricks in the book to avoid going out to relatives houses or even going to town(bombay main city) for that matter. i have so many stories.

so its a little strange, that when im here now in US. i find that i started speaking hindi more. and i as i grew older, i find that all those things which used to bug me dont matter anymore. i look forward to going to india, and especially during the monsoons. and if someone told me that you would have to move there and actually work there i really wouldnt mind. i like the bustling city, i like the haggling in the sabzi market, i like the joggers park near where we live. the street mess doesnt bug me as much. and i actually want to go to town, panvel and other areas which i never visited and want to see the city not just the touristy places. not only mumbai but even places like calcutta and chennai that ive never gone to. i cant explain why i feel this. well maybe coz i m not now so narrow minded and pathetic. but i feel almost like i belong. and i guess thats the indianness in me. theres a lot of loyalty i have for dubai coz i grew up there but theres also a lot of belonging in india. and theres also a lot of fondness for the US coz thats where i made the greatest friends, had the most opportunity and i guess the place where i first felt independant and felt i have potential to do anything.

ok now that i have rambled like a mad person.

heres the "filmy quote of the day" from someone who im a big fan of (majorly paraphrased). heard it on koffee with karan (ok, i admit i do like that show)

"we, generally keep on talking about generation gap. Generation Gap is generally there becoz there is some kind of lack of respect. If as older pple, we understand there are certain things that our children know and we dont understand.... And, we should be humble enough and honest enough to be able to learn that from them..... And then there are certain things, that YOU better understand, which we know and they dont know. We enrich each other. Then there is no generation gap."
- Javed Akhtar on Koffee with Karan.

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aaj puri azaadi

so im sure lot of pple have heard of jerry seinfeld's famous joke of a poll where they found that more pple are afraid of public speaking than skydiving. in other words you would rather be the person whose dead than the person who is giving the eulogy.

im afraid of public speaking, im the person whos heart beats faster by the second and if its really quiet you can actually hear it. i just find it weird hearing my voice and having a roomful of pple hearing it too. its almost like having an out of body experience.

however, i do think i hide my fear pretty well. but in order to be a great and engaging speaker, its not enough to hide the fear. the goal is to conquer it and forget that you are presenting and people are judging you.

todays workshop was focusing on your public speaking skills. and what struck me as pretty funny and strange at the same time, nearly everyone said that they felt nervous. even those who you think are extremely well spoken and confident. it almost reinforces the fact that the only thing you need to fear is fear itself. no one really cares and everyone is as scared as you.

its good to know. heres some things i learnt and perhaps they may help others who come across this post.

1. fill the umms ...errrs.. and aahhs with pauses.
2. its OK to pause. in fact you SHOULD pause. allowing things to sink in.
3. the faster your delivery, the more junior level you depict
4. move your hands (ive always moved my hands when talking and it used to irritate my parents a lot. its funny how you have to unlearn everything you have learnt sometimes)
5. maintain eye contact and not too superficially, try and focus on one person at a time, then another. rather than skipping over quickly.
6. try to make the style slightly conversational
7. keep it simple dont overwhelm with superlative words.
8. ask questions, tell your stories if you have any. and only add jokes if you can pull it off well.
9. practice, practice practice
10. smile. a lot.

so these points are what i got out of the workshop. quite a few i faltered on espeically the umms. and errs..and pauses. i talk really fast when im nervous. like i want to get it over and done with. and i got a lot of feedback and towards the end i felt my nervousness become a little less.
The class was really sweet to me and i ended up getting quite a few positive criticisms and was told that they find me trustworthy and my gentle and smily demeanour is quite pleasant. this is a big relief to me, since banking professionals especially women have to project a more louder personality in order to be appreciated. but thats just not me. and as much as i try its hard for me to be something im not. and sometimes when someone comments its good to be yourself, you feel good.

point of this random verbose tale: be yourself and be sincere. no matter what anyone says.

