Life in Prose

2011-10-01T17:04:00.000-07:00

and just like that you become 'the mrs'.

so i got married three weeks ago. its still has not hit me (or us for that matter). i mean for one things have hardly changed. i feel like myself. i am my crazy annoying self (at times). and i dont for one bit feel mature or like how people say you are supposed to feel as a married person. the part where you are overwhelmed with emotion did not happen to me at all, h gets so mad at me that i was laughing throughout the civil ceremony which happened a week earlier than the nikkah. where he actually shed a tear (so he says hahah)

i mean with all due respect, and i truly mean that with the bottom of my utmost heart, to those couples who get married in city hall. i really think they are doing the right thing by cutting out all the unnecessary expenses (and then splurging on a nice honeymoon in the carribean islands - ok i dont know if pple do that am just saying). i think it makes sense. but i really dont think it should be the only celebration of your wedding its just really bureaucratic. so anyway we went on thursday the 1st of september to get our license to get married. its a bit of an unnecessary process (in my humble opinion) since you are supposed to really have your minds made up that you want to get married ( you know thats why you are there or to witness someone doing that i suppose), so the fact that you have to wait 24 hours after you get your license is a bit crazy i mean what are you going to get cold feet after you see the throes of pple getting married. anyways, we wait in line and finally get called after a nearly 2 hour wait (crazy busy with nyc relaxing same sex marriage laws) and are given some forms and asked to come back the next day or upto 21 days after with our two witnesses. then after our license expires and we apply again.

so the next day we come back, im working till 2 that afternoon and have to get there by 3, so its a bit crazy. no, im not a workaholic (ok maybe a bit) its just that everything was going wrong that day and everyone just had gazillion requests which i had to complete and i really had to come into work since i had to. h was really nice about it and i think that reassured me im doing the right thing (:)) anyway im wearing my nicest dress that i possibly own (yea modcloth!) people are like why you all dressed up and i give them the whole oh im getting married in city hall kind of blurb and they are all like okay what you doing here - ugh, now i cant wear that dress again to the office , ir eally want to do though :( and i also have two big gigantic fat fat pimples on my face (After being pimple free for the last three months) - believe you me these things appear when you least want them to when you really dont want them to or you think you are getting too old to deal with this crap it comes at you with a vengeance (hate you so much acne) , its never when you dont haev impt stuff going on. and ok dear reader (whoever you may be - possibly me four years later) you may think this is a gross exaggeration, but they really were huge and the night before i had tried a gazillion remedies from the internet (i love you!) and i think the best remedy now to reduce your acne without leavign a scar maybe hot tea bags and iceing and perhaps aloe vera. i m not sure which one works it could be one of them or al of them. but anyway it didnt really help for the next day but the day after (but of course!).

anyways i leave work, after my boss says dont you have somewhere impt to be, im like yes and leave and am so glad and relieved that im going to be away from work for a blissful 2 weeks. me and h take the train to city hall and my friends come over as our witnesses. we take some cheesy pics, they have a nice poster as a background, im notsure what the building is but h humoured me and we took some really nice poses (im so glad we did that) no matter how cheesy you think something is just do it anyway since delete is so much better than regret. anyway we waited for our number , which turnedo ut to be 786, and ok ok i know there is really no islamic significance to that number, but growing up i thought there was so its really quite surreal that turned out to be the number. anyway, we wait for our number, the officiant calls us. she looks really bored like shes been doing this all day and for years(probably), there was a mix of pple waiting, a european couple the girl wore a really sweet white peasant dress and the guy relaxed jeans and shirt. you can really make out whose american and not, all the american couples were all glamed up, dressed in their finest, and then there was an asian gay couple dressed in plaid. we went after this chinese couple who took literally 2 minutes, we took maybe 2.5 :). the officiant lets us in and does the regular do you take etc. she asks h first and hes trying to be super serious and says i do and then its my turn and just to create some drama i hesistate and im like umm (my friend n is like crap) and then of course i said just kidding i do. the officiant is only slightly amused. then we are hugging and all smiling and exchanging rings and that was it. we ask her if we can take a picture with her, shes like oh ok like nobody really asks her to do so. and then just like that i am/we are legally married.

we then rush off to pick my sister and niece up at the airport. we cant find any cab, we flag a town car the driver is pakistani, we force him to eat our sweets (which i had bought with me). we get our car and drive to the airport. from then on everything is a super blur, meeting with caterer (super ugh), banquet manager, florist, picking out h's tie and shoes, picking people from airport, getting everyones accomodation, going to city tour with the family.

the day before we had the mehendi and i had arranged for the mehendi food that day in the morning super stressful (they also refused to deliver- just great). i have to get my hair done, force h to get his hair cut (he relented which was great since the guy who cut his hair was really awesome), i did use artificial nails since my nails were bitten to the bone and i have to say it doe slook really natural (and beautiful) but uncomfortable since im not used to nails on my fingers. i was really not into in the beginning (mainly since i was late to my own mehendi) but my sister forced me into putting them and im so glad she did but we did create a mini scene at the nail salon. The asian salon lady sideing with me saying its her wedding, i relented then (reverse psychology has its impact onme). some randomn girl asked me are you have an arranged marriage (no child all indians do not have arranged marriages and frankly there is nothing wrong with it. somebody at work asked me that too, since she had no clue i was getting married and i had never used 'my boyfriend', 'my fiance' in any conversation with her. then again i do look like the chupa rustom types hahahaah .ok i kid.

anyhoo moving along, the mehendi food was a hit and everyone was gushing on how tasty everything was. of course if i didnt put mehendi in my own mehendi party it would be sacrilegous so i ended up putting mehendi as well. barely though. i put in two hands on my palms arabic style. the mehendi wali was so frustrated with me and couuldnt understand why i didnt want to put the crazy bridal mehendi. and why i kept hurrying her up.ever since i was a kid the smell realy put me off. the mehendi wali then decided that this was a good time to write h's intial on my palm (super cheesy) (he couldnt find it let it be known you need to spell it out), then (really sweet of her ) but she takes out this gajra (flowers ) that you are supposed to tie on the hand of the bride and tells my mother in law to do that. and im like what nooooooooo but i oblige. thanks very much mehendi wali. but i have to say pple usually do their jobs and want it to be as least work as possible. but she was super enthu and even got mad at me when i smudged it a bit.

ok so the next day now, we were up at the godly hour of 5:00 am, after praying 2 rakats thats when it sank in a bit, i guess when you are talking to God you are talking to yourself as well. but after prayer it was again a blur. the make up person came at 5 and having to deal with so many ladies im sure was super exhausting for her. especiallyw hen pple dont like their make up. h came too and she powdered him a bit and got rid of some facial hair. and then rushing off to the venue where we were super late. thankfully the imam was already there. it has been super hard for us to find an imam who will do our wedding at a venue. what is up with imams in new york. the imam we had hired flaked on us, citing an "emergency" three days before. and that too after we called him. and he was so clueless. i dont get it really i just dont cmon you are supposed to be a religious leader, get with the program. so we found this guy after hounding him continously every hour. my mom and sister went to see him and gave him a deposit so that he would def show (well it didnt really stop the previous imam from flakign on us), his parting words to my mom and sister were (n urdu something of the effects of) - if my life is there then ill come.
ok dramatic. so my plan b was to make my borther in law the officiant, if he doesnt show.
thankfully he showed in a limo that too. style man.

anyways once i got the the venue, it was super rush to the bridal suite . pple were already there and i got changed inmy blingy dress. we forgot the orni that i was supposed to walk under. in retrospect i wish i had made the ceremony a little more interesting. we did not have any speeches of any sort, we went directly in twos to the aisle it also seemed a little bit of a performance which we also did not want but i think people expect some time of performance. the imam read ayats which we repeated and then gave a dua and then we agreed to marry each other three times, we signed my dowry (eeps mahar is not dowry )but thats how he translated it being 2911 (our original civil ceremony date)
my coworker later told me that he was scared that someoen around would see the imam and called the cops since it was in upstate new york. im not sure why he thought that but whatever. we then did our couple pics and i really really then wanted to elope and just go home and relax. ie leave my own party but instead h forced me to go inside.

after lunch, we had dancing which is really non traditional for our family at least. in india its normally eat meet the couple and chaltei bano but this was fun coz so many coworkers went a little crazy dancing and that was so fun to see. as always i was super shy whereas h is super brave but i stil managed to do a first dance with my two left feet. secretly i wanted to do a group dance to the suraj ki bahon mein song from zindagi na milegi dobara, and i probably could have made pple do it but was too exhausted to plan and coordinate anything. i think i only started relaxing at 400 when everyone had practically left and it was just my family and few friends.all in all everything went by fast and of the few moments i do rmember i remember laughing a lot, which i think is always a good thing.

i really cant believe that im married. but if i can believe it, im so glad to be married to h.:)

2011-01-12T19:11:00.000-08:00

so, this was round 2 of the snow disaster that happened in the city during christmas break. i was so hoping for a snow day, hell i even slept at 12 (late for me nowadays) and woke up at 5 am to check work email for a sign (read email) from anyone who had the authority to say work from home ( read: wear pjs and laze away in bed while watching bad daytime tv).

i so miss daytime tv. the no nonsensness (!) of judge judy, the annoying women trying to talk all at once on the View, the hunger inducing cooking shows leading to overeating. oh and ofcourse oprah.

speaking of oprah, it totally pays to be an oprah fan. apparently 300 of her fans got an all paid trip to australia with john travolta thrown in as the pilot. (that may be the only downside of the trip). but anyways knowing my luck even if i had invested a gazillion hours of my life watching oprah, i probably would never have won anything anyway. i recently entered a contest for writers, with the lalaj of getting an ipad. yes, the inbetween of a laptop and a phone. i was completely bowled away by the cuteness of the keyboard (the add on devices that make it into a laptop).anyways of a grand total of get this, 53, i manage to win NOTHING. Nearly 30 people or so won something or the other, but me nope. ok wait i take that back, i have won a bingo contest in ooty (read two fat ladies 88), playing against 5-10 year olds. im glad to say my attention span is a little bit better.

ok so this was a bit of a random post, but thats ok its good to be random once in a while.

2010-08-23T19:41:00.000-07:00

i didn't mean any of it

the heaviness of the heart
the path of a dried up tear
a throbbing headache
and you wonder
if this is worth it

time substituting for glue
and letting go makes it harder
how do u open a tightly sealed envelope
without ripping
scars unhealed resurface
conversations
become
discussions
become
arguments
become
dislike
which
eventually
become
nothing

we live for ourselves
we live with this fear
that it should not
go wrong
but it
still
does
and then it hits you
after the
lost pieces of heart,
words stabs,
confusion carps,
smudged eyeliner on cheek,
a wave of
relief

2010-05-25T17:05:00.000-07:00

Kill the messenger

I'm seriously hating this week well for one there's been more of the double dip feeling going on and that the world is going to the dogs. It's hard to make money now with the internet basically my theory is the faster news travels the fewer the arbitrage opportunities. So my suggestion is cut out all the news channels. Right theres my alph strategy right there.
Anyways so this week sucks for that and of course lest i forget to mention how pple literally don't care at work, showing up all dressed up for interviews, yes interviews at other firms . Dude show some discretion, really. i feel like the last of the Mohicans or the last man standing or whatever the equivalent of that is - you get my drift. I want to say I'm the equivalent to a loyal munshi in the Akbar era but that's just euphemism for I'm scared as hell to interview. And of course to answer the age old question of how much bullshit is reaalllly there in me. Apparently not a whole lot.
Between juggling exams ( I hate you so much ), pls God help me. And getting dumped with thrice amt of work thanks to pple leaving getting fired ( I miss my lunch time of reading bollywood news gossip ie my 10 minute of me time ). Coupled with trying to find a possible date, aggreable to everyone , to get married and to finally live in the same city without killing each other.

Life is involving way too much juggling. If I stop decide to close my books, decide to quit work and then elope. I'll probably fail become illegal and my mom will disown me. But would I be happier ( insert alternative rock music) ?
Most definetly not .

2010-04-15T19:13:00.000-07:00

swallow it down, jagged little pill

so a little late, but i just heard about the mathematician Grigori Perelman who was awarded the Fields medal, in 2006 - basically the math equivalent to the oscars, but decided to reject it. someone in the committee spent a day or two trying to convince him, that there was no harm, in taking an award for solving one of the most complex mathematical problems to date. in fact it took mathematicians years to figure that his solution was actually correct..anyway more recently though, he rejected a million dollars for winning the millenium prize problem.

ok seriously, who does that?

i took abstract algebra on a lark in my undergrad years during summer school ie when the homeworks are longer, weeks are shorter and you are practically living and breathing those three courses that you signed up for .i can say for sure it was one of the most challenging courses i took and even after the course was over, i was confused on whether i actually learnt anything at all, forget the practicality aspect.

on a randomn but similar track (aah the confusion!) is this news article about a european girl who woke up from a coma and started speaking fluent german despite knowing very little german prior to the coma

which brings me to the question. very simplistically, are we really all geniuses (or in fact is being genius the norm,ie we haven't scratched the surface of our potential), and all we need is to figure out the correct wiring of our brain, in order to trigger our geniusness?

