"Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it." -Marshall McLuhan

my sibling is expecting her first child next month, inshallah. its the first baby in our household and im excited, happy, nervous, tensed, a little overwhelmed and i would say a little nostalgic. all at the same time. im excited to be an aunt, of course a cool aunt at that. im excited to spoil the little tyke. im excited to be the aunt that everyone tells their secrets to, the aunt who will read wall street journal to tyke so he/she becomes super brainy and yes the aunt whose place kids want to spend their summer vacations at, since im so awesome and nice blah blah blah. yes allll that. but im nervous and tensed too since im scared about the whole painful labour that women have to go through. and i think my sibling is quite brave, although i dont tell her that too often (for good reason that) . i also feel a little nostalgic since this is it - this is a new generation coming in and their lives are not going to be the same anymore. our lives arent going to be the same anymore. its not going to be us and our crazy fights of pulling each others hair, we are all grown up now. well she more than me, but by default so am i, i guess. and now there is a big responsibility and one can't pick up their bags and head out spontaneously wherever and whenever. its the end of the nomadic life. (not that we have so much of a nomadic life, but at least one has the option ) but thats all in the past and this is the beginning of something. begininning of something better and something so selfless it amazes me day in and day out how people choose to have children and expect literally nothing in return from them. it totally is the most selfless job you can have and you tend to appreciate your parents more once you have been a parent. so they say.

well anyway, other than the baby shopping ( the gender of the baby is still a mystery), crib building, learning about which stroller has been recalled, which is the top parent pick..etc etc.

i have learnt that suddenly all these random aunties (and no not the cool aunty like yours truly but the aunties that try to fix you up with their 100 year olds sons - those kind of aunties) anyway they have been making a beeline for my sister. all of a sudden, they are concerned about whether shes eating right. and whether they can get her a chair to sit on. whether they can get her something to eat. and this is the best, whether they can throw her a baby shower - and really they barely know her. whats the catch, really? so anway the non cynical part of me wants to believe that yeh kaali daal nahin hai. but alas, guess what..they say apparently during labour, the mother should do dua since God listens to her prayers. more so coz she is in pain. I cant seem to find any verse on this and i dont know how much of this is hearsay or actually true, but these aunties believe it, and after much courting of my sister they land the masterpiece request

"acha beta, meri ek list hai - labour mein tum hogi na toh yei sab mere liyei dua kar lena" - wat the...! i have no words.

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so take the photographs and still frames in your mind.

so i restarted my guitar lessons again. and like everything in life, things seem sooo much better in the past. like how one dirham could get you a coke and a kit kat bar. and now one dirham cant get you basic gum. yes, those were the days. sigh. my first instructor was an overenthusiastic,a super encourager, so overtly happy and enthusiastic that i even contemplated whether she was just habitually stoned. yes, yes im not so much of a sunshiny-its-a-beautiful-day-person so i look onto them with great suspicion. jk. me and a friend would crib endlessly on the lines of "just let us play lady and stop interrupting us - the awesome guitarists that we are" (NOT).

so now i get the opposite, where the instructor is not so into "getting the chords right" - he doesnt tokofy you when you have problems switching between the chords or when i "don't strum all the strings" or when i dont curve my fingers ..etc etc. and granted i dont like being interrupted when im getting into it- i do think that when you are making a mistake, its good when someone is vigilant enough to care and correct you. sadness. but anyway we learnt some cool songs, which makes you feel a little good about yourself and make you hope that you arent a loser when your ultra slow strumming makes the song sound like everything but the song. i remember after our amateur performance last year, two guys in the elevator were like "okay that didnt sound anything like it". yes, we were forgettable to the extent where he didnt even remember that our group was the one performing and that we were all enclosed in that elevator together. so now im finally happy since the time of your life actually sounds like it should.

so,i hope you too have the time of your life.