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oh how quiet..quiet the world can be..when its just You and little me.

so todays training was about the soft skills that we bring to work. we started off with a personality test based on the four personalities DISC behavior model. so basically, you fall into one or two of the following categories: D (Dominant) I (influence) S (steadiness) C (Conscientiousness). I ended up being a combination of S and C, mainly the perfectionists who are easygoing but have a tough time selling their ideas. the ones who avoid conflicts at all costs.

anyone who knows me will know im far far from the perfectionist. but i do believe some parts are true. im easygoing and will do everything possible to avoid a conflict. the reason is simple. i really dont know how to react. often when im angry i prefer to hang up rather than continue fighting or just leave the room rather than having a showdown and say harsh words. i do say them sometimes . but i just dont like it. and also im really bad at arguing, i tend to forget. i dont forget that im angry. i realize i am still angry and am still quite flushed and upset but i forget why im justified in being angry and i cant explain to the other and it becomes a losing battle and the point i wanted to make is lost. and then like most S personalities we wont really show our feelings to everyone just those who we are close to. and sometimes we brood on it and sometimes we dont. sometimes we realize its best to forget. and sometimes we hope that we can run. and hide.

and i really cant change this personality trait of mine. some pple think we are being "too nice" or in worse terms its equated to "ass-licking". which i really think is a bit unfair or a label.

i think its just really strange that when sometimes you ahve to deal with Dominant personalities. its considered perfectly ok for the dominating personalities to throw their weight around or be rude, abrupt and impatient. its considered ok coz thats "just the way they are"


and that strikes me as really odd. when did being civil to everyone and saying something critical in a nicer way became a bad thing? when did diplomacy become a negative word? when did not hurting pples feelings became a sucking up thing to do and saying it like it is the brave thing to do.

the more i go through these workshops, the more i find that in order to be successful and progress at their firm, its not enough to do an excellent job and be passionate about your work, you have to fill the stereotype that is perceived of "great leaders"

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If God is a DJ...Life is a dance floor.
You get what you're given, its all how you use it...

there are times where you think life isnt that fair and why do some things happen and why some things dont happen. and you think why does it always happen to you.

then there are those times where you see that you have family that care about you and not coz they are supposed to... but coz they want to and are your friends by choice. the same with friends that despite the ups and downs of your friendships, you still matter to them (and vice versa) no matter how much they or you screw up.

its the latter part of the times that count. and that help you realize how blessed you truly are.

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aat dus ki pehli local.

today was my longest ever commute to work. it took me +3 hours to get to work(normally takes 45 mins). i had more than half a mind to call in sick. nearly all the trains were out of service, because of some heavy rain in the morning. (although i really didnt think it was that heavy) and when i stepped out of the house i was like "wow aaj kuch khafi shant hai, kya baat hai" and i was also proud of the fact that i left home early, so I could reach well before time.

khayr, after i discovered this major issue, the second option was going by cab or bus. but its fate that you can never get a cab when you REALLY want one. otherwise when you dont want one, a million cabs will stop in front of you. getting on a bus wasn't an easy task either and after a lot of pushing and shoving, mera number finally agaya, but it was super crowded bus, i couldnt breathe or move. it was so so cramped and the bus was hardly moving, and i injured someone in the eye with my bag. so i did the best thing one can do in this sveltering heat: i walked. and after walking "aimlessly" south, i later on did something i've never done before either, i.e take a cab with 3 other strangers who were all heading out to wall street. we hardly spoke to each other in the commute, it was like sitting in the train but smaller version.

after having stressed the whole morning, i had a moment. while sitting in the cab i finally gave up. i didn't care anymore whether i was late, whether my manager gets called asking why im absent, whether i have to stay after training to hear a lecture on punctuality (im kidding..it does sometimes happens at other places though),i just didnt care. the epitome of apathy. and when in fact, i started to feel like the guy from "Office Space", and was just about to get out of the cab and spend the rest of the day at a museum, like a sad twist of fate the cab reached work.

and then slowly but surely, my stress crept back in.

two things learnt :_

i have a new found respect for those who commute in super crowded modes of transport.

new yorkers cannot survive without the metro.(train system).

and they should not be forced to survive it either.

and as law abiding, super-heavy tax paying citizens we have a right to trains 24-7.

Sarfaroshi ki tamana ab hamara dil mein hain!

signing off for now,

- a little crazy and a lot tired me.