2010-04-14T19:43:00.000-07:00

i love this song so much, it speaks to me.

you owe me nothing

I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it
I will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it
You can speak of anger and doubts your fears and freak outs and I'll hold it
You can share your so-called shame filled accounts of times in your life and I won't judge it
(and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it
You can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it
You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it
You can ask for anything you want anything at all and I'll understand it
(and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up
I bet you wonder how far you have now danced you way back into debt
This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is

You can express your deepest of truths even if it means I'll lose you and I'll hear it
You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss I'll empathize with
You can say that you have to skip town to chase your passion and I'll hear it
You can even hit rock bottom have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it
(and there are no strings attached)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return
-Alanis Morisette

you can make me feel insignificant
and ill bear it
you can be oblivious to me
but i wont say anything
you can be uncaring
but thats ok, since u know ill still care
you may decide to skip me and choose over me
and ill understand it
you can choose to be moody with me - always with me
but, don't worry, ill get it
you will not budge from what you want, even if it will make me happy
but, i don't expect it
you may be insensitive to me, maybe you realize it, maybe you don't
but i wont say anything, just blog about it
since it doesn't matter
coz
you owe me nothing
i give you thanks for receiving its my privilege
and you owe me nothing in return

2010-03-20T18:29:00.000-07:00

je crois que c'etait mon idee

anyways its been a long long time since i blogged and i promised myself i would not abandon my blog no matter how uneventful/eventful my life gets. so here goes ,couple of randomn thoughts, i will try to ignore the fact that i actually blog when im a. supremely bored b. have nothing better to do, oh wait thats a. again. c. have to study and don't feel like it.

so anyway today i was studying at barnes and nobles for a long time. the first hour was spent reading michael lewis's new book, the big short. so far im giving it a B, i mean its a lot of subprime mess started eons ago, subprime mess bad, etc etc but noone really is explaining where exactly in the math things went wrong. and i hoped this book would shed some light. but anyway im just a quarter done so im hoping itll answer some questions. so i read that, got a mild headache, not coz of the book, just in general so i went downstairs to the starbucks area thinking crap i have to actually order coffee related stuff which i dont drink, yes yes i know they have food. so i notice these two chairs and i sit on one of them, placing my books on my lap trying to study. after 2 minutes or so, an elderly man im guessing 50 maybe comes over sits there and proceeds to just stare at everyone. just stare. i glance up at him from time to time and ok im not proud to say this but it really felt like one of those people who go crazy one day and start shooting randomnly in a public arena. im sure there is a word for this some kind of weird profiling. but anyway i did feel like that. i got up after a while and found a desk to sit at. this guy finally moves goes to the men's "interest" section and ogling at weird magazines. then walks away. im still very uncomfortable, i guess my question today is when someone does something to you that crosses into discomfort zone you have every reason to a. punch them in the face or b. complain to someone who will but how about those who you just have an inkling about and where you don't know for sure. but your gut tells you that. should you trust that? just coz pple say one should follow their gut. or is your gut so influenced by mainstream media anyway and anyone different is programmed to be regarded with suspicion? unfairly, meanly and just plain plain plain wrongly.

2010-02-06T17:20:00.000-08:00

dil khei bhi kisi konei mein kuch iradei hai

it would have been
easy
had we known all the
answers

it would have been
comforting
had we said
what each of us wanted
to hear

but.its.not

easy
or
comforting
and maybe thats,
the answer.

2010-02-04T16:44:00.000-08:00

tum saath na do.. toh kya mein kahoon

i think one of the hardest things in life is to be optimistic. so i try. i try my hardest. to be so. i try when things are threatening to fall around me. i still try, albeit a period of brooding, i try. sometimes, i wonder also why i try. i wonder, if things are really meant to be, they will be and why does one have to try so hard shouldn't it all fit into place like your unplanned life to this point.

so, i think i'm letting fear eat me. fear of losing. fear of losing something that i possibly didn't deserve. fear of losing something that i possibly don't deserve. and sometimes its nothing but this fear, this fear of the future that binds you. that stops you from doing what you should do. and what you really want to do.

you know it. but you will not do anything until you realize its too late anyway.

updated: i do realize i sound like a frickin fortune cookie, and no not even those good ones that you keep in your wallet since they made your day. just those random ones, which you will read months later and be like what does this mean..ie what was i even blogging about.

2010-01-21T19:16:00.000-08:00

koye tau rokei...koye tau tokei..is umr mein ab... kahogei dokei...darr lagta hai ishq karnei mein bhi..

so, i havent blogged in a while. and many a times, ill think of something and be like i have to blog this but i forget. so anyway, i cant remember what im supposed to blog about, so ill blog about three idiots. i saw it with h last weekend. my verdict would be a 6/10. which is good. but not super good, considering the hype and the ridiculous amount of money its made.

so the good,i dont think i have seen an intelligent, coherent, non annoying, non wannabee, college campus hindi movie in a long time. in fact, i dont think i have ever seen one. so this movie really raises the bar in that front. so the actors, firstly madhavan, who i think is normally very cute, much to h's annoyance, has put on a hell lot of weight, making him look a little like the pot belly uncle types and making the college student gig a little unbelievable. anyway he plays the forced-by-parents-engineer. which i kind of got. in fact so much, that i kept saying to myself, so true. soo soo true.

then there was aamir khan's character, who is super passionate about engineering. even though his character is this supposedly humble, down to earth, happy go lucky guy, he really comes across as smug. then there's sharman joshi who likes engineering but who is so scared to fail, that he fails anyway. i really liked the whole sharman joshi tragic family angle, the whole eczema scene cracked me up. kareena kapoor played her role sincerely and her bit part helped in keeping her annoyingness at bay. just the last scene of her leaving her shaadi ka mandap is just plain dumb, and cliched as always. i never understand why hindi movies wait till the very anth moment for the guy/girl to proclaim their love or actually say something.[read: dil chahta hai, love aaj kal, dil hai ke manta nahin, life in a metro...the list is endless] in fact this has totally screwed with pples' heads, where pple will unreasonably expect this to happen in reality too. in reality, this never ever happens.

anyway, the guy who played chattur, silencer did a great job. though the character seems exaggerated, i actually knew pple like this.

i guess the whole msg of the movie is finding your passion, and giving it your all. but how about those who don't know what they want. and who aren't passionate about what they do, but don't particularly hate it either. more importantly, those who dont know what their passion is..whats their solution, the movie doesn't answer that?
what about those, who are at the same time so lost that one doesn't know what interests them. or the case where everything interests you, but doesn't hold your interest for long. im so guilty of this it shocks me how shallow i can be sometimes. i will watch an episode of grey's anatomy and want to be a doctor. i will call my sister and demand her to become a neurosurgeon until she hangs up on me in frustration. then i started watching nbc's new drama, deep end,(the show is not that great) today and now i want to be a lawyer.

luckily, i find american idol to be a big bore, or i would be taking voice modulation classes now, or worse auditioning for that show. i guess there is still some possibility once xfactor gets underway.
so i shouldn't say never. ever.

2009-12-29T01:21:00.000-08:00

top 10 ways to forget you just went on vacation.

1. log into your work email. at 4 am.
2. crib to self that its the effects of jetlag, never mind the time difference is only an hour.
3. watch your tv playlist, resume play
4. pick a fight. with anyone.
5. upload only your fat pictures.
6. unpack the first second you land home
7. look at bank statement. faint. wake up again. then faint
8. try leaving a msg for yourself at work, wishing yourself a highly productive day tommorow. get the voicemail. its full. try calling again.
9. dont ask anyone about their upcoming holiday. in fact change your status msg to i hate you all holidaygoers
10. plan your next vacation

in all earnest though, it is 4;33 am and i am unreasonably jetlagged. so i went to usvi this long weekend. heres the rating. beach person paradisometer? 9/10 scenic viewometer? 9/10 stress freeomater? 10/10... food lovers paradisometer 2/10 ( i really can and should open a restaurant there)..eyecandy ometer 1/10...i-cant-believe-this-is-part-of-the-us-ometer 9/10 (its so rundown in parts it shocks you)..i guess i could live there, if i wanted a really laidback lifestyle, really loved the beach and wanted to live in beach wear my whole life or if i just plainly wanted to laugh at tourists who will believe anything and shell out as much as 20 bucks for a burger and fries. yep, i could do that.

2009-12-14T20:06:00.001-08:00

cause my dreams are bursting at the seams

so my favouritest couple in gossip girl like all of the teeny boppy teenager population is blair and chuck. after watching today's episode where he starts to push her away, while she does the whole i know you are better than this... im like crap, why do tv writers intentionally breakup couples who are just so perfect and so meant to be. i guess there is something, something romantic about being starcrossed lovers. its hard to say even what that means. does it mean, that your paths keep crossing, sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally and despite the odds, despite your stars not aligning you gravitate towards each other and make it work. its literally either do or die. and i guess the romance is in the process and not so much the destination.

i guess my major beef nowadays is with movies taking away the dreaminess factor. i saw up in the air recently, and most of my friends liked it for the reality factor. the protagonist had a really slow growth graph and thats the reality, we have very few and far epiphanies. anyway,i didn't like it much, i felt it was a pointless movie and i would much rather preferred watching a cliched ending, proving to me that all is good at least in celluloid world.

unfortunetly i do forget, its the end of the era of dreamers like me.

2009-12-02T20:09:00.000-08:00

tu yei jaane..ya na jaane..humko pata hai huzoor

i wonder about your confusion
as i wonder about mine too

is the confusion
an avoidance
of the harsh truth

is the confusion
your kindness
your not wanting to hurt

is the confusion
a trait of our
personalities

is the confusion
not a confusion
but a baseless fear

is the confusion
your coldness
my unanswered questions
my pushing
your helplessness

is the confusion
between being just best friends
and
between being lovers

i dont know.

2009-11-25T21:52:00.000-08:00

missing

a slogan on a tshirt
reminds me of you

sometimes its a person
i see walking by

then sometimes its
the time that you'll usually call

other times its
someone's randomn love story similar to ours

or
sometimes a restaurant i think you will like
or
sometimes when im looking through books of shelves
or
sometimes a shirt i think youll look good in
or
sometimes when i find something funny and want to not forget so i can share it.

different times
and
different reasons
each missing feeling different from the next
oscillating between the miserable and the acceptance
outcome still remains the same

miss you.

2009-11-23T19:50:00.000-08:00

the heart

sometimes
you feel
for no real reason

sometimes
you like
because you feel

sometimes
you love
because you like

sometimes
you hurt
because you love

sometimes
you are angry
because you are hurt

sometimes
you regret
because you were angry

sometimes
you cry
because you regret

sometimes it doesn't matter
that you regretted
that you cried
that you were angry
that you were hurt
that you loved
that you liked
that you felt
since there was
never
no
real
reason

2009-11-23T18:09:00.001-08:00

living beyond the edge

so for the last week or so i have been in atlanta, keeping my sister and the youngest addition to the d family company. i think its really tough being a parent. especially if you live in the nuclear family setting. some may argue the opposite obviously, having to deal with extended family in your face, your inlaws could take a toll on you. but i still think you have the luxury of' me' time which is so important. whereas when you are on your own, you have just you to depend on and simple things like going to watch any random movie, or late night dessert outings are no more an impulse thing and its more of a planned outing. i guess it makes you grow up. [sad for those of us who continue to live in our teenagedom in adulthood] it forces you to become responsible and selfless too. i think most parents do the best job they can, and its only when you are much older and are past the your "parents will never get you" stage that you realize that.

2009-11-07T09:36:00.000-08:00

mat jao

distance was
always the enemy
and now
so is time
so is fatigue

there may be
nothing to say
nothing to proclaim
but still
you want to say more
anything more

is this fleeting
is this forever
its hard to say
its just feels right now.

2009-10-31T23:32:00.000-07:00

kya karoon dheeme dheeme se, nashe mein jo hai zindagi

ok so i haven't really,truly, completely blogged in a long time. in fact, i dont think i have done many things in a long time. mainly coz i have been preoccupied with other things..good things but things where i have no me time anymore. time is passing so fast that i have forgotten all the things that i wanted to accomplish this year. and now the reasons for accomplishing them seems so futile. almost. i guess high on my list of things was finishing this book so i could actually feel intelligent at work, i haven't crossed page 20. i feel like one of those kids who are so unserious about what they are doing and just riding the current wherever it takes me. its really not a good feeling.

anyway, i went to the halloween parade this weekend. i cant say i have ever had a good experience at the halloween parade, but every year i go. old habits die hard. anyway, this time we decided to be in the parade then out of the parade simply coz its just so much easier and less crowded...and the whole mob like mentality is a little more controlled. anyway, it was raining and people werent that enthu. blame it on the recession or the rain. god knows. so anyway, i ended up meeting a few new people.

i think as we grow older, its really hard to kind of hit off with new people that you meet. . i tried to rack my brain for topics to talk about, but each topic was met with a dead end. like seriously , those weird awkward silences and even the laughing for no reason was not helping. yes, ok. that is sad.

last week, i ended up again meeting an eclectic group of pple and the conversation was so dry, i wanted to stab myself with a fork. in fact, i would rather have gone to the dentist. yea ok, i get it the common thing in these stories is me. and maybe its just my lack of super amazing conversational skills. but, i really really don't think so.

i seriously think the art of conversation is dieing. the art of romance is dead. and the art of sponatienty (spelling) is long buried.

2009-10-30T19:39:00.000-07:00

love or something like it

there are times where i
know you
you are my person
there are times where i
completely get you
you really are my person

then there are those times
where i forget
that i only know a part of you
and in that part
you are not my person.

2009-10-22T17:44:00.000-07:00

we'll fast forward to a few years later and no one knows expect the both of us

in a way
i wish
i was still a kid
i see a puddle
i jump
i don't care
about my
stained jeans
drained shoes
i just care about that
second
about that
minute

in a way
im glad im a grown up
i know
my choices are half luck
i know
my choices are mine
i know
if things look well
i can decide to jump
and i know
if things don't look so good
i can avoid the puddle

2009-10-19T19:56:00.000-07:00

the feeling

the feeling
is what keeps me motivated
the reality not so much
the feeling is what keeps me free and open
the reality is not so much
the feeling is what keeps me happy
the reality i fear will not

so you live
you live in the feeling
you live
in your own created feeling
you live
away from reality
until it forces you to
abandon
the feeling

2009-10-04T19:06:00.000-07:00

yei bhi hua kabhi..jaise hua abhi

i shove
you push
you shove
i push

when push comes to shove
we both step back
only to find
ourselves
back at square one.

2009-09-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

itch in my brain.

you feel
you may know all the answers
you probably do, deep down
even if you think, you dont.
but, you live in confusion
that is your nature.

you are being honest
but are you being so
because thats the goodness in you
or because you
think you have nothing to lose

you think you have the authority to judge
you have an air about yourself that i cant understand
you have surrounded yourself with you so much
that you can't see your crap anymore

you dont say anything
when others say a million things
you smile and adjust
you are told what you should do
and you believe it
that is your nature .

2009-09-16T21:19:00.000-07:00

kabhi dil ke kareeb..tumhe mere naseeb

i hesitate
you hesitate
we don't know
what to say
we try not to
spoil the moment
we try to
preserve the moment

we feel fear
we feel excitement
we feel scared
we feel happy
we think of
the future
we talk of it
as we
we talk of it
as a given

we talk
knowing fully well
that this we that we've created
may never
get past the present

2009-09-07T16:17:00.000-07:00

Khamaka bewaja......khwaab buntha raha [Simply, for no reason... I dream]

when you know you are not in new york city
s: its really close
me: how close is close?
s: 20 minutes by car
me: 0_o

when you know you are going back to new york city
me fumbling around with my book, ipod, glasses, cellphone, basically all my gadgets leaning over to place them on an empty seat on the plane, so i can get a grip on myself.
some lady: thats my seat
some guy: yea i thought she was sitting behind
some lady giving me dirty looks
me: im so sorry just trying to sort myself out
some lady STILL giving me dirty looks

when you know you are in new york city
bus ticket seller: did i see you last week on delta terminal
some lady: yea i travel a lot
bus ticket seller: i know same faces, same faces
does anyone need any tickets?

silence

bus ticket seller: alrite then, have a great day. i love you all.

me: 0_o

2009-09-03T20:49:00.000-07:00

torei bigei sei torei num hai hum..kal sei soyei huei kam hai hum.

she was 18
she shared her notes with him in class
she competed with him in every grade
he got in to medical school she didnt

she was 20
he helped her on her homework every week
she made sure she went when he was at the lab
he did not know her name

she was 22
she was not interested, he was, then she was
they knew it was a mistake
and they waited for the threads to break away
they did

she was 24
she did not know him, he did not know her
she liked his gruff but comforting voice
he liked her lopsided grins
they took the risk

she was 72
she felt alone for the first time in 48 years
it was her last birthday.