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i never loved you anyway, im so happy you are moving awayyy.

the word space can mean anything to anyone. as much as im a city person, i sometimes miss having space. i dont want metres and metres of space - just a little more. so i dont step on your toe, so i can move my bag easily and not end up jamming it in your face. some mornings i just dont feel like going to work, all because of the crowded train. i get up 15 mins before i have to leave and go shit, the damn train is going to be crowded.. ok so, thats probably not the only reason where im going "shit". but it is one reason. and ever since the bust, property prices have dropped, yep even in the nothing-can-touch-us manhattan. so like a lot of pple i know, we are all in the quest of getting a little more, just a little more, space for a little less. so im not very keen on going the whole broker with fee route again, and paying them a pot full of gold for doing a simple google search. coupled with the fact that im ultra lazy, im so not into moving. i dont think the moving is the issue though, its just the packing and unpacking. how i wish i could outsource that. so in that aspect i should not move. but, i still have this very desi gene in me that thinks "kuch reh na jaye" so i do the whole song and dance thing with brokers and for the past two days i have seen such depressing appartments, that im reminded of my first days in new york. im not a fan of brick walls, they depress me. i dont find them chic or homey, i just find them dreary. white white walls anyday, thank you very much. and seeing a coakroach in the bathtub ( no matter how big the bathroom is) will not tempt me. yes, yes the appartment has been locked so we can expect some living creature to venture in. but that puts me off, im sorry. it just does. and having a big bathroom is indeed a luxury in the city, especially since my bathroom is compared to the bathroom on flights (and no i dont mean the deluxe emirates air bus bathrooms - which could actually be bigger than my apt) haha. and then the whole animals thing, its equivalent to seeing and adoreing from far but thats about it. i dont think i can stay in an apt that has had dogs or cats even. and i dont want to stay in an appartment that has a dog next door. can't deal with the stress of looking left and then right and then making a dash for the front entrance when i need to leave my appartment. hell, i dont evne look when im crossing the road. imagine the collision with a barking dog. shudder.

anyway moving is the new weather. you can always start a conversation with someone just based on that. coz in new york you are either moving, or you always know someone who is. if you think im fussy, i plead innoncence. a colleague actually has even more elaborate criteria than me. "it shoud have a dishwasher" (my reaction to that was - waitttttttt a minute you cook? - and then he looks at me and goes "err, yea, and you dont?" (like i was the crazy one). guilty as charged. refer to word lazy. and i guess the lack of cooking gene. once in a blue moon, the whole i feel like having ghar ka khana will strike me and ill end up making some elaborate biryani (which ends up ironically being - not bad- jiyo shaan masala) and will max me out for a while or ill end up making some burnt dal which will supress that whole cooking feeling for another few months. so anyways, yes, the dishwasher. just wash your plates dude. what chochlas. hahaha, i kid. im not a self dish washing fan either. go technology.

then theres the door man building criteria, which he had. i honestly dont care, of course not having one is sooo much cheaper than a building where someone opens the door for you and helps carry your groceries or whatever luggage you have and plus its safe, since everyone who enters the building is screened. and plus the door people are actually quite nice. i remember once it was snowing like crazy and some of the ice got into my eye and so i stopped in front of a doorman building and am going shit my eye my eye. and the doorman comes out and gives me some tissue. sweet. so, yes that is definetly an advantage. but im not fussy about it, sure it beats getting creeped out everytime your heater starts making weird hissing sounds - or when you lie awake all night after your friend's apt got mugged by a guy that came through the window. so yes, it helps to live in a super security building. but, i digress this isnt about being fussy. this is about wanting the basic things.

so in that aspect all i really want in my appartment is a little more space (as stated above), sunlight (real sunlight) not the light that reflects from someone else's neighbouring window. light that shines through making you feel happy that its a great day. or rain that you can see from your window while having a cup of coffee. so what i want is windows. windows that look on to the street, not some alley or worse someone else's appartment. there is such a thing as too much information, sadly people just dont get it. and........ an elevator, once you go elevator you cant go back to a walk up. there is no way in hell, that i will lug my desi style packed to the brim luggage five flights up. untill, i find all these perfect qualities in one apartment, i will stay put with what i have.

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sapnon sei bharei naina

they say first impressions are last impressions. i agree. there is a certain vibe that one gets from a person. im not saying good or bad, you can get a neutral vibe too. but when its good, you know. i dont know how, but you do. perhaps its a sixth sense. i dont know. a friend once told me, (too simplified for me), that everyone has a mental checklist of what they want in a spouse, and just by the magic of the human brain, you are able to compute, without the help of complex algorithms or calculators, almost immediately- within minutes whether you would be able to live with this person for the rest of your life.

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