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darna zaroori hai..

so here's what happend to me on the subway yesterday. these two desi guys (typical software engineers guys.. i can bet my whole years salary that they were!) got on the subway yesterday and quickly sat down next to the 2 free spots next to me. after they sat down they realized, i was desi. the guy sitting next to me got super scared for some reason and was chipkofying to the other guy, almost like he was going to sit on his lap. and with every movement of mine, he would get really nervous. it only helped when i took out my ipod to change the song.

his thought process "shit desi girl....oooooh nice ipoddd..is it 4gb or 8gb..does it have video?".

i got off at the next station and a cardiac arrest was prevented.

just to be mean, i could've taken out my camera just before getting off, and should've taken a picture and said "hey guys, say cheez". im sure they would have fainted. hahah. jk. sadly, i only think in my head.

Gabbar singh: Yahan sey pachaas pachaas kos duur jab bacha rota hai to maa bolti hai soo ja betey soo jaa, warna desi larki aa jayegi".

hahahha. im lame, i know. but they were lamer, seriously.

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phir bhi dil hai hindustani...

so i found this clipping on youtube of Indian Idol 3. I didnt even see the first and second Indian Idols, so it really was very random. The clipping is of Meiyang Chang, a third generation chinese, who is now indian. His audition was on "Gunji See hai" from Kyun Ho Gaya Na. After the clipping, I was shocked. Not, coz I dont know that there are people of chinese origin living in India. I do know that. But, I was shocked by the way he sang it. and how fluent he was in hindi. (far far more fluent than me). not to mention that he has a great voice. and i really like the way Javed Akhtar ( a judge on the show) describes Chang's voice, its the voice of "a good person".

i think so too.

I started thinking about this time where I was interning, there was a guy who could only speak his native tongue fluently and only broken english despite having lived in the States for 10 years and having gone to an Ivy League school. At that time, I was shocked too. Coz, I couldnt understand how that would be possible. how can you not speak english after living here for 10 years and having gone to school here. But as someone explained, if one sticks to their own community and never ventures out of their "comfort zone", the zone that one grew up with- that one is habituated too. it then becomes possible to live in your own world.

im not passing judgement on them, coz I feel that I have done it too/do it too. After having lived in the Gulf so many years, I feel almost ashamed when someone asks me " so do you know how to speak arabic?" and the most I can answer is only words and I can string a few sentences together. and sometimes to defend myself i will add that i know how to read and write. sometimes I have to explain how everyone speaks english there and how you dont really need to know arabic and how there is a huge expat community there..blah blah blah.

but it really is a shame, that i dont know. i blame it on my high school and there clear separation of arabs and nonarabs. they really should make arabic a mandatory language to learn in school in the Gulf. its just part of being assimilated, in the true sense.

im also tempted to say when in rome, do like the romans. but honestly i dont feel that. i think we all are different, and its stupid to be all homogenous in every single thing. coz friendship transcends all that. however, key to friendship is having an understanding of each other. and when you can speak the language, you are now able to make yourself be understood.

back to the topic at hand, heres a dekko of meiyang chang's rendering (who is super cute as well) . hes also a dentist . (my dentist so does not look like this)

(courtesy youtubers)

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you're beautiful... its true.

Hanging out. Down the street.
The same old thing, we did last week!
Not a thing to do, but talk to you!
We're all alright..We're all alright!

- That 70's song

they say relationships are difficult. i, sometimes agree and sometimes i really dont. i often think that we get many a signs and we actualy have all the "clues" and we have all the pieces we need to make the puzzle and therefore see the clearer picture.

but often we dont see it coz we dont want to.

a friend of mine recently was very mistreated by someone she used to "see", and as much as i sympathize with her , i couldnt understand why after being rebuffed so many times in a very cold way she still went through round after round of humiliation. and even after i gave her the sympathy talk, the no nonsense talk, the angry talk she did the same thing over again and faced more humiliation again. the more it happened, the more her confidence level went down. and seriously if someone doesnt treat you nicely, they really are not worth even thinking about.

i guess there is only so much you can say or do for someone, after that its upto them. and perhaps its the bitter truth but some pple prefer to realize it the hard way.