2009-09-02T17:19:00.001-07:00

woh tum wali feeling

we were strangers
we became
acquaintances
perhaps
we can say
that we progressed
to being facebook friends
then we evolved into
friends who message
each other everyday
then
friends who call
each other everyday
its hard to say
when and at which point
we ceased to be friends

2009-08-31T16:59:00.000-07:00

grades do matter

should i be freaking out if my boss tells me during a review process that 70% will end up with b's and a b is not bad and we should all be lucky to end up as bs. should i, should i? god i hope i dont end up with a b

2009-08-30T19:42:00.001-07:00

ek geet hijar da

so this month, i have been doing my own version of social butterflying. i have been speaking to more and more pple and trying to get better at networking. but most importantly i am now trying to do something which i hav resisted for so long ie. learn the art of small talking. ie learn the art of bsing. yes very much the how to influence people and make friends kinds. :).

anyway so i am now going to be teaching high school math once a week, will blog about that once that happens. but what i am really excited about is this religious event that i went to last weekend. i met quite a few people, and everyone i met was super nice and even with the whole awkwardness one feels when you are going to a new place with no sidekick (read friend to keep you company - so you can talk to each other if people are too weird). but this was a solo mission on my part and i actually had fun. food was great (an impt factor..haha) and i learnt quite a bit, which is rare when i am doing small talk. but what i liked best was the whole non judgemental thing, i have never ever been to any prayer service where men and women have not been segregated. here it was announced that there is no segregation. and i know lot of pple will not agree with it, but if you think about it, you are praying to God and if you say you are going to be distracted by some random guy or girl praying next to you, what use is your prayer anyway to you or to God?

so i thought it was pretty neat, i think its a small and important step not just for equality but common sense too.

2009-08-30T19:22:00.000-07:00

daastan-e-ishq

i try to think of You everyday
sometimes i think of You
when i am supposed to
and sometimes just like that
when i am sitting in the bus
looking at the orange-blue sky
or
at my niece's birth
or
when i think how perfectly each of us were created

sometimes i forget
and sometimes i remember but still forget
sometimes i am lazy to remember
sometimes i am just busy
sometimes i feel alientated and disconnected

but i still expect
i expect
You to remember me
everyday
i expect
You to not just remember me
but listen to me too.

2009-08-27T20:18:00.000-07:00

sab ki ek kahani

days go by

she does not hear from him
he does not hear from her

she thinks he does not care
he thinks she does not care

she wants to call him but does not.
he wants to call her but does not.

days go by

he starts to forget her
she starts to forget him

she is in like with someone else
he is in like with someone else

days go by

she accidently dials his number
she never deleted his number
he picks up and says hello, is that you?
he never forgot her voice
she says hello

and then it feels like days ago.

2009-08-26T18:23:00.001-07:00

waqt hai kya? tum ko pata, haina?

i dont know
what is better
the comfort of knowing your job
or
the thrill of something new

i dont know
what is worse
the drudgery of your job
or
knowing that you suck at your new job

2009-08-25T17:49:00.000-07:00

They'll name a city after us...And later say it's all our fault

we speak for hours
the awkward silences
seem to fade slowly.

they constantly ask us
what did you talk about?

i dont remember.

i dont remember
the words
i dont remember
the stories
i dont remember
the references

i remember
just the feeling.

the feeling of happiness.

2009-08-24T17:44:00.000-07:00

pehli baar mohabat ki hai...aakhri baar mohabat ki hai

the first time
she sees him
is on the downtown train
she tries not to stare
but she can't help it.
he does not see her.

the first time
he sees her
shes buying coffee.
he is right behind her.
she does not see him.

the first time
they see each other.
they are crossing the street
from opposite sides.
he smiles.
he says hi.
she says hi.
she smiles.

they meet each other
everyday
she waits all day
for the 10 minute train ride
she does not know why

she waits for her stop
she sees him
she smiles
she sees his hand interwined in another
she steps back unable to enter
its 9 am
rush hour traffic push her out of the way
he sees her
he smiles from the inside
she smiles from the outside
the train doors close
the last time
she sees him.

2009-08-21T17:41:00.000-07:00

Lagay bol meray mann mein. Koi bol de.

you are not
what i wanted
you are not
what i expected
you are not
what i hoped for
you are not
what i dreamed of

you smile, you breathe, you curse, you speak, you cry.

but you.

you are different.
you are
what i wanted.
you are
what i expected.
you are
what i hoped for.
you are
what i dreamed of

you don't exist.

2009-08-20T20:26:00.000-07:00

Andheron Mein Kyoon Mein Roya

you show someone
the pics of the youngest one
they share the
death of their aunt
you tell them
of their first laugh
they tell you
about the funeral
you tell them
how you wish you could fast forward
time
so you could hear
your beloved speak
they tell you
how they wish they could freeze
time
so they could
see their beloved once more

2009-08-19T23:43:00.000-07:00

hum bhoolay..duniya bhoolay...hum bikrei..ab kya rona.

at what point
do we become
too old
to feel
anything

at what point
do we become
too old
to be
unpractical

at what point
do we change
our dreams?

2009-08-18T20:46:00.000-07:00

lekin menei apnei liyei kuch nahin socha hai..aur aaj mujhei baar baar ek hi khyal ata hai - qsqt

some things will never get old

2009-08-18T19:24:00.000-07:00

yei dooriyan...

sometimes
the distance
keeps
us
apart

and sometimes
the us
keeps
the distance
apart

2009-08-16T11:34:00.000-07:00

a change would do you no good

one of a girl's or even guy's biggest nightmare, is a bad haircut. i remember when i was 10 and someone was getting married and we were all at the hairdressers and i remember how they had a trainee try their skill on me, coz i was the least demanding client of the lot. so they thought. well anyway, they totally screwed up my haircut and even for a tomboyish 10 year old that i was , even to me - it was devastating. and my dad who was the only person who could console me told me he would make it right and so we went all the way across the city where i got a haircut (yet again) , but this time something that wasnt weird sticking out kinds. a major salvage situation. it may not seem a big deal now, but it was then, it was crucial, it was late at night and hardly anything was open then.

after that, i stopped getting my hair cut ( yea for maybe a really long time). i have had always unmanageable long hair. when i moved here i thought i would get it cut, a bit, so i would look like an insaan for a change. and i did find someone miraculously who gave me a regular, i-dont-even-notice-your-hair-is-cut look every three months or so. and who would check with me before doing anything. possibly she has had her share of whiny 10 year olds and upset dads.

well everything changed yesterday. there were signs everywhere that i should not get my hair cut. for one, the hairdresser i went to was not there and was told to come back at 11:30. at 11:30 they were too busy , i said i would come back later. the salon surprisingly closed early. so i was like damn ill walk around and get another person to cut my hair - i mean its only a trim, really.

i could be so wrong its unbelievable. the lady who cut my hair, was very charming. a russian lady who watches hindi movies, and proceeded to tell me how her son looks like salman khan. and how she loved the movie babul ( stupid movie) and whether salman khan is married? and i m like okay random information. and in that mess, instead of 3 inches she cut off 6 inches! yes double. who does that! how does one not know the difference. this reminds me why you should always tell people less. and as much as i wanted to create a scene and blast her there and then i couldnt, so i did the next best thing i cried in the restroom of a barnes and nobles.

it will take me a whole fricking year to get back to my current length. and i know pple are going to be what did you do to yourself when i go back to work tommorow . great, thanks, thanks a lot salman khan!

2009-08-15T09:59:00.000-07:00

sunny came home.

four years ago.
we wanted the
it
job
we get
it
we live
it
we breathe
it
now we dont want
it
it
never was the
job or the relationship
it is and was
you

2009-08-10T18:03:00.000-07:00

"Just because (s)he likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn't mean (s)he's your soul mate."- 500 days of summer

ok so i watched the movie above. expecting nothing. since i had not even seen the movie trailor. and like the cleverly juxtaposed scene of expectations versus reality. my expectations of zilch, were very different from the reality. so the verdict - 9/10. i totally loved the movie.

so the story, do not read ahead if you have not seen it, many spoilers ahead. so like the narrator starts its a boy meets girl story but not a love story. so boy likes girl. girl likes boy. girl is not in love with boy and breaks up with boy. girl does not want to be in a relationship. boy spirals into depression. boy quits job. boy meets girl again. same girl. girl and boy dance with each other at a wedding. things supposedly looking good. girl invites boy to dinner party. boy shows up expecting reconciliation. girl shows off her engagement ring to friends. boy runs off and like many a breakups, boy spends days in bed, with no strength to get up. boy quits job and pursues his true dream. boy then meets another girl..

and again it leaves the open ended question of what is exactly is a soulmate. does it exist? are we just driven by the world of chemistry. or the world of familiarity. or the world of wanting to belong to someone. and can you have more than one soulmate? and even if you are happy, how do you know you will always be happy or if this is the happiest u can be. or if this is the maximum happiness you can give to someone else.

2009-08-09T16:06:00.000-07:00

On me dit que le destin se moque bien de nous- quelqu'un qui m'a dit, Carla Bruni

if i lived in reality
i would know
i would believe
this was it
and i would know.

but i live
in my world
and so,
i dont know
or choose
not to know.

2009-08-03T21:18:00.000-07:00

love aaj kal aur paarson.

so i saw love aaj kal, this is a movie that i have waited for since it was first announced. and only coz it is being directed by imtiaz ali. so getting right to the point, the verdict? i want to say a 7/10. which is pretty good considering hindi movies nowadays. most of the points allocated after the interval. there are some cliches like the commitmentphobe guy, but there are also some non cliches where things spiral completely out of hand and then you have to make it right. somehow.

everytime i watch one of these soulmate movies (ironically the film takes potshots at the epitome of romance. ie romeo juliet, heer ranjha etc), it makes me optimistic that there are so many similar stories out there. stories of against all odds, against barriers of race, religion, you make it happen. but it makes me sad also coz many a times you let it slip, you do not say things when you should say them, you do not take the risk because you are afraid, and when you do its too late anyway. and unlike in the movie, in reality we all move on irrespective of whether we believe in soulmates or not. because if we dont, we stand the risk of being left behind.

2009-08-02T19:04:00.001-07:00

dear golu, you rock my world.

so this weekend, my brother in law tried to teach my sister and i how to ride a bicycle. the weather was okay, a little too warm, but summerish at least. so check. the will to learn. check. [i acutally did get a little nervous the first time i sat on it] but powered on nevertheless.

so yes, we are one of those adults who never learnt to ride a bicycle as a child. and like many things in life, the harder you try the more you fail. so, i managed to do a half cycle before my bike swayed to the left and threatened to topple over.

the thing is you are so scared to fall, so scared to fail, so scared to try anything, so scared to not think about the consequences of your actions, you tend to miss out a lot. and thats primarily why pple ask you to learn it as a kid. you are only thinking of the future and you forget that you still have to live out the present.

2009-07-26T17:37:00.000-07:00

tum kaho tau jeena sika doon..tum kaho tau marke dika doon.

so i think i have the curse of bad chick flick movies. i think its been ages, since i saw a decent chick flick movie. the movies i like the best. yes, i am very pathetic. i will only watch "thinking" movies if i am forced to, and not by my own accord. so this week i saw the ugly truth.

and the ugly truth is that it sucks beyond belief. i think you may chuckle once or twice. but otherwise its all super cliched and you can predict the next scene and even like the dialogues (yep sad- but in my defense i did say i am an avid chick flick movie watcher). maybe i have become too cynical god knows. and it takes a lot to make me feel senti. maybe its all of that who knows but i didnt feel anything after i watched the movie.

so the story is gerard butler has this show on tv where he tells people (read women) that guys have a one track mind and are basically jerks. he is the complete jerk on tv dispensing ridiculous advice, but obviously is good with kids and is the best uncle to a 10 year old - who astonishingly seems to have a hell lot of love problems.

katherine heigl, who is playing the lead, is the producer of a news show on tv. she obviously disagrees with his dumb views and thinks there is this perfect guy who reads, likes cats and tap water (yea kill me with the nonsense). so anyway butler comes to work on her show and the ratings skyrocket and so they have to keep him. heigl detests him coz he says the "ugly truth" but butler tells her that if he can help her get the guy she wants ( the typical perfect cliched guy that one will read about in a mills and boons) she should then get off his case and just work with him . blah blah. he helps her and obviously falls in love with her and then she falls in love with him. small misunderstanding occurs. finally the lovers reunite and everything is alrite with the world.