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abhi abhi merai dil mein..yei khyaal aya hai..

so im really not fond of networking and am quite famous/notorious for not having attended many a events in college/work. i guess small talk really annoys me. and there is only so many times you can ask pple the same repetitive things feigning enthusiasm. weather-check. where do you live-check, which group are you in - check. so to avoid the boredom, i just skip the whole event altogether.

but this week, i did the "be a good friend" thing and accompanied a friend of mine to a far east asian event, so that she can meet more far east asian pple and possibly meet someone. [it can happen]. so other than role of a friend i became in addition the overbearing mom.

sadly it wasnt a great event, pple were quite pretentious. and now im quite convinced its not a desi thing the whole putting up an accent and pretending your ancestors were related to Columbus. its an all world phenomena. and to top it off, i was one of the three only non far east asian person . so hardly anyone spoke to me, which was not a bad thing. (antisocial, i know). the only pple we met were more interested in getting our contacts so that they can land the greatest jobs at our firms. the grass is always greener on the other side. but what they dont realize is im a tiny fish in the vast vast ocean. im not even those fish who look tiny but bully the other fish in the tank kinds. in fact, i m not even a fish im like the tiniest pebble in the sand. i have little to nothing say in who gets recruited.

anyway, i wish sometimes i could say exactly wat is in my head. sadly, i know i cant, so i blog. anyway back to the story, there was however two guys who showed interest in my friend, and coz i know my friend i knew the first one wasnt really her "type" (everyone has a type whoever says they dont is just plain lying),
so neway i became the pushy mom and tried to cut the conversation. (coz im such a villain). the second one was a doctor but i got really weird-shady-vibes from him. and there is just no reason why. u just do sometimes. and it wasnt just me who thought it, so did she.

i wonder why some pple give off the weird vibe, i wonder if i, myself give off that vibe to others too. i probably do.

so neway the doctor did call my friend. he cant be angling for a job in her firm for sure. so he is probably interested and considering theres nothing to lose, u never know. so being the over protective "mom" that i am gave the following advice,meet in a public place and dont ever leave your table even to go to the bathroom. the other plan b is for a bunch of us to shadow their table to make sure the doctor is normal. hopefully the phrase never judge a book by its cover holds true.

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coz there's an incidence in a coincidence.

yesterday was a great day. for one we actualy got out of training on the weekend. i pity the other groups, that havent been able to do. there is sometimes power in small numbers. neway that was enough to lift my spirits. but what made it nicer was meeting a friend that i hadnt met since high school. it was so surreal. i mean of all the places to meet them i met them in times square.(and ive been cribbing about the fact that i cant walk there anymore) and while we were having the "omigod is it really you" moment her sisters were taping the whole thing. made me a little self concious but it was really nice and later on when i met up other friends for dinner, my excitement hadnt worn off.

it really is a small world.

yesterdays highlights included finally eating at a french restaurant. im a bit disappointed that the menu wasnt in french. how unauthentic at that. but the fact that it had weird enough items on the menu, liver mousse, gapazalo (sp!). it was enough to redeem itself. im not so much an experimenter on these things, but my friend who had it really liked the "weird" dishes.

the movie of the week now, chucky and larry. seriously pathetic movie. its not funny. the humor is really crude. and i cant understand how girls would fall for adam sandler who is supposed to be a "ladies man". in other news, the theatre we went to watch is in time square and it had black out. there was no one to guide us out, i mean sure there are exit signs, but it could have caused a major stampede. and then later on many of us were exiting via the escalators rather than the stairs. coz we didnt want to be alone in the dark if the light in the stairway went out. i was really scared that anymoment now someone is going to fall from behind and its going to cause a stampede. im shocked that such a popular place is leeking of safety hazards.

dont watch this movie. only rent it if you love the sitcom guy.

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coz theres a b in business and blogging.

ok so ive decided to start a new blog on the markets, the world economies basically anything i read. This is in no way a recommendation for any asset class(stock picking etc etc). this is really my opinion and sort of like a consolodiation of the information i read so that i understand what im reading and can relate. from time to time i will think outloud and possibly track some stocks and that doesnt mean im endorsing them or am giving recommendation or that i know of any company/bank that is endorsing it. it is solely my opinion. and its more wrong often than right. and im still learning. that being said, i welcome others opinions and advices.

http://laeconomie.blogspot.com

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coz ive got one hand in my pocket..and the other one's giving out peace signs.


so the movie of the week is "pardner" or "partner". however you want to spell it. it has to be one of the dumbest movies ive seen all year. and though im not really in a position to be passing judgement,[ but then again im not really forcing millions to watch me]. neway, i have to say salman khan is looking pudgy as hell. either he is overtly happy (katrina kaif) or overtly depressed (aishwarya rai's wedding). either way its bad for him.

govinda is i guess govinda and though he is really trying hard, i dont think its working. the last part i actually fell asleep. ok so hte movie review from what i remember, its a really bad copy of hitch. salman khan is supposedly the all knowing of what women want and is grooming govinda so that he gets katrina. is it just me or is this a match made in bad movies.

i dont want to even get started on lara duttas role. or the lack there of it. rajpal yadav as the "chota don" is funny in parts. katrina kaif is really pretty but doesnt have much to say.

in other news, mini golf is not recognized as much as it should be. it has to be one of the most fun outdoorsy events that i have ever tried. i guess im much more appreciative now of mini golf after having been part of a team that was building one from scratch. isnt that normal though, we value things only when we've actually struggled for it.