*gag**gag**gag*.

will someone please make a nice romantic comedy that is not cliched and that does not come with special side effects like vomitting and suicidal tendecies

2009-07-25T19:33:00.000-07:00

Teja: Main kyar Chindi Chor dikhta hoon ? Ye Firauti ke paise hain ki maiyat ka Chanda ??

so for some reason today people in new york have been approaching me for cash. yep, just like that. coming up to me and asking me. apparently im giving off a "vibe".

wrong vibe, though.

i tend to never carry cash with me, since like my dad i cant seem to hold on to it, it invariably it gets spent - mostly on others and even if a regular bum asks me for cash i still help even though people say you shouldnt encourage it - i figure they probably need more help.

so carrying cash is a bad idea since you have to remember what you spent it on. so i just place the middle man in and use plastic. (yep, probably the only useful invention of the financial industry) well some may argue actually its the biggest sin, but whatever, its good for people like me who are disorganized, bad at accounting and avoid opening their mailbox since its all bills. [yes a very bad habit]

so anyway heres what happened to me. i had gone to help a friend move into a new appartment. while i am supervising the movers, an ismail darbar look alike approaches me. in fact i was actually staring at him initially since i was like is it him or not. i figured not since he was wearing those nike backpacks made of cloth. i really doubt ismail darbar would do that. but i wasnt staring him down or anything its not like i am a fan of devdas music, in fact i detest that movie and the music too. so it was pretty random. so heres how the conversation went.

ismail darbar lookalike (thereafter referred to as idl): hello, excuse me miss, do you speak hindi?
me: err, yes i do. *thinking he probably wants directions*
idl: are you punjabi?
me: err
idl: are you marathi? gujurati?
me: kyun, kya baat hai?
idl: ji, mein jotish hoon - mein aapko bata na chahta hoo yei aglei teen meinei aap kei liyei bahot mushkil hogei - mein aapko aur bata sakta hoon.
me: im sorry, mein in cheezon mein vishvwas nahin karti hoon.
idl: aap karei na karei but aapko mein bata sakta hoon
me: *thinking - that makes no sense whatsoever"
idl: acha choryei hum log india mein mandir bana reh hai, aur chanda ikatha kar rahei hai. gareeb bachon kei liyei ashram khol rahei hai
me: *thinking - yea right* sorry kuch bhi paisei nahin hai
idl: ji, kuch toh hoga aap ke paas
me: *what the hell dude*
idl: insaan ko dil se dena chahiyei..blah blah [its all a blur what he said keywords dil insaan chanda]
me: seriously mera paas kuch nahiyei
*he still wouldnt budge so i proceeded to show him my wallet where i had a few dimes and i think a dirham or something not even US money.*
idl: aap paper money dei saktei hai
me: huh? err like monopoloy? [ ok i didnt say that i just thought it]. i guess he meant write a cheque.
so i said "aap yei lei saktei hai" [yei being the chillers]
idl pockets the chillers and walks away.

i am speechless.

two hours later:

random guy with golden teeth: *something in spanish*
me: huh?
rgwgt: you spanish?
me: umm no sorry
rgwgt: speak english?
me: yea
rgwgt: i am from puerto rico - i need 11 bucks to take my train to *somewhere.*.
me: sorry i absolutely have no money
rgwgt: looks at me like im the biggest karka ever and walks away.

2009-07-24T19:31:00.000-07:00

dhan te na..te na

so i have been listening to the kaminey soundtrack. and im pretty much hooked on the dhan te na song. i was reading bhardwaj's interview and he's like its like when you are telling a kid a story and you are building it up.. you say that for effect. that's very true. and that never really gets old. one still does that. [ or maybe its just me].

oh and yea my pet parrot used to whistle that too. pretty much the only tune he knew. i had no hand in that. khair, its very much a song that you would play on full volume and drive listening to on empty roads at full speed.

anyway speaking of pets, i was walking past brookstone and it is now selling this aquatic frogs aquarium which is supposedly a self contained ecosystem. [ ok i am not sure why i am using the word supposedly..hmm.. maybe coz i dont believe them]

anyway so you feed them twice a week these pellets. they are the diet version of the regular frogs meal, i suppose. who knows. the model diet, if you will. coz the usp is that they wont ever grow.

seriously, how low maintenance is that? ill still end up botching it, i should start with cacti first.

oh, and you clean their aquarium twice a year only! [apparently the tiny snail that lives with the frogs is the maid]

thus validating my theorem that you need three people in a perfect marriage: the couple and the maid.

2009-07-23T16:06:00.000-07:00

all i really want is a wavelength

ok so today is a weird day. by weird i dont mean that it was hot as hell all day and is now pouring like there is no tommorow. no, not that kind of weird.

so here is what happened at work today (names and all have been changed. this is however a true, albeit slightly boring, but true story)

the assistant to head boss comes up to me and says head boss wants to see me.

now the only reason why the head boss wants to see anyone is that if they are either a director and above (which i am not) or they want to fire them.

so since im pretty shitty at hiding emotion when im shocked, i went white or like in semi cardiac arrest mode. so the assistant is like to me relax its good news oh and yea you better go now and stop eating your food.... but then im thinking really how would she know.....but apparently she does know.

so the good news is that i got a raise of .....wait for it.. 5%.

so for the split second before i sat down in front of the head boss, i was thinking shit maybe they are actually giving me a promotion. woohoo. for someone who has never ever gotten a promotion (ok granted i havent been working for long - but whatever the point is i haven't ever so yes it is a big deal for me).

so anyway that never happened, instead i got a whole spiel on how they are trying to make everything on par with other colleagues in the bank (what the hell, have i been underpaid the whole time!), and oh how well i am doing (which i thought she said very sweetly so i think i believe it - but then she really is a sweet person so maybe thats just part of their drill)

so anyway thats the obama phase of the news. now the post obama phase. its actually not retroactive. so technically its applied to half a year. so its 2.5% technically. and considering the amount of tax i pay to live in this beloved city (50% goes to the bottomless vortex of tax money). so we are looking at 1.25%. 0.25% for medical insurance, dental etc. leaving me with a grand total of 1%.

and that is the reality of it. and that is precisely how the whole financial industry survives. on the notion of good tidings.

but not to be ungrateful, an increase is still an increase and with the recession and all - so thank you god. but, i really hope this isnt my consolation prize for not being promoted at the end of the year.

****************************************

so in other weird news another MD comes up to me (ok some background this MD never talks to me, i mean we occasionally will have the wierd awkward conversations while waiting for the elevator, oh yea and he once asked me where did i get my baskin robbins icecream from). and honestly im a little scared of him, and usually when he is sitting through my meetings i am messing up big time (nothing to do with him just in general). either i forget to number my pages in gigantic research document or i stutter (sharukh khan style) [ ok gross exaggeration ] or i just blank out.

anyway so he goes to me you have a minute to talk. in my head i am like what IS happening today, why does everyone want to talk to me? so anyway, i go in and he is like you are a mathematician right? at that moment im like err.. thinking is this a trick question...so he moves ahead and asks me a pretty basic question. and im like err... so is this a new performance measurement process testing people on the basics or did he really not know this. both cases result in the same outcome. weirdness. so anyway i think i explained it well, but who knows.

2009-07-21T16:51:00.000-07:00

i used to say the more tragic the better - morisette

its so easy to fall into - what if
had it been, it would be - what now
for better or for worse
i choose
what will be.

2009-07-19T18:56:00.000-07:00

“Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.” - Beecher

please do ignore the mess on my desk and my pet elephant. thanks. all in all a great weekend.
this is the original painting, which i have heavily been "inspired" from. i just wanted to paint something that would match my comforter.

2009-07-19T11:27:00.000-07:00

nayan barse.

i think you and i are so alike
almost too alike
it could be a good thing
or just a really bad thing

you remind me of an onion
each layer different from the next
each layer leading to potentially
copious amount of emotion
in another onion's heart.

2009-07-18T19:11:00.001-07:00

Dilgeer garzama labela taana [you have captured my heart and i wander aimlessly without you] - Paimona

so this has been a chilled weekend of sorts. part of my plan this weekend other than to unwind and relax was to actually do something productive - creatively. ie paint a picture for my bare and empty wall. i have been totally inspired by my trip last week to ikea. so much so that i want to move to a new appartment so i can start all over again, new furniture, new settings , new design ecetra ecetra. anyway so its been a process to get all the stuff that i want. considering i have decided to go paint in the park and not at home where i can actually be as messy and as disorganized as i want to be. to paint in the park, i need obviously canvas, paints, water, water in a cup, a palette, blanket to sit on, rug to wipe dirty hands and brushes on. and this is only coz im using acrylic paints and not oil paints which is a whole new mess altogether. anway so tommorow i plan to get up early clean my little studio and then start painting and hopefully finish it one day-or it will forever be unfinished.

anyway so today i was walking aimlessly today in 5th ave, major touristic hub. this is really bad for my bank balance, i inadvertently buy something. i am a clothes addict. and now after my niece i have this urge to make her a little fashionista. so i can never go out and not buy anything. but anyway i mainly like walking there since there are so many pple and i can always pretend to take pictures of buildings when im actually taking some random person's picture (you have been warned). what can i say people are more entertaining than buildings. most of the time hte pictures are blurry since i still am developing this skill of street photography and learning to surpress my you-caught-me-im-guilty-look. so anyway i was passing by this church and there was a lot of commotion there and like all desis i have to know kya hora hai. there was a couple getting married (well in the church) and i guess the ceremony was over and the bride was getting in the car that time and just taking last moment pictures or something. basically in new york you cannot even get married in shanti se. a big crowd of tourists had gathered and were all taking pictures of this randomn bride, who was so unfazed by the whole thing.

alrite fine im guilty of the picture taking too.

only coz i have never been to a christian wedding and i really want to go to one. so anyway we are all like paperazzi type clicking photos and another tourist asks me so who is it, whats happening? i go, i dont know someones just getting married. the tourist looks over and starts tkaing pictures too. and im just chuckling from inside. it reminds me of when my friend got married in the city, desi style with pheras and all, and her dulha had made a grand entrance in the middle of new york on a gohra. it was totally surreal and cool. there was a dhol bajana wala also and like typical larkei walei were all dancing in front of the gohra, who btw had come from new jersey and was well accustomed to mad desipanna of dancing in your best finery in front of an animal who is well capable of kicking you. so anyway a lot of random pple from the street joined the baraat and started dancing, the whole thing was so sitcom comedy like and so funny.
ok maybe not so funny in print, definetly a have to be there moment.

i would say this is reason 439 why i absolutely love new york.

2009-07-12T19:59:00.001-07:00

my big fat desi family

the issue with desi familes is that everyone and their mother is in your business. and you can never tell anyone anything, expecting them to keep a secret. and what follows is this convoluted chinese whispers, where someone will tell another something and they will tell something else to another someone and you end up hearing it from the fourth person and you are like what the hell when did i EVER say that. and coz families thrive on gossip, its great if you are on the receiving end of the gossip but if you are the gossip its the worst, coz then everyone and again their mother wants to know each and every detail of your oh-so happening life. will everyone please just let me be.

2009-07-11T19:09:00.000-07:00

your body is a wonderland

one of my favouritest things to do (when im in a good mood) is to dance in an elevator (empty of course!) with my ipod blasting the current flavour of the season. and then just when it stops at my floor or the ground floor i stop dancing and have a straight face but my eyes are still twinkling. sometimes i do that in the work elevator and only recently did i find out they have cameras installed in the elevator and im sure the security guards are probably having a good laugh. i dont care. great big of a deal :)

2009-07-08T20:09:00.000-07:00

remember the time

so yesterday i saw a bit of the mj memorial and like most people i thought the last part where his daughter spoke was touching and extremely sad. i dont know of any worse feeling than losing a parent. and i cannot comment too much about whether mj was a good person or not. i dont know that. and since i was always taught never to speak ill about the dead (well alive too), i will avoid the shady aspects of his life and speak about the good. was the memorial too elaborate? yes i think so. it was a media and public frenzy.

i read many articles in his tribute, but there was really only one article which made sense to me ( i dont remember where i read it sadly) . but what the author was saying basically is people are not mourning so much a celebrity (who they didnt know and after a while after all the controversies we were beginning to ignore) but instead they are mourning their passing/passed childhood.

a lot of us associate our first taste of pop music to michael jackson. when i was growing up my sisters would record his and madonnas songs directly from the radio, the era before ipods, mp3s and affordable cds. in school i vividly remember i used to sit in front of a girl who had this mj binder with all the lyrics of his song, his posters and we would all peer over it during breaks. so for many of us its a passing of time, a time that we loved and felt comforted in and just like memories where we remember only the good and we try to block out the bad. we continue do the same with the memory of mj.

2009-07-08T19:47:00.000-07:00

say what you need to say

for the long weekend i went to the carribean with my best friends. it was a much needed vacation. and despite all the work i had, despite my comp crashing an hour before i was leaving, despite colleagues not letting me leave, despite the fact that i was stuck in 40 mins of traffic in a part that would take me 2 mins to walk, despite the fact that i had to run across the gates to catch my plane (desi filmy style) with only 5 mins for the gates to close, despite the fact that i broke out in a gazillion zits coz of the stress only to find out that my flight was delayed, despite the fact that there were signs that it would rain the whole trip (it didnt), despite the fact that old san juan was quite a dead city and no one knows where all the tourists are gone, despite the fact that i hadnt swum in years let alone ever in the sea ( i finally did and completely enjoyed it), despite the fact that i had never ever gone kayaking, let alone in pitch darkness after sunset and when the tide is high and the scene looks right out of a scary movie like anaconda. despite the guide mentioning that 'hey there maybe little sharks in the water'. despite the fact that i got bitten ferociously (on my face!) by mosquites in the mangroves. despite all of this and more, this will probably go down as one of the best vacations of my life.

2009-06-25T18:35:00.000-07:00

MJ, rip.

at the chinese deli (again) , this time at a respectable time. reason of visit, severe craving of pocky chocolate dips. sort of like nutella.

anyway, the chinese grocer has become my 2 minute news byte guy. not only does he give me pertinent information about the economy in those 2 minutes, he also helps me identify whether the yellow fruit in container is mango and not peach.

cc : did you hear about michael jackson
me: no, what happened.
cc: he died today
me: what! no dont tell me when did this news come out. *i need to get a blackberry/iphone. when iphones become a free phone then i will succub and laugh at all the losers who shelled out full price*
cc: some hours ago
me: what happened?
cc: heart attack
me: where did he die in bahrain? (presuming cc knew where bahrain is)
cc: (apparently he does) no in LA
me: daym. thats sad.
cc: yea, even the rich cannot escape death
me: yea, the only certainity of life is death.