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are we teamwork-challenged?

the last three days feel as i have been on apprentice. we were fifteen teams and were involved in building infrastructure for children's camp.

its always interesting to see how pple are in stressful times. there are some who are unhelpful from the word go. but then there are some who become a bit selfish when the deadline approaches. each his own, i guess. and then there are some, who do well during crunch time. they make a decision and make the best of it. and the end product is well worth it.

so that basically sums up the ice breaker tiring knees scratched feet blistered humid but overall fun teamwork event. the sad part though is children have grown up so much and have been exposed to greater and nicer things and its hard to impress them. its almost like asking someone to settle for snickers bar when they can have a godiva chocolate. (i actually prefer the former..haha) ok perhaps not hte greatest analogy. but there were times where we severely criticized for our work by the children of the camp, even though we had put our heart in it and were so convinced that they would love it. and then there were times where some kids appreciated it and couldnt wait to use all the new projects and were eager to do so.

i guess life is about keeping the majority happy.

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"btw you, whose cell phone is ringing. you're fired." - CEO of my Bank during a presentation when his phone, which was with the secretary, was ringing.

so we had another round of orientation (for the umpteenth time), where we are supposed to meet fellow colleagues from diff depts and different countries. get to know them, learn what they do, enrich ourselves and all that jazz.

this seems all very nice and dandy in paper, but sadly it is far far from it. coz you tend to stick to your own crowd and i think there is nothing more intimidating then going into a roomful of penguins (black coats, white shirts) and not know anyone. ive renamed bankers as penguins, please forgive me sisters (the original penguins)(i.e nuns (my jokes only make sense to me) and if you got this joke, congratulations you are now part of the small percentile that gets my lame sense of humor).

yea, so like i was saying its quite intimidating to go into a roomful of budding bankers and find them clustered in their groups of twos and threes and fours..etc.

one of the first lessons i learnt at business school is to attack the simpler problem. i.e approach the twos rather than the group of sevens, eights etc.


so like an avid student of principle, i do just that.

and this is the conversation that follows (please bear in mind, this is just my shallow opinion, and this steorotype is in no way or form the biblical truth.)

random wannabee desi dude (rwdd) and random abcd dude (rad) talking. i go upto them.
so i can introduce myself.

me: hello, hi my name is H.
rwdd: hi im X
rad: hi im rad.

and then they go back to their conversation, completely ignoring me.

WTF.


ok lets try again...

me : Hi, Im H.
random guy : Hi, Im random guy
me: Ok, so umm..random guy you work out of the London office huh
random guy: yea, you?
me: New york..umm so you work in Y group (group that makes more money than any other group) yea?
random guy: yea, you?
me: Z group (group that doesnt make as much).
random guy: *losing interest now eyes wandering*



WTDF (D is for double)


and the only thing going through my brain, *i can crush you with my thumb* (quote from friends)

one of my biggest problem is usually with other desis. i find desis as a species very competitive and in general dont really have that solidarity type thing that you would see with say the japanese or the chinese. where they actually seek each other out and behave like their long lost relatives. whereas desis, especially girls will eye you so differently. if you have a desi in your team, he probably will try to talk to everyone else but you. i dont understand that. and it really annoys me. cant you just be normal. and why why why do you have a british accent when you have not even touched british soil and have just been recruited to work there recently. please explain this phenomena. i once met a desi who lived in Mumbai all her life, who actually called britain their motherland. okayyy.

moving on.

i shouldnt say that all of them do it, but at least most of the ones ive met at these networking events pretend so much. and as much as i like to stereotype, i hate being stereotyped myself. the bank got a consultant to teach us how to network. other than the inane activities of asking your neighbours dumb questions about them, it also permeated the fact that society and people always have this need to pigeon hole you.

either you are an extrovert or introvert, either democratic or republican, either leader or follower, either black or white, either bully or nerd. i dont get this.

there are sometimes where you might want to lead, other times youd like to follow the herd. some days you dont want to talk to anyone and some days you dont shutup. i dont understand this need to categorize pple. but this isnt a perfect world and the imperfect world needs to categorize for it all to make sense. not to you. but to make sense to others.

neway tomm i have this teamwork event, it almos tmakes me feel like im on the apprentice or something, without the boardroom and donald trump. wish me luck. hope i dont get fired.