2009-06-23T20:31:00.000-07:00

love mera hit hit..na kar phir aisi kit pit

so the thing with parents visiting, you can never really gauge their definition of 'fun'. i mean you think certain things will be fun for parents. i.e a broadway show. its not. its all opera music. you picked the wrong broadway. phantom of the opera.

or you think lunch near the river where yachts are docked will be scenic in crowded manhattan. turns out they are serving hard core amrikan food. and not the good kind. and its raining. so again flop idea.. even desi food cant save the day when the odds are against you. i took my mom to this gujurati place downtown, and as a hardcore non vegetarian this isnt exactly my choice, bu i know my mom likes it. but i have eaten at that place before and its pretty unique compared to the rest of the desi places in new york. but we were super tired and after their dozen appetizers (yea each different form the other), we were beat and couldnt eat anymore. i am a big fan of chole baturei but couldnt finish one mini batura either.so what i had built up all day turned out to be a total flop coz my mom was in jet lag mode and nearly fell asleep on the dinner table. but what made my day was the server who was from turkmenistan ( in my head i was like who where? - i have become the cliched american - only im not american), so she goes i have a kind face and kind way of talking and i look like her cousin. that really zapped me and made me very happy. my mom now thinks im like my dad - bas bolnei ki der hai, and hawa mein urtei hai hum.

anyhoo, i went to a netowrking event last week with a couple of friends. me and my friend and her husband. me and my friend sooo lack the normal casual cool networking gene, we sound enforced and frankly im usually having an out of body experience where im going to myself "stupid stupid stop talking" . or on the other hand weird awkard silence are usually teppered with my thoughts on the lines of "stupid stupid say something". so anyway i didnt have any agenda as such, but i thought it would be good to talk to some new people. so, i spoke to a guy who works in a hedge fund but looks like he works for google. (ie think rolled out of bed and came to work). i was also surprised to know that he works on the trading floor, not to be mean or anything, just being brutally honest ,nerdy geeky people on the trading floor are kept well away from clients (anyone read liars poker) , unless your group is intentionally geeky nerdy and in that case you are the prized posession. but mostly its the latter. this is done since you are unkempt (ie not presentable), you prefer it this way,in fact i hve a friend who is like i wish i could just go my whole life not speaking to any client. my friend is a director at an investment bank. so anyway there was someone who worked for electric company, and i was like what-what my dumb desi blonde gene kicking in (no offence to real blondes) anyway apparently having an electric meter where you read your own meter and know exactly what is using what is damn expensive. its a good idea though. apparently now working in energy companies is cool.

in other random news i was watching obama's group discussion today. the program name, prescription something of that sorts. it was really interesting actually for someone who is a pseudo-medico. by that i mean someone in your family is a doctor such that you think you never need to see a doctor since you can self treat yourself. doesnt matter that your own family who are doctors, go to see other doctors. yes, i belong to that breed. anyway, so apparently getting a medical degree here is super expensive and you can rack up something like 300K in tuition. and there was an interesting point made by atul gawande in one of his books where he mentions the average time to recover the tuition costs for a medico is far greater than the time for say someone in finance. and in order to repay your costs quickly, you end up super specializing -coz thats where the money is. and there in lies the crux of the matter, too many specialists and too few gps. so too many unnecessary costs. and very little prevention.

maybe they should lax the the US entrance exams for gps. every desi doctor will then jump ship. and that will blow up the healthcare sector and at that point i will be shorting it.

2009-06-11T21:08:00.000-07:00

baat meri suniye tau zara.

its exactly 12 am. my mom is going to be here tommorow (yay). the downside is that means my apartment has to be super clean in 6 hours. considering how tiny my studio is, i should be done in 3. correct?

hell no, when your mom is visiting its not equivalent to friends dropping by - this requires deep cleaning. shit, i feel like im in undergrad now where im scrambling to tidy my room, during random hall checks. i cant remember on whose blog but i did read this list of things you should not be doing if you are over 25. needless to say im doing pretty much everything on the pre25 list. well mostly anyway. anyway, one of them is not living in a dump/hell hole.

ok i exaggerate, its not really really a hellhole but its not one of those typical girly flowery smelling appartments (well not yet anyway). which reminds me i have to get flowers. all hail 24 hour deliveries that are stocked with lilies. most of the time my appartment smells of practically nothing. and its never dirt but like junk and usually stacks and stacks of papers, thanks to my packrat attitude where i lug around everything that i have possibly owned in these last 4 years. plus my whole what if i need this one day, i have stacks of research papers some that i have never read and probably will never read but i just keep them for 'just in case'. just in case i read them. in fact, i have drawers of 'just in case' stuff and i just thrashed quite a bit of stuff. so now i have no stress balls to squeeze just in case i have a meltdown.

i have this phobia that i will throw out something super important so i become a collector of everything from a ticket stub to a free massage coupon dated eons ago, which i will never use and can't use now since its expired. once in a while, i need an intervention (ie mom visits - friends coming over - depending on the type of friend and their length of stay- requires anything from the range of doing nothing to a little facelift. but when its moms then you really need to go at it. there is nothing like the feeling of your mom walking into your appartment and going "dil khush hogaya dekh kar". hahahahah. but the best best thing is when my sibling visits, she completely waxes out my bathroom tub such that i feel like i moved in yesterday. my brother in law changes the lightbulbs, fixes the clogging in bathroom, and changes my watch clocks, which are always an hour ahead or behind, thanks to stupid daylight savings. the perks of having family, i tell you.

anyway have to get back to cleaning the fridge. i cant wait for my mom to be here.

have a great weekend everyone.

2009-05-30T07:01:00.000-07:00

yunhi chala chal

i just realized how my life in new york posts have upstaged my life in dubai posts. and i just realized technically its been 9 years since i first came to US as an undergrad. ok i haven't been here for all of those 9 years, minus two years, if i really had to be precise. 7 years, still a long time. somehow it still doesn't feel like home. it just feels like i'm waiting for my next move, which i honestly don't know where it will be. perhaps san francisco, perhaps sydney, perhaps frankfurt, perhaps mumbai.

despite all that, i think perhaps ill still find my way back to dubai. something in me tells me that. only i just don't want it to be right now, coz i feel that would be my last destination. and i would be completely relunctant to move. perhaps i feel like this here since i don't stay in a city for too long, moving for undergrad, grad, work. i might end up the longest in new york but it still doesn't feel like home home. speaking to some relatives who will be naturalized in a year or so, i asked would you surrender your indian passport? without a moment's hesitation they wer elike yes, and hadn't even given any thought to it before i brought it up. i guess i envy them in a way since they have decided for themselves what is home.

2009-05-28T15:10:00.000-07:00

ooh i want you, i dont know if i need you, but id die to find out.

there is something
something about songs
of the 90s.
those that you've heard growing up
lyrics you never understood
but sang anyway
and till date remember.

2009-05-27T19:29:00.000-07:00

two years and still counting.

sometimes the reason
for working hard
is not because you love it
and can't wait to finish the work
but simply coz you can't
stand it.

2009-05-26T18:42:00.000-07:00

are you jimmy ray? who wants to know?

small shallow lies to
save yourself
ends up engulfing
you deeper and
deeper

you try to get out
of the hole
but you find the door shut
only you have the key

2009-05-25T15:52:00.000-07:00

yei rishta kya kehla tha hai

we drift slowly
away
only to meet
on the other
side.

2009-05-25T15:38:00.000-07:00

just another manic monday

feels like a sunday
smells like a sunday.
but, its a monday.
all hail long weekends
at least we skipped the
monday blues.

2009-05-23T17:26:00.001-07:00

kaata rehai mera dil. tu hi meri manzil.

someone once told me
the judge of a restaurant
lies in its soup
i think its in its biryani.

2009-05-23T17:17:00.000-07:00

round the bend.

i see you from my window
you are unaware
you stoop down to
pat a puppy
and you
look up.
i look away.

2009-05-23T13:54:00.000-07:00

devil wears prada

clothing sales make me happy
competing with determined women
not so much.

2009-05-23T13:21:00.000-07:00

khaike paan banaras wala.

getting to know you
is interesting.
now what?

2009-05-22T18:06:00.001-07:00

umeed par duniya qayyam hai

the only thing
bearable
about studying.
is the exhiliration that one feels
after a test
well written.
fingers crossed.

2009-05-21T19:26:00.000-07:00

the moment long gone.

i say
i think i know you.
you disagree.

you say
you know me
i don't know how to
agree.

2009-05-20T19:37:00.000-07:00

won't have to travel too far. cross the border and into the city.

i think of you.
everyday.
i try to remember.
but my memory fails me.
i find your letter.
preserved for me.
and i wonder
if you were here
would i be
so lost.

2009-05-19T19:37:00.000-07:00

inspector saab, kya aap waqi sanjeeda hai?

so in the middle of my studying, i take these short perfectly timed youtube 10 minute breaks. i am currently hooked on watching this classic pakistani serial called ankahi. its quite entertaining and i wanted to watch it since it has shahnaz shaikh in it. tanhaiyaan is one of my absolute favourites. She and marina khan totally rock.

so anyway, on one of those episodes, i don't understand some stuff (yea im quite unzaheen - wot to say) so i scroll down to see if people have left comments, explaining what has happened in that episode. and sure enough, there are pple who have and then there are some who leave random comments, like i love shahnaiz shaikh - (their phone number).

err...ok dude. im sure shes going to call you.

2009-05-18T16:42:00.000-07:00

sea of change?

Date: four days ago
Time: 2:00 am
Venue: 24 hour deli at the corner of my house
Reason: craving for starbucks icecream.

at the deli

radio playing in the background - speaker with a slight desi accent.
curiosity killed me (not the cat) and i ask the chinese cashier.

me: what station are you listening to
cc (chinese cashier): bbc
me: (hesitant) ok
cc: they are talking about indian elections. i think congress will win and rahul gandhi will be PM
me:(zapped that people other than indians care and know about india elections - smilingly): we'll see what happens.

i think everyone in politics has their own agenda. some driven by money, fame, power god knows what else.

on talking about the fate of nuclear energy. dead since lack of fuel, technology and investments

rahul gandhi : i am very proud to say that our prime minister Shri Manmohan Singh ji has recognized both the problem and a potential solution.

*applause*

rahul gandhi: But it would be unfair of me not to accept that Shri Vajpayee, also saw the problem and also in his time worked on the solution

*silence*

some random guy in the background: (taali tau maro)

rahul gandhi: iskiliyei tau mar dijie

people yelling in the background, maachi market style

there maybe good individuals who want to run for office but unless you are running as an independant, its hard to actually make a difference. political parties have their own agenda. like cc, i dont doubt that one day rahul gandhi will be pm of india.

2009-05-17T12:30:00.000-07:00

paper, paper, paper.

so last week, i went to this "debate" hosted by a news channel. there is top security in entering and leaving the building. you get badged before and after you leave. The speakers were all affiliated with some hedge funds, universities (ie professors of finance at prestigious universities) and had some book deals going on ecetra ecetra ecetra. the moderator himself was one of the channe'ls top gun.

i really thought it was going to be like the vice presidential debate. i think it was american reality tv at its best. the topic of discussion the current crisis.

it was not. it was quite dry as you would expect as any mathematicians lecture to be. a personality hazard, if i may so myself. me included. the moderator was great and tried to move it along. letting each speaker his 5 mins, ok scratch that, 15 mins of speech. and literally two of them did that, not stopping for a breather. imagine talking 15 mins nonstop, with not a single pause.

i zoned out after 5. my friend sitting next to me fell asleep and the lady sitting next ot me started filing her nails (i think she was a journalist meant to be covering the event). the only excitement in the debate was when people started asking questions. the first question was are the banks now trustworthy? do we trust the banks? followed by more evasive answering. bottom line no, but we can't say. where will everyone put their money then. second question, this was met with pin drop silence. who are hedge fund investors? for a moment all speakers were zapped. the guy asking the question takes a moment to clarify, i dont mean names, in general. basic question: were hedge funds responsible for the crisis? basic answer: god knows.

all in all an interesting debate of unanswered questions. brings me back to what i have been saying all along. no one and i mean no one knows what the hell is going on. and if you wait long enough the efficient market hypothesis will hold. and markets will move back to where they should be.

2009-05-12T20:32:00.000-07:00

its a small crime, and i have got no excuse.

tonight while studying at the heavily medical students populated starbucks, an elderly man comes in looks around and yells:

"starbucks is an effing library" and then he leaves.

while, me and a med student on the neighboring table grin at each other.

it really is. just much better.

its a library where you can drink, eat, talk on the phone, download music, play board games and give dirty looks to people who sit around talking loudly to their group of friends while drinking coffee.

yes. we make the rules.

2009-05-07T18:26:00.000-07:00

let me think. in my box.

people say that you can tell a lot about someone just by looking at their desks. i think this is true. my desk is messy, ok fine extremely messy, but its organized chaos, at least most of the time. i know where my things are. maybe not in those high stress situations, where i have to get one piece of paper that i can never find when i need it. only then. otherwise, i am ok with piling copies of the local newspaper - which i usually skim on the train, sometimes i dont even read it since its so crowded and i really dont want a lawsuit involving me and a paper cut in the eye. watever. so these papers usually are highlighting some embarassing scandal, and that is usually the part that is strewn on my table. so sue me.

anyway, i keep telling myself i will bring in pictures of my family. you know just in case i dont forget about them, excetra excetra. the only thing is - they wont let me, i get on average 5 calls a day from my family and friends. i enjoy the gossip, like any normal person would. but sometimes i enjoy it better, when i can say what i want, without having the whole floor hear it too. so back to what i was saying, i guess i dont always get why pple bring in pictures. i mean i understand bringing your kid's picture and strewing it all over your cube. ok wait no i dont get that. doesnt it make you miss your kid more and bring you to the edge of a nervous breakdown for leaving your kid. beats me. but moreso, i can never understand how pple put up the pictures of their boy/girl-friends. what if you break up? then everyone including the cleaning lady at work knows. and everyone and their mom wants to know the details. and i dont know if i want to put my parents picture up either, coz it will just make me miss home infinite times more.

ok moving on from photographs, i have a steel spoon (no idea how it got onto my table), couple of hand creams/sanitizers which i mostly forget to apply but suspiciously it seems to be getting used up. packetful of gum - politely offered to whomsoever my nose recommends me to. sometimes me included. then there are loads and loads of folders. i cant imagine i have accumulated so much paper in 2 years. just for fun, i want to try to build a little cube of folders in my cube. symbolic and all. i wonder if anyone will get it. they probably wont.

but speaking of desks, apparently when i landed my desk i was like crap im sitting next to boss, that sucks. proximity to boss is directly related to productivity and inversely related to surfing the web. but what i failed to see then was the silver lining, if you may, and which i now see clearly.drumroll...... i sit right next to a window! woohoo! a window, usally given to those high up on the ladder. the window gives me light, the priviledge to be the first one to say "hell its snowing", the possibility to make hand signals to people in the high-rises directly across, and of course my personal favourite allowing me to daydream.

yea ok, i need a window to daydream.

2009-05-06T22:41:00.000-07:00

kisie da kisie da yaar na pardes jaawe...saanu ek pal chain na aave, sajna tere bina

its raining, pouring really, outside and its 2 am and i have zilch food in the house only my botel of water and volumes of books to keep me company. and while i study i listen to this beautiful song by nusrat fateh ali khan who i believe was a good human being and i know this just listening to his voice. i first heard his "mustt mustt" today evening at a local starbucks of all places, that too when they were closing and luckily for me they had their tv screens playing the 'song you are listening to' so i didnt have to remember they lyrics. apparently its on sarah mclachlan's playlist too. cool, no? and seemingly all desis think alike coz at that moment another desi guy sitting in starbucks went up to ask the starbucks employees about the song. and i assume he downloaded it there and then on his phone and walked out in the rain listening to the perfect rain song.

i wonder when golu grows up what her favourite rain song will be?

2009-05-05T20:09:00.000-07:00

and we rise and fall to only rise again

"i find dubai revolting" - some character in todays episode of 90210.

ok yes - the show isnt something to quote, and i really watch it coz im the equivalent to those who get hooked on the saans bahu serials and despite their inane storylines cant let go. anyway a year ago, dubai was the "it" place and characters in popular shows were mentioning dubai in reference to the fact that it was THE popular destination last year and the fact that being global was in. but as everything tanks and correlations are at their all time high, global is now equivalent to local. and something tells me this new found love is just temporal.

jiska koi nahin hai, wuska pi hai. i still laove you my beloved, dubai.

2009-05-03T18:05:00.000-07:00

“I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting.”- He's just not that into you.

i first learnt about this book two years ago, when i was visiting new york during my grad school years and me and my friends were sitting in the barnes and nobles starbucks. and a friend of mine was going through a breakup and actually reading the pocketbook outloud in the coffeeshop regardless of people staring at us. the movie unlike the book doesn't answer the questions and even after reading the book you are like ok this is a whole lot of fluff.. and after you're done reading the book you're like 'come on' that's not true and isn't everyone's story unique and supposedly ''magical" in its own quirky way.

so a friend, goes through this whole 'will he-wont he' phase, where the guy agrees to go for dinner and then in the follow up dinner cancels saying he's too tired and doesn't schedule another date.

right, doesn't sound too good.

i try to be diplomatic since my friend thinks he's really shy so i say maybe he'll call later give it a week. but another friend quotes from the above movie - and point blank says seriously he's just not that into you. but then i dont know if its because of actually feeling a connection in the first meeting (i honestly think theres no such thing) or because there's this insatiable need to know - the need to know why someone would turn you down- so i dont know if its eithe rof these two that my friend texts him again- and then he texts back - and now they continue texting short notes to each other - no one taking the first step - no one willing to jump head on and just ask outright - no one does that ever- coz no one wants a bruised ego - or coz no one wants to admit that they are just not THAT into you.

in one of the therapy sessions, that only good friends will do (ie yours truly) me and my friend were sitting next to this couple, who ironically were on their first date. ok and sure we were eavesdropping, i mean there has to be some advantage that space in new york is scarce. so the guy asks the girl after an awkward pause - so umm do you like brad pitt? - soooo lame, im sorry but it is. and then at the end of the meal, the restaurant that only accepts amex denies to take his visa card and sadly he's out of cash. needless to say the date doesn't goes well.

so this is the american dating ritual. so, changing tracks, even the desi ritual is not much better. you reject people after looking at their pictures. just their pictures. everyone is guilty of that. and its ok if both of you dont like each other. its end of story. but if one does, yes albeit shallowly, it gets complicated. so rather than directly saying anything, you ignore the person and hope they get the message. brutal, yes. but is there any other way that we can weasel our way out of it?

2009-04-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

genda phool

so im suffering from writer's block. i am not sure what i should write about. life has become this blending of days into nights into days. i have hardly anyting interesting to add. im not complaining since i would rather live in unexciting times. my guitar classes got over and by the end of it, it was just me and my instructor. i had half a mind to write a scathing email to the rest of the group that they should at least show up at the last class. and although my instructor had picked out "dont panic" by coldplay, i panicked and didnt want to the solo performance so we just ended up improvising on certain songs. and im getting better but im so far from what is acutally called playing a song on demand.

in other randomness. i'm loving being an auntie. its pretty great. its like what most grandparents feel. yea ok strange. ill explain. you can spoil the kid rotten, play with her and you have zilch responsibilities. its like sonei pei suhaga. so a month is over, since shes been born and it still feels strange it feels like we are babysitting for someone else's kid. it still hasnt sunk in yet. and anyone who says raising kids is easy is plain lying. my mom tends to say ab pata chala aatei daal ka bhao. which according to me is a very random analogy but what do i know. the thing is when you ahve been brought up in the gulf or in asian countries, you have so much domestic help so much family in your face all the time that you dont appreciate all this until you have none of it. and when the little one cries just when you are about to lie down yourself, you wish - you wish you had santa's little helpers to help you take care of the kid. by you i mean the parents, and really the mom.

so anyway, the way i see it the best thing u can do for yourself and for your kid is to make him/her independant as possible, and that means as knowledgeable as possible. and in that spirit heres a picture of my golu, the 1 month old newspaper reading baby. ma. all thats missing is a cup of tea.

2009-04-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

and just like that life comes in, and things begin to change

i became a massi, the first time ever, on 28 March 2009. My sister's actual due date. The nurse volunteered information that I gladly absorbed that only 6% of parents have their kid on their due date. So my sister and brother in law became proud parents of a beautiful little baby girl, named Zainab, all of 7.4 pounds and 20.5 inches. She is a typical arien, an extremely fiesty, a bit moody, super hygienic baby, and when she stares at you with her round eyes you its the most sweetest thing ever.

my niece shares her birthday with my eldest sister as well. And last Saturday, the day started out with me waking up and calling her the first thing in the morning to wish her. on skype, since she lives not in the US. My second sibling messages me frantically saying my sister, whose expecting, is in labor. I check my phone and its filled with missed calls, I immediately took my duffel bag stuffed with my clothes and within 10 minutes I was in a cab urging the taxi driver to go faster.

I reached the hospital about 4 hours later and my sister was having major contractions and was in tremendous amount of pain. the in charge nurse kept checking in, but all we could do was wait, and wait for the inevitable. it was the complete antithesis of what i had imagined. i imagined we would wear scrubs. the movies glam things up a lot. the delivery happens in the same room, that you are checked into. its a private room, so you dont have to bear the frustrations of someone delivering before you, but you miss out on all the interactions that only expecting mothers could share with each other. towards the end, when the pain became unbearable, we ask for the doctor. the nurses have an almost non chalant attitude twoards the doctor and all our inquiries about the doctor are met with - "he's coming hes on his way". my eldest sibling is an obgyn and as an attendee, she usually makes it to the scene at the nth moment, and is only called sometimes when things are actually going bad.and thats something which no one will tell you, the doctor will not sit around listen to you squirming in pain and perhaps thats a good thing in a way since watching someone in pain can make your job extremely difficult and perhaps interfere in your judgement. and if things are going well, the resident doctor, ie the newbie, will be magically available to perform the delivery. as expected the resident doctor is firm, polite and thankful to be allowed this opportunity. the attendee is a bit harsh, almost mechanical, impersonal, always polite but confident and borderline arrogant. and that is the only way to be. one has not confidence in those who are polite and friendly but those who look like they know what they are doing. and that does hint arrogance. the obgyn walks in at the last moment, we are a little annoyed at him, for showing up so late, but at that moment we are just so extremely terrified and with all the constant yellings and urgings to push, my feelings quickly change to gratefulness any help is good. the resident doctor delivers the baby quickly and safely, thanks to God.

i can safely say this is one of those experiences in your life that you probably will never forget. its life altering for the parents, but its also a major eye opener for someone who is there during the whole process. the first is that human body is a miraculous thing - its a gift from God, and we should appreciate it, being pregnant - being in labour is extremely difficult and no one other than the woman can understand this, post pregnancy - there is no going back your life has changed and things get much much harder - but each day is as difficult as the previous day and gradually life becomes easier. personally i didnt freak out after seeing so much blood and tissue, which i thought i would, perhaps since my parents are doctors and siblings too i didnt freak out but perhaps its a simple thing as that we are all stronger than we think we are. i dont know if having a kid, life changes for the better, since im not the person in it, but those who do have kids and have gone through it, say it definetly does and is totally worth it. i think so many pple can not be wrong.

all i wish for her and her parents is to be patient, happy and healthy.

2009-03-25T19:36:00.000-07:00

can i facebook you?

in a city, where frankly there is no space. no space even for privacy. you get up in the morning, sans alarm, but by the sounds a. your neighbour having a shower and the geyser( i think thats what its called) making weird noises. or in the summer, birds chirping outside your fire escape. there arent that many trees in the city. and then in the traveling of trains. i recently reread a section of maximum city, where the writer meets a social activist and hes still very hopeful about mumbai since he describes the scene of the always extended hands, when the train is leaving hte platform. there are always pple that will extend their hand to get one more person on the train, despite it being cramped and sweaty. people understand your plight. here not so much, people will all cluster near the door, and will be exasperated at you, the person who is trying to push in. not always, but mostly. very rarely will someone try to hold the train doors for you. not to mention one shouldnt but still it is rare. and even when you are in the train, you can go days on days on being so physically near people but not even remembering their faces. i certainly dont remember.

maybe its not even the issue of space here, people need to be connected to one another superficially. twitter i can vouch is more so a craze in a city in new york rather than a city in utah or something. messages left for the world to know what you are upto, when most of the world really doesnt care. i happened to go to an alumni event today with my friend. i have been to a few alumni events and people who are actually good at networking immediately connect to the other person with their business card and the latest craze now is are you on facebook? you dont even need to preserve their card or pull out your phone and waste precious minutes keying in the number. all you need to connect to a person is their name. stupidly, im still holding out on facebook. i dont even remember to bring my business cards. and im terrible at small talk. i once spent an evening at a networking event talking about organizing an anti-networking club.

three days ago, i was out getting lunch and never has this ever happened in my life, but a guy stops me and compliments me and then asks if its okay to get my number. i declined and was in a bit of a shock. his reaction was like oh-ok dont worry about it and walked away. its become so casual that you can even stop pple on the street and ask them if they want to be connected to them. it amazes me. or in dubai where pple randomnly bluetooth pple in malls. i have friends who compare how many "friends" each us has on facebook. i'm not saying networking is bad or that one shouln't get to know as many people. because one should. the more pple you know the more you get to learn from them, the more you learn about life, about people's experiences. and perhaps the only thing you really need to start a conversation is your introduction, and that really is just your name.

2009-03-22T21:12:00.000-07:00

how about unabashadely bawling your eyes out?

i watched a pakistani serial called dorahay (cross roads ) last week. In fact, i was so hooked on to it that i watched all 14 episodes in one marathon session. its another thing that i wouldnt recommend this to anyone. since im so not cut out for pulling in all nighters anymore and definetly watching some huge heavy duty dram can totally alter your happiness. but it definetly is addictive. i think its the serial watching gene from my dad. well the good serial watching gene.

anyway the drama is pretty interesting about two mba students that come from different classes of society, the girl rich the guy not so much. the mother of the guy has already made up her mind that the guy will marry his cousin. in turn his cousin spends her whole childhood and teenage years dreaming about her marriage with the guy (her cousin). when he decides to marry his college sweetheart, things get extremely difficult with his mom. jealousy rears its ugly head, and the cousin, who happens to live next door starts creating a mess and misunderstanding. until finally the guy divorces his wife and gets married to the cousin, thanks to her conniving plan. the first wife remarries too, but this time too an abusive psycho controlling guy - she bears it since she doesnt want the stigma of another divorce. thankfully her parents find out and she gets divorced again. the first husband realizes how he screwed up his life and hers and is still in love with her so he ends up leaving the cousin and getting back with his first wife.

the story is so unbelievably real, the dialogues even better. it shows how unbeliveably capable each of us are in absolutely screwing up our lives. each of us can pick out something from this serial. i cried a lot while watching it. there are hardly any light moments in it. and there are many lessons to be learnt from this drama. one that never lose your independence, never trust anyone on face value, there is no such thing as the perfect guy, never ever let anyone treat you like you dont deserve respect, dont tolerate abuse in any fashion, always know what you are getting into - whether a job, a relationship, a marriage - always. never do harm to anyone coz it will come back and bite you in the ass. trust your gut feeling.

one of my favourite scenes is when she breaks down and tell the guy - that she doesnt care who came in the middle, he should have known better. i think that summarizes many reasons why a lot of relationships dont owrk. it never is about the third person, its always about the two pple in it. and the two pple should know better, should be able to say whatever and should be rock solid. it never really is like what you read in books.

2009-03-17T19:13:00.000-07:00

jugni chahdi ac car. jugni rehndi sheeshe paar

things have started to spiral more and more out of control. you hear about your friend of friends getting laid off. you then hear of friends getting laid off. and then you hear about street food cart vendors who make in a good year 100 bucks or so a day, now making just 50 bucks. you watch advertisements on tv telling you how others are saving up. your landlord calls you to remind you about your lease. you have recession specials at lunch. you see bilboards on crowded streets on movies that have already been screened and have actually flopped. and most of all when you screw up at work, you blow off dinner plans on a friday evening and you fret and fume in nervousness throughout the weekend.

in other news, im seriously considering going to dental school now considering how easy money it is. (ok grass is always greener on the ohter side). but what irks me, is the atrocious amount of money dentists charge here. and of course i understand theres no such thing as a good deal, but seriously why are your teeth considered the step child of your body. why is dental insurance so poorly covered. hell even medical is so expensive here. its just plain wrong. what riled me up actually was when my dentist told me i should just borrow the money for cosmetic procedures ( read braces, porcelain veneers) - when i asked her for viable financial options. i repeat cosmetic procedures, not healthy precautionary procedures - that one should do. WTH. the economy is in recession, dont you watch tv - is there no kind of dental hippocrates oath, where you are not coaxing the naive scared patient into taking such financial risk. ok, maybe i exaggerate, but my point is you can't just ask your patient to take a loan. it really doesnt make sense to me. maybe its me and not them. =)

the other day i was reading a forum where some dude, (i really hope its not real), but apparently when citi shares dropped to 7 bucks, he used his citi credit card to purchase the shares thinking he would make a quick buck. we all know what happened. and now the dude refuses to pay his card company saying until your (as in citi shares) dont go back up-he will not pay. its a vicious cycle of greed everywhere from the producer to the supplier to the consumer. if you can't afford something which is a luxury just don't buy it until you can.

to end with a good note. i just read this news . This gives you hope that all is not lost.=)

2009-03-07T18:30:00.000-08:00

pls dont judge me, i'm only trying.

there is a mosque on the east side some 20 blocks from where i live. in fact its only in the US that i realized that women actually go to the mosque, in the Gulf its really not the norm. but mosques here in the US are quite unique. even in a metropolitan like manhattan, things are so vastly different from what they show in the little mosque at the prairie.

so anyway today, i felt like going, i was going to be reading at a bookstore in that area and was like let me go do my Isha prayers there. i don't normally go and i forget why and today it reminded me why. there were about 20 men i would say in a hugely vast space and three women in this small closet like area, with a curtain. can't see a thing. basically an enclosed space. this is not how it is in mecca. we are all equal and all of us have the same right. well anyway, as i walk in, removed my shoes and decided to take them with me. when i walk into the women's area there was, at first, just one lady and she's like take your shoes and put in the box outside. i nod and just at that moment the azaan starts. and she just lunges at me and is like put your scarf on your head. and even goes to the extent to grab my shawl. at this moment, im just in shock. and politely and firmly i say - i can do it. after i return, she asks me did you pray sunnat already? after that i just felt so conscious, and i could actually feel her eyes boring into me. every motion i did.

im sorry i dont get it. i thought only God judges me. i dont understand why can't people let others be. why do you have to balk at someone who is trying, who is trying to find some peace, why do you spoil their moment by picking up their hand during prayer and motioning to them aggressively that wearing nail polish is no good. (that didnt happen to me but someone i know). just focus on your good deeds, on being a good person - please don't try to judge someone coz someone will judge you too one day.