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coz my inner geek hearts dilbert, and coz there is philosophy in comics.


"i have this theory that everyone has their quota of happiness. Once it runs out, you die" - Scott Adams, Dilbert Comics.

I think Im sort of agreeing with Scott Adams, although Im not too sure if hes being sarcastic or he really means it. not being too morbid, but it sort of makes sense. if u can in fact control your emotions you will lead a more stable life.. i know it sounds weird, coz everyone says you should see the bright side and try and be happy most of the time..but longevity of life is more about how often you are in your natural state.

in emergency situations, its usually the calm who take the lead, who have the ability to think quickly and make the right decision. on the trading floor, its those who can control the feeling of overconfidence and greed or the floaty happy feeling or those who can control the anger, the depression of losing money/self esteem. its those who are the ones who last longer.

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movie of the week: my best friend's wedding. (i know little late. but it was on tbs)

and i think my favorite part of the movie is when actually (there are two) when julia roberts confesses that shes done bad and shes the worst there is.

Julianne Potter: I'm pond scum. Well, lower actually. I'm like the fungus that feeds on pond scum.
Michael O'Neill: Lower. The pus that infects the mucus that cruds up the fungus that feeds on the pond scum....On the other hand, thank you for loving me that much, that way. It's pretty flattering.
Julianne Potter: Except it makes me fungus

LOL. Touching.

Then there was the last scene where the newly weds are leaving and he leaves without saying good bye to Julia Roberts(Julianne), and shes a little sad that she cant say goodbye. and then just like that he returns and hugs her and says bye..

awwww...

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waqt hi shayad khuda hai..

havent blogged for a while mainly coz Im walking to work and have plenty of time to think about things happening around that i just dont feel the need to pen them down. anyway we went to watch knocked up and althought i had a lot of reservations about watching it, since im not really a fan of american crude humor. most of the jokes i dont get. but iwas so wrong, the movie yes is a bit crude but is still quite entertaining and a lot of the situations in the movie are true.

anyway the basic storyline two opposites meet. the girl ends up having a baby which she wants to keep and then the two opposites though totally different from each other are now forced to take a go at actually building a relationship for the sake of the baby.

later on when we were dissecting the movie, i started thinking is there too much emphasis on finding "the perfect" things in another. i.e the same compatibility, the same level of humor, the same culture, the same language, the same or higher level of education, the same religion, same family enviornment and in some cases the same "tribe" even. i.e we are looking for our own carbon copies in another.
is it stupid to do this coz ultimately it doesnt really matter. if you are a nice person it will work out, no matter how different as chalk and cheese you are. ( i never get this chalk-cheese analogy, but since its become a takya kalam i will use it)

as another friend goes through another breakup. and that too for no apparent reason. no fights, no nothing. just simply a decision not to be together. i then wonder how much the above reasoning holds. of course theres always the aftereffects where he later thinks whether the decision was correct and mulls over it and is depressed over the decision he himself made.

human relationships are quite complicated. and there is always never a clear and cut answer. its like trying to answer a long answer question in 3 lines.

i recently decided that i would do everything i always want to do in my year or so here in new york. coz never know where life takes you. so i decided to volunteer at the cancer hospital in my neighbourhood. which ive always wanted to do. its not as glamourized as they show in ER or Grey's anatomy. in fact, far from it.

hospitals always give me a mixed feeling. since in some ways ive grown up around hospitals and a visit to the hospital when i was growing up meant my sister would get me food from the hospital cafeteria (which i really found delicious). yes, im so weird. and then there are some really sad memories at the hospital too. i know i cant base everything on one visit, but mostly the pple visiting looked tired and depressed. and it makes me think like many a times do we only realize a person's worth only after they are gone or when we are beginning to lose them.

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