2009-03-07T07:27:00.001-08:00

i heart andy mckee

my friends and i went to his amazing concert yesterday and it was just super super inspiring. i even got my camera and managed to take a few good pictures. i really wish he plays again in new york soon, i am so going to be there. and after watching his videos on youtube i felt like playing the guitar. and the thing is being so talented and gifted, he is soooo down to earth, humble and extremely funny. just an awesome awesome experience. i cannot stop gushing.

in other news, me and my classmates at guitar school may do a performance for student open mic night. perhaps this april or in july depending on how well we do.

here's his youtube video of my favorite drifting.

2009-03-01T15:38:00.000-08:00

it wasn't me i swear..everybody is looking for the monkey out there.

so i saw delhi 6, and whatever everyone says about the movie - i actually learnt something. (that doesnt say much about me) but apparently in 2001 there was the case of a "kala bandar" in delhi. where some "creature" was terrorizing highly populated areas. this is the best statement from an article in time magazine, published at that time. Says the secretary-general of the India Rationalist Association "People in India often find it difficult to distinguish between fantasy and reality." Who knew that there is an organization for just rationale people? =) Also, did they ever find the real monkey-man?

2009-02-25T18:09:00.000-08:00

"Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it." -Marshall McLuhan

my sibling is expecting her first child next month, inshallah. its the first baby in our household and im excited, happy, nervous, tensed, a little overwhelmed and i would say a little nostalgic. all at the same time. im excited to be an aunt, of course a cool aunt at that. im excited to spoil the little tyke. im excited to be the aunt that everyone tells their secrets to, the aunt who will read wall street journal to tyke so he/she becomes super brainy and yes the aunt whose place kids want to spend their summer vacations at, since im so awesome and nice blah blah blah. yes allll that. but im nervous and tensed too since im scared about the whole painful labour that women have to go through. and i think my sibling is quite brave, although i dont tell her that too often (for good reason that) . i also feel a little nostalgic since this is it - this is a new generation coming in and their lives are not going to be the same anymore. our lives arent going to be the same anymore. its not going to be us and our crazy fights of pulling each others hair, we are all grown up now. well she more than me, but by default so am i, i guess. and now there is a big responsibility and one can't pick up their bags and head out spontaneously wherever and whenever. its the end of the nomadic life. (not that we have so much of a nomadic life, but at least one has the option ) but thats all in the past and this is the beginning of something. begininning of something better and something so selfless it amazes me day in and day out how people choose to have children and expect literally nothing in return from them. it totally is the most selfless job you can have and you tend to appreciate your parents more once you have been a parent. so they say.

well anyway, other than the baby shopping ( the gender of the baby is still a mystery), crib building, learning about which stroller has been recalled, which is the top parent pick..etc etc.

i have learnt that suddenly all these random aunties (and no not the cool aunty like yours truly but the aunties that try to fix you up with their 100 year olds sons - those kind of aunties) anyway they have been making a beeline for my sister. all of a sudden, they are concerned about whether shes eating right. and whether they can get her a chair to sit on. whether they can get her something to eat. and this is the best, whether they can throw her a baby shower - and really they barely know her. whats the catch, really? so anway the non cynical part of me wants to believe that yeh kaali daal nahin hai. but alas, guess what..they say apparently during labour, the mother should do dua since God listens to her prayers. more so coz she is in pain. I cant seem to find any verse on this and i dont know how much of this is hearsay or actually true, but these aunties believe it, and after much courting of my sister they land the masterpiece request

"acha beta, meri ek list hai - labour mein tum hogi na toh yei sab mere liyei dua kar lena" - wat the...! i have no words.

2009-02-19T21:06:00.000-08:00

so take the photographs and still frames in your mind.

so i restarted my guitar lessons again. and like everything in life, things seem sooo much better in the past. like how one dirham could get you a coke and a kit kat bar. and now one dirham cant get you basic gum. yes, those were the days. sigh. my first instructor was an overenthusiastic,a super encourager, so overtly happy and enthusiastic that i even contemplated whether she was just habitually stoned. yes, yes im not so much of a sunshiny-its-a-beautiful-day-person so i look onto them with great suspicion. jk. me and a friend would crib endlessly on the lines of "just let us play lady and stop interrupting us - the awesome guitarists that we are" (NOT).

so now i get the opposite, where the instructor is not so into "getting the chords right" - he doesnt tokofy you when you have problems switching between the chords or when i "don't strum all the strings" or when i dont curve my fingers ..etc etc. and granted i dont like being interrupted when im getting into it- i do think that when you are making a mistake, its good when someone is vigilant enough to care and correct you. sadness. but anyway we learnt some cool songs, which makes you feel a little good about yourself and make you hope that you arent a loser when your ultra slow strumming makes the song sound like everything but the song. i remember after our amateur performance last year, two guys in the elevator were like "okay that didnt sound anything like it". yes, we were forgettable to the extent where he didnt even remember that our group was the one performing and that we were all enclosed in that elevator together. so now im finally happy since the time of your life actually sounds like it should.

so,i hope you too have the time of your life.

2009-02-18T18:31:00.000-08:00

i never loved you anyway, im so happy you are moving awayyy.

the word space can mean anything to anyone. as much as im a city person, i sometimes miss having space. i dont want metres and metres of space - just a little more. so i dont step on your toe, so i can move my bag easily and not end up jamming it in your face. some mornings i just dont feel like going to work, all because of the crowded train. i get up 15 mins before i have to leave and go shit, the damn train is going to be crowded.. ok so, thats probably not the only reason where im going "shit". but it is one reason. and ever since the bust, property prices have dropped, yep even in the nothing-can-touch-us manhattan. so like a lot of pple i know, we are all in the quest of getting a little more, just a little more, space for a little less. so im not very keen on going the whole broker with fee route again, and paying them a pot full of gold for doing a simple google search. coupled with the fact that im ultra lazy, im so not into moving. i dont think the moving is the issue though, its just the packing and unpacking. how i wish i could outsource that. so in that aspect i should not move. but, i still have this very desi gene in me that thinks "kuch reh na jaye" so i do the whole song and dance thing with brokers and for the past two days i have seen such depressing appartments, that im reminded of my first days in new york. im not a fan of brick walls, they depress me. i dont find them chic or homey, i just find them dreary. white white walls anyday, thank you very much. and seeing a coakroach in the bathtub ( no matter how big the bathroom is) will not tempt me. yes, yes the appartment has been locked so we can expect some living creature to venture in. but that puts me off, im sorry. it just does. and having a big bathroom is indeed a luxury in the city, especially since my bathroom is compared to the bathroom on flights (and no i dont mean the deluxe emirates air bus bathrooms - which could actually be bigger than my apt) haha. and then the whole animals thing, its equivalent to seeing and adoreing from far but thats about it. i dont think i can stay in an apt that has had dogs or cats even. and i dont want to stay in an appartment that has a dog next door. can't deal with the stress of looking left and then right and then making a dash for the front entrance when i need to leave my appartment. hell, i dont evne look when im crossing the road. imagine the collision with a barking dog. shudder.

anyway moving is the new weather. you can always start a conversation with someone just based on that. coz in new york you are either moving, or you always know someone who is. if you think im fussy, i plead innoncence. a colleague actually has even more elaborate criteria than me. "it shoud have a dishwasher" (my reaction to that was - waitttttttt a minute you cook? - and then he looks at me and goes "err, yea, and you dont?" (like i was the crazy one). guilty as charged. refer to word lazy. and i guess the lack of cooking gene. once in a blue moon, the whole i feel like having ghar ka khana will strike me and ill end up making some elaborate biryani (which ends up ironically being - not bad- jiyo shaan masala) and will max me out for a while or ill end up making some burnt dal which will supress that whole cooking feeling for another few months. so anyways, yes, the dishwasher. just wash your plates dude. what chochlas. hahaha, i kid. im not a self dish washing fan either. go technology.

then theres the door man building criteria, which he had. i honestly dont care, of course not having one is sooo much cheaper than a building where someone opens the door for you and helps carry your groceries or whatever luggage you have and plus its safe, since everyone who enters the building is screened. and plus the door people are actually quite nice. i remember once it was snowing like crazy and some of the ice got into my eye and so i stopped in front of a doorman building and am going shit my eye my eye. and the doorman comes out and gives me some tissue. sweet. so, yes that is definetly an advantage. but im not fussy about it, sure it beats getting creeped out everytime your heater starts making weird hissing sounds - or when you lie awake all night after your friend's apt got mugged by a guy that came through the window. so yes, it helps to live in a super security building. but, i digress this isnt about being fussy. this is about wanting the basic things.

so in that aspect all i really want in my appartment is a little more space (as stated above), sunlight (real sunlight) not the light that reflects from someone else's neighbouring window. light that shines through making you feel happy that its a great day. or rain that you can see from your window while having a cup of coffee. so what i want is windows. windows that look on to the street, not some alley or worse someone else's appartment. there is such a thing as too much information, sadly people just dont get it. and........ an elevator, once you go elevator you cant go back to a walk up. there is no way in hell, that i will lug my desi style packed to the brim luggage five flights up. untill, i find all these perfect qualities in one apartment, i will stay put with what i have.

2009-02-05T21:26:00.000-08:00

sapnon sei bharei naina

they say first impressions are last impressions. i agree. there is a certain vibe that one gets from a person. im not saying good or bad, you can get a neutral vibe too. but when its good, you know. i dont know how, but you do. perhaps its a sixth sense. i dont know. a friend once told me, (too simplified for me), that everyone has a mental checklist of what they want in a spouse, and just by the magic of the human brain, you are able to compute, without the help of complex algorithms or calculators, almost immediately- within minutes whether you would be able to live with this person for the rest of your life.

2009-01-29T17:06:00.000-08:00

Onde Ponde Ghoomde Phirde, Is Duniyaa Vich Challe Oye

things that rile me up today

http://www.gulfnews.com/nation/Society/10280130.html

1) rich people balking on paying their gardners, give or take $80 dollars a month. "all on the oooh-its a global crisis, we have to cut back". yea you should cut back. cut back on your lavish dinners, outings, your gazillion cars that just pollute - try car pooling, or even better take the bus, cut down all your omigod-i-need-the-new-iphone-craze. not someone's livelihood. have a brain. and a heart.

2) rental prices in my beloved bankrupt dxb. i will still love you no matter how poor you become. heres a dekko.

http://www.gulfnews.com/Nation/Housing_and_Property/10276330.html

so i looked over the property prices for a measly studio. and at the lowest end is the yearly rate of 35K AED. (approximately 10K USD). upfront. and this isnt even in the heart of the city, forget living in posh areas or in a skyscraperish building, giving you the view of the sea from some obscure corner of your house (usually your bathroom ).

ok granted, dubai is relatively tiny compared to say, i dont know texas. but my rent in texas was 1000 bucks a month for a 2 bedroom/2 bath appartment. why are they milking people so much i have no idea. and the salaries arent noteworthy at all. my first job in Dubai i wouldnt been able to afford a studio on that rent. you can do the math. granted, i was just an intern. and it was before dubai went all crazy on raising the rent. just long enough for people to madly raise it, and then when things went out of control they put a cap. and now when property prices have fallen, they want to increase it again. this is totally bs. but salaries haven't been inflated as much, and a vast majority of people are still making less than 1000 dollars a month, and so they cannot afford to live in a basic stuido. a studio is shared by two, three and sometimes four people.

i live in a studio now, and i find it small by myself. and if say five pple are standing in my kitchen, it can give you claustrophobia. im not kidding. so this really really riles me up. just coz people have to make money and therefore they suck it up and stay with these conditions and they cant afford to complain, it doesnt mean they are happy. shouldnt the overall governemnt care about the happiness of these people? shouldnt everyone at least be paid so much that that they can afford to live in a basic studio. or shouldnt the prices of studios be affordable so that everyone can afford to live in one. and then they wonder why supply is so much greater than demand. and why they are going bankrupt. (i still love you)

3) slumdog millionaire mania.
first of all, its a good movie, its not the most awesome movie ever written. but thats okay, the oscars/golden globes aren't the pathar ki lakeer. so its great, that it got nominated coz it has desi actors and technicians. and yes barring the main director and the producers everyone else is indian. so thats still something good for india. so props to the team. and yes, it doesnt show india in the most awesome light. but no one can say that its not the truth. yes its not the whole truth, not everything in india is like what they show. but it is someone's truth. in fact a big slice of the people's truth. bollywood movies on the other hand, show a way tiny sliver of the truth. im sorry but regular people cant go on euro rail, or drive racer bikes for con operations, or do a dance performance in the alps. so im sorry mr bachchan. and guys slumdog is a slang word. at least to me, its a mixture of slums and underdog. and believe me no one i know has had any problems being called an underdog. so stop getting all preindependance-british-called-us-dogs. news flash british have left. and the only one calling u a dog, is you with your own banner signs. so stop all this morcha nonsense. and honestly, not the slums but your propaganda is giving india a bad name. ok wait that also is.

things that im confused about.

so air india have bit the bullet and have started weekly flights from dxb to srinigar. all for 99 AED. (~$27) one way. quite cheap i think.
I honestly dont know what to feel about it. i mean i dont even know if this is even a debateable thing. its good in a way since the tickets are cheap, a lot of people will now want to go there and then take a local flight to their homes. so its good tourism or commuter i would say business for srinigar. and perhaps a very good thing for the whole area. which has seen a lot of crap. but its also a quick getaway thing, as everyone and thier mom knows. dubai - which i never knew until recently, is really the getaway place for gangsters and their moms. in the book maximum city, the writer writes on how lot of these shooters when they do a job to disappear from india, go straight to dubai, and then cool their heels. they are well taken of. they have a flat, they go for movies, they blend into the city - a city full of expatriates and a city that minds its own business. but they get bored and itch to go back to india again. when i read this it shocked me, and when i would see a lone guy sitting in a cinema hall i did think of it. maybe im taking suketu mehtas word for everything, but im just saying it could be a bad thing as well. so im two sided. good that it might ease tensions when you have so many pple commuting to that region, bad since it may become easier for the wrong pple to blend in.

things that im happy about today

that tommorow is a friday. oh how i love you friday. you are so dependable and you shine your grace on me every week. life is about appreciating the small things. =)

have a good weekend, all.

2009-01-25T17:08:00.000-08:00

"Amor Vole Fe" — Love Needs Faith

What easy used to be

What love used to be

What drugs used to be

What TV used to be

What music used to be

What luck used to be

What art used to be

What you used to be.

Comma drama, come on drawl your skin your mile longer, love song, sure it tells the future, fingers crushed and run 'em under water, shark-infested sea of secrets, in the open fire beat it, broke it, don't believe it, just keep it in it's box.

What the city used to be

What fun used to be

What dreaming used to be

What fame used to be

What fast used to be

What low used to be

What New York used to be.

- The Kills, What New York used to be.

so this weekend i went to the metrop. musuem of art in the city. they are open till 9 pm on weekends. its just awesome, i dont know any mususem anywhere in the world which is open tilll late. new york is truly s a city that does not sleep =).

they had a special exhibition on art & love in renaissance italy. and thats the first wing i saw. i have to say i m not an art expert, but i do appreciate the energy, time and talent that it takes to make a painting. these are paintings which are 3 centuries or more old, so there is definetly an appreciation for people who tried to preserve some of their lives for posterity so beautifully.

and just like today, paintings are the luxury of the rich. and thats exactly what the paintings give insight into, basically the private life of the rich during the 14th and 15th century. there were paintings, jewelery, glassware, that depicted marriage, engagement, courtship, childbirth, parenthood and even adultery. and its pretty amazing that one can learn so much about another culture/period through their paintings.

what i never knew was that the whole practice of dowry is not an asian thing. and is actually borrowed from the europeans and it was existent in 14th century in italy. mumbai, itself, was part of a dowry from the portugese to the british. and i find it pretty weird that the whole system of dowry is traced all the way back to the entire city.

it got me thinking (yes i have way too much time on my hands (NOT)).what happens now exactly? who pays for what in the west? traditionally, the bride's family pays for most of the expenses. this is perhaps a watered down version of the archaic tradition of the dowry system in the early centuries. of course, its no typical dowry as the conventional desi sense. bungla, ghari, motor-wotor ecetra. no such thing. just wedding expenses. although lately a lot of people have moved away from tradition, rightfully so, and now the couple's family divides the expenses equally. and even better, is that some of my friends who got married split the costs between each other, without having their parents contribute at all.

so like the change that has occured in the west, im guessing another 100 years before dowry gets abolished from india. hopefully sooner. recently an article came out in times of india, about a village in kerala, that has pledged to be a dowry free village. that is change. but then you hear about some guy in lucknow shaving his wife's head because of insufficient dowry. and then you think change is so far off. some 6,000 women get killed every year due to dowry demands. it shocks me, its so wrong. so unbelievably wrong. i was recently watching kiran bedis new show on tv, aap ki kacheri, it gave me a splitting headache. the case was pretty simple, two women, sisters, and their fight with their mother in law. who apparently thinks, acha nahin lagta if they go out of the house. so the girls, cannot work and have imposed reclusion at home. and in betweeen their arguments, the mother in law tosses insults like kuch nahin leikar aye types. like its her god given gift. the husbands are even a bigger disgrace. even kiran bedi herself was pissed. she quite smartly was also able to pick out that one of the girls actually got married as a child. and so sonei peh suhaga child marriage too. ridiculous.

i know these are just thoughts and i know i dont have the capacity to change the world and most of the time these are fleeting thoughts. thoughts that make you feel you should do something, thoughts that make you feel guilty for not doing anything. but you forget coz you get involved in your life. but when you do remember you try - you try with small steps. you try to help people who you know and who you think you can help. people who are around you. you might not be able to help everybody. but you try with one person someone who may listen to you. little by little you change their thinking and hopefully others see that and will follow.

2009-01-22T17:27:00.000-08:00

from chandni chowk to china..kyun dekhi yei picture mujhei nahin samaj aaina

ok so lets just say my title gives away my feelings for this movie. i was reading akshay kumar's apparent invitation to amitabh bachchan on watching this movie and he asks him to leave his brains at home. i would like to add just leave yourself at home as well.

ok so the story is pretty simple in a complicated way.haha. theres this goofy good for nothing guy (akshay kumar) who works as a chef for mithunda (his adoptive dad or something like that). anyway so hes in chandni chowk and theres this oppressed village in china who are looking for their saviour, who has been reincarnated in the form of akshay kumar. The villagers come to india from china. there is no relevant explanation on why they think akshay kumar is their reincarnated hero, it almost looks like they pick up the first desi dude they find. then theres ranvir shorey doing the sidekick-bad-guy-will-turn-into-good-guy role, apparently hes half chinese in the movie. and lets not forget the leading lady(ies) deepika padukone in her first double role- wait does omshantiom count as a double role? anyway shes half chinese in this movie too (i have no idea how they can even get away with saying that?) anyway this is a hindi movie so basically her double role consists of playing a sidekick to bad guy, and the other one consists of a tv shopping network celebrity of some sorts. theres this whole angle where the bichrofied sisters are united with their dad who lost his memory thanks to the bad guy (played by Gordon Liu).

i think akshay kumar has done so many similar goofy roles, that its just getting repetitive. and i want to like him but i cant. its just boring. i like mithunda, so no comments there. he can just sit there and stare at the screen and hell still get my support. the rest are bleh. i have absolutely no idea what nikhil advani, the director was thinking. copying from boring asian-english movies is not smart. be like the abbas mastan guys and copy from movies that actually will impress. and i have absolutely no idea what warner brothers were smoking while deciding to finance this movie.

my rating : -1/5.

here's another glorious review by blogger ashraf

2009-01-22T16:51:00.000-08:00

yei shehar nahin..mehfil hai

so this month is the month where no one absolutely no one will be out of the office, since this is a do or die month. the die signifying the typical, my sister's favorite phrase, haath ko aya par moon na laga, i.e the bonus that you are so close to but so far away from. (some will argue- what bonus? especially when a certain bank announced that the pool is down by 90%). but this is cruel though to be laid off a week before. so a friend at work, spread the "rumor" that tommorow associates and analysts are going to be axed at a certain bank. since i have friends at that bank, i freaked out and then my chinese whispers extended to a flurry of text messages. apparently there is no smoke with no fire. and everythign is a wait and watch. for tommorow. but till then we have today, and so today afternoon this news comes out.

seriously a million bucks spent on interior decoration is so not cool, especially when pple are losing so much money.this makes me so mad. they behave like chindi chors for a couple of bucks when you want to stay at a hotel closer to campus but they have no qualms paying out pathetic amount of money (practically one person's salary) on a rug, especially when things are bad. thats just wrong. im sorry its not socialistically wrong. its just wrong. any way you look at it.

and why did no career counselor ever tell us that being the driver of an executive is so lucrative.

damn.

so then i read this other piece of news today, where michelle obama encourages the middle class to become teachers and nurses and not chase after money, and be dabofied in loans paying them off till your 40s when you are supposed to be saving for your kids. and she says its only coz of the president's best selling books that they are actually okay financially. i dont believe that for a minute. and i dont know if i agree with her statement, the whole american model of success, is built on the whole idea that the middle class can now afford to go to colleges and universities and build a future for themselves, which includes expensive things. which sadly require money. the actual idea being, you can make yourself financially better off given the opportunity. and this shouldnt be the priviledge of the rich. the american system gives you that opportunity. that being said, the world needs more teachers and nurses. and if it were left to me, they would be the people who would be getting a bonus this year, and yes - i would throw in a rug or two.

2009-01-20T19:51:00.000-08:00

barack hussein obama became the 44th president of the US today. and like the rest of the world today, i am hopeful

2009-01-15T19:26:00.000-08:00

yei new york hai merei yaar, bas ishq mohabat pyaaaaar.

i have been having those moments where im like omigod i have to blog this. this is usually when im work and i can do anything but blog. no thats not true, i cant google/yahoo/aim or anything or check personal email. sad. anyway, work goes fine, apparently the situation is now such that the markets are so bad that people are apparently sick of bad news that it doesnt affect them anymore. and frankly no one cares, no one is looking at their 401 K accounts and whats another 1 billion when Abu Dhabi fund is facing a 125 billion loss. How the hell they manage to blow up so much money is beyond me.

anyway, i have joined the microfinance club at work. so far they need people who write well and can interview high profile executives. i think im too unskilled for the job. no seriously. i am. i honestly dont know why i want to get into microfinancing, people who are usually in this have a solid idea. I haven't even started to read Yunus's Creating a world without poverty book. I just know that i want to do something good. i just know that I want to do something meaningful. especially when everything related to finance is equated to corruption. hell, even good ole desis in IT are now looked with suspicion. ok this is all in my head. desis are those diligent worker bees and barring desi politicians they are the only glimmer of hope for our country. i mean im the firm believer indian schools, indian corporate houses work work work and work hard. Im willing to bet all my full year salary that the CBSE system is much harder than British American education system. I know this since when I started undergrad, everyone (all desis) in my class found everything a breeze and had been coding since 7th grade. even if i studied all night i would never reach that level. the schools work their students to the extreme. the corporates work their workers to the limit. when i was back in dubai, in a firm full of desis, mostly mumbaites who play the game, and know the game. i would be the first one to leave and would be looked on as a slacker. and would be made to feel like crap coz of it. but ironically here im the last. and thats only coz im desi and the others arent. =) hahaha. but i dont let anyone feel bad for having a life. theres a big difference. and my whole belief is that the only thing stopping us from ruling the world is a way out of control population and scheming conniving politicians. oh and religious facists.

at least i thought so before the satyam scandal broke loose.

i dont know how this will affect outsourcing in the long run. maybe it will be okay two months down the road, maybe worse - who really knows. But, at least i now know that there is a crook for every geek. Worse comes to worst, multinationals will move to china, there was an article on this in businessweek. It might be bad in the short run and good in the long run. I have always been very two sided about this whole call center mushrooming in India. As much as Im a fan of put on accents, thats not really my bone of contention. I think call centers are dumbing down the nation. I know, a very controversial statement to make. Since, its brought out a lot of boom in the country, now 20 somethings dont have to wait till their 40s to actually spend money. They hang out at baristas, have fancy dinners, enjoy going to multiplexes and can afford to buy a car etc. they are making good money relatively to someone who spent years in uni doing post grad. but i will still argue, making money so, relatively easy, will be the achilles heel. a cousin of mine didnt graduate and decided screw college, let me get into call centers. he is doing well for himself, i wont argue with that. not everyone who goes to college is successful. but his brother now is tempted to the same, and drop his first choice of law. another way to see it, if you have money down the road, you can actually go back and do whatever you want - that which you couldnt get into due to lack of money - be it a post MBBS surgical residency or a film school. and after accumulating money you can go back and do it. and if you never went back, then you simply werent interested in it and is there any point in doing a degree in it in the first place?
or perhaps the time has passed and who really wants to be 25 sitting with a bunch of 18 year olds.

khayr, i pass no judgement, i just give my opinion.

2009-01-08T19:26:00.000-08:00

have you ever wondered where the story ends and how it all began?

disclaimer: this is a completely random post.

so first things first, wishing everyone who reads/stumbled on this blog a very very happy new year.. May the year bring you whatever you wish for and more.

I was away the last 10 days on my super short holiday (ok new years resolution: no complaining. no whining) , at least i got a vacation, which is a big thing. So I visited the UK for 4 days, mainly Leicester, Lake district and Birmingham. after that it was a 4 day stop over in dubai. UK is super laidback its unbelievable and i dont know what recession people are talking about coz the days after christmas, all the stores were chaotic, like you would think the stuff was for free the way people were shopping. after christmas, and they werent being cheapos like us picking up holiday cards at 50% to be used in 2009. hahah. but quite a few desis doing that, we all think alike. it may just be genetic.

i ended up sitting next to a guy from tzakistan (sp) on the plane who got terribly offended that i had not heard about the city hes from. For a moment I felt like whats his problem, but then it occured to me, I feel irriated too when people dont know what Dubai is. He then proceeded to show me all his pappers, his admission letter to college. I was quite shocked as to how pple can be so open.

Anyway Leicester, I didnt see much apart from looking at trees and brick houses worth millions of pounds and which incidentally are owned by cabbies. yes, that is the hot profession for the year. =). i kid u not. i think i may have taken some pictures, will post a few.

Birmingham, is desi town, and all desis look alike. The desi girls/ladies,all super thin and have 1 kilo of make up on, and something which i observed and thought was pretty great was how people wore their salwar suits bindaas in malls, that too the young young generation, whereas here in US even in very desi-ish localities like Queens, you wont see too many pple in salwar suits. The desi guys all look like SRK in Rab ne Bana di jodi. They all have the same hair cut, maybe better dressing sense.

Lake district is the place one should go if they want to get away from it all. We stayed in those lodges in the middle of mountains, with no internet connection and cell phones connection and a 12 inch size tv. its the antitech and i was totally loving it.

Dubai, nothings changed really in terms of infrastructure. A new mall has popped up again and has an aquarium inside,which honestly is pretty neat. The bad news is that dubai is on the verge of being bankrupt, and had to ask Abu Dhabi for help. The effect isnt immediate but a lot of pple have been laid off at banks and real estate companies, people who had taken loans be it personal, home, car loans and now can't afford to pay back the loans, so apparently they leave. Some huge number of cars were found at the airport with the key in the ignition. The situation will be even more grave in Dubai than in the US, since its a smaller country and made up of expats who take personal loans to actually build a house in their home country and for the Dxb govt to actually take possession of that will get messy and Im not sure if there are any laws that will help. jo hoga dekha jayega. a friend of mine who gave up his job in the US to move to Dxb, now cant find a job no one is hiring.

Me and doctorsaab (aka as my mom) finally did the road trip of Ras Al Khaimah and Fujairah. And since we dont have a GPS system in Dubai, we relied on highly built up places from the internet. So we ended up driving around aimlessly in Ras Al Khaimah. Considering it was new years, the park, the mall all were empty. And Fujairah, an older version of Dubai, definetly pretty was a bit shady I thought. We ended up eating at a dhaba and everyone kept staring at us. Finally we decided to ask someone, anyone kya hai at least to see in Ras Al Khaimah. We see a pathan walking on the road, we stop the car and motion to me. Heres how the conversation
went.

me: Khan saab, Ras Al Khaimah ki beach kahan hai
Pathan: Beach, toda paani hai wahan par, jidhar bachei shaam ko kheltei hai. Par aisi koi beach nahin hai.
me: Ras Al Khaimah, mein dekhnei kei layk kya hai
Pathan: Kuch bhi nahin, hum logh khud pareshaan hai. Dubai wapis chalei jao. Kuch bhi nahin hai yahan par. Chalei jao wapis (im sure he wanted to add aur hamein bhi lei chalo)

and so, we drove back